Media’s bias on adoption

Amazing-Bit6140 · 2023-02-22T19:34:53+00:00

It's an old idea:

a man who doesn't care and sacrifice for his child (or sometimes not even his child, but a child in general): DEADBEAT DAD, DEGENERATE, FAILURE AS A MAN
a woman who doesn't care and sacrifice for her child: She's empowered! You don't know what she goes through! You haven't walked in her shoes! You have no right to judge! She's not any less of a woman! --- and on and on and fucking on with the excuses and gaslighting about why it's ok, no matter what they did. FFS, most adoption policies were instituted so that women would stop murdering their children, and instead of punishing murder, we made it easier to throw the kid away.

Fun-Hedgehog-8962 · 2023-02-22T21:59:19+00:00

He’s a deadbeat for leaving the abusive woman that was caught cheating multiple times, who lied about birth control and took advantage of him while drunk, forcing a baby he never wanted in the first place (true story 😞)

But also being treated like trash every time he steps up trying to be a father. Confronted for being a man with a screaming child at the playground, not having changing stations in the men’s room so you have to go out to your car to change a diaper, being judged left and right for being a single dad, people always asking for mom, try being a dad picking up your child from school. Didn’t even get paternity leave at a place that offers extensive maternity benefits. Had to use my own banked PTO and heard about how pissed the CEO was that I didn’t plan out the birth better (baby was a week earlier than the due date)

I even had one time while the mom and I were still together, she was on WIC but was refusing to go get the vouchers because it was my money paying for the groceries so it didn’t make a difference to her. I went there myself for the appointment and was refused because the mom has to be the one there. I pointed to my name on the birth certificate but it didn’t matter, only mom can get the benefits. Benefits ended up being canceled because she flat out refused to go after the baby was born.

Being a dad in todays society it is damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Stovepipe-Guy · 2023-02-22T20:34:39+00:00

unfortunately i had this, gave my kid up and was told i was brave, no i wasnt lol

QuerulousShark · 2023-02-22T19:35:38+00:00

same with a parent who decided not to have a kid - a man is a deadbeat, worthless if he does not want to care for a kid he didn't want and a woman is - oh wait, she actually has the privilege of decision

BoomTheBear86 · 2023-02-23T10:21:51+00:00

It’s obvious.

The social value of men has always been contingent upon their willingness to sacrifice their personal attributes such as health, time and materials for others. A man who isn’t willing to endure hardship personally to benefit others is “no man at all”.

Women are not held to their standard. Their value is deemed inherently present merely by the hypothetical notion that she can mother children- but she doesn’t actually have to do it. Therefore if she takes decision to preserve herself and avoid hard times which simultaneously also would brook negatives for others, she isn’t chastised for it because her preserving her personal well-being is her preserving her inherent value.

Socially, men have no inherent value to preserve if they’re not sacrificing for others. So a man who argues that he doesn’t want to raise his kid because X and Y is seen as a man who is sabotaging his value rather than preserving any.

It wouldn’t necessarily be wrong if society had maintained an overall traditionalist slant on the matter. Its only problematic today because women have been released from their historical social role (as said, previously their inherent value was tied to mothering, whereas now it is hypothetical mothering or sometimes even more nebulous concepts like “my value is whatever I say it is”) whereas the same has not happened for men. Men are still overwhelming judged according to old social rules and ideas but they rightfully ask “da fuq” when they realise they’re the only ones playing by the rules of the board game- whilst everyone else is being told they can move wherever they like.

CawlinAlcarz · 2023-02-22T19:23:04+00:00

I haven't seen this sort of thing play out in the media. Have any examples?

-GoldenHandTheJust- · 2023-02-22T19:35:55+00:00

Personally i haven’t seen this, it seems like both get positive and negative portrayals depending on the situation.

throwAway_MensRights · 2023-02-22T20:40:05+00:00

Where? I think the stigma is still the parents giving up for adoption because they don't want it are evil and those giving it up because they can't raise it, are being selfless. Both are bullshit stances, but I don't see it as gendered.

If Bill and Melinda gates had a child tomorrow and gave it up for adoption, there would be an outcry against both of them. If a couple that lives in a trailer park on disability has a kid and gives it up, they're usually considered idiots but doing the right thing.

FoolioTheGreat · 2023-02-22T22:18:00+00:00

Giving the kid up for a better life, is usually a thought process/justification done by the parent, and I have seen examples of this for men and women "in media". I have never seen it used by a third party talking about another person. Accept maybe in the case of third world countries.

I have literally never seen or heard the second example, in person or in media/tv/movies. Against men or women. I am not saying it doesnt happen. Specially becasue I think only 50% of americans view adoption as good. But I have never seen or heard of it used against men vs women.

If I had to guess this is all in your head. But if you can provide evidence to make me look stupid, please do.

Title	Media’s bias on adoption
Author	Stovepipe-Guy
Upvotes	78
Comments	13
Date	February 22, 2023 7:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1198jo4/medias_bias_on_adoption/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/medias-bias-on-adoption.1153731 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153731

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