Sensitive question - boyfriend hooked up with a guy

No_Reaction_2168 · 2024-04-27T10:55:44+00:00

I hope you're not hypocritical about this because based on what I've been seeing, a lot of women are when it comes to this subject. Many of you expect us men to just swallow the fact that you've messed around with your friends before but if we ever did it, it's suddenly unforgivable.

I say this because I, as a straight man, prefer not to date bisexual women. I even rejected some who wanted to date me for being bi and because I didn't feel comfortable about it. Why, you may ask? Well, multiple reasons, but the biggest one is my low self esteem. However, people didn't just accept that. No, I was some sort of homophobe, bigot or whatever else they wouldn't call women in my situation. Why is it unacceptable for me to have a preference, but it's perfectly fine for women to have that exact same preference?

IthrowAwayYourAdvice · 2024-04-27T11:07:18+00:00

He isn't gay, he is bisexual or he wouldn't sleep with you would he?

And that weird feeling is the fact that you have to compete with men giving him attention and affection, something they do much more freely then 99% of women.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2024-04-27T12:00:53+00:00

Wrong sub?

Bro_with_passport · 2024-04-27T13:41:01+00:00

As a bisexual guy, I don’t tell women that I date about it. This is super common among straight women, couldn’t tell you why.

RamFire1993 · 2024-04-27T12:27:07+00:00

I mean, if it happened when you two WEREN'T together then it's fine; I'd only see it as a problem if he cheated on you (which, to the wording of your post, sounds like he didn't). So yeah, it sounds like a you problem for you to work out.

WeeklyGreen8522 · 2024-04-27T10:55:05+00:00

For most women it's normal to feel that way, they think the man is less of a man for being bi (less dominant/strong). Other women think it's a turn on, they think being bi is a sign of more sensitive men. It's the sexual dimorphism/sexual mimicry dilema. Maybe you should let your boyfriend find a woman that prefers mimicry.

Edit: Also don't expect to be horny 24/7. Most women after the honeymoon phase only want sex twice a month.

Complicatedlogic · 2024-04-27T11:19:09+00:00

Your feelings are valid. Only part I don’t understand is the last part. You’re worried he may mess around with a guy again? If he messes around with a woman would that be acceptable? I’m sure it wouldn’t. I don’t think you’re wrong for how you feel, but at the same time if he’s a good person and your best friend, idk I think you may want to try to change your perspective. Which is why you wrote this post lol. You’re a good girlfriend, I hope this finds its way to work itself out.

EnvironmentalBuy244 · 2024-04-27T13:56:46+00:00

Since she deleted the text, here is another post she made:

Sensitive question - boyfriend hooked up with a guy

I have tried to write this post so many times and keep re-writing it because I feel like I’m not doing neither me nor my bf justice. So I’ll just write it as it is (messy, perhaps illogical, maybe incoherent). Here goes:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. It wasn’t an easy 2 years - but I’m here to ask just one aspect of it.

About a year into us dating he shared with me that he had a sexual experience with a guy. I so hate that I’m even writing about this as a problem - but it made me feel really uncomfortable. I have no problem with anybody being gay - but when it comes to someone I’m dating - it just gives me this weird, bizarre feeling I can’t shake. I truly feel horrible even writing about this. Let me get to my point.

Has anyone felt a similar way? Am I really close minded? For me it’s something I can’t help, I love him and he’s my best friend - but knowing he’s hooked up with a guy turns me off sexually. I feel so bad writing this. The thought of it just gives me a lump in my chest. I so wish I could just forget about it, and even more I wish that he never told me.

And my problem/my mental problem isn’t that I’m worried it’s going to happen again. It’s that it has before, and it makes it hard to be sexual with him.

hendrixski · 2024-04-27T12:55:11+00:00

truly feel horrible even writing about this

Well, it's a good sign that you know it's wrong.

It's normal to have feelings that are wrong. Almost all of us have intrusive thoughts. Almost all of us have opinions or judgements that are socially unacceptable. Almost all of us have vices or addictions that we try to keep at bay. Etc.

The sin is to act on it.

Don't let the intrusive thoughts win. Feel how you feel but act with decency towards others. Be decent to your boyfriend for having done a normal thing that you happen to have feelings about.

DMFan79 · 2024-04-27T10:43:45+00:00

You can't control your feelings so you're not being homophobic just because what he told you made you uncomfortable.

Also, from what you wrote, you seem to care a lot for his feelings, this sensation could be simply related to his sexual experience in itself, you might see it as promiscuous.

Don't blame yourself, but talk with him, tell him that you care, you two can work on this and it might help you see his experience under a different light.

Title	Sensitive question - boyfriend hooked up with a guy
Author	TaroOwn
Upvotes	0
Comments	20
Date	April 27, 2024 10:24 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1cebbez/sensitive_question_boyfriend_hooked_up_with_a_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/sensitive-question-boyfriend-hooked-up-with-a-guy.1516548 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516548

Comments