This is probably the only corner of the interwebz where I can talk about this without being shouted down. I'd honestly like a discussion about this. So here goes...

I have read the comic. I have seen some of my friends and coworkers exhibit some of these behaviors. But the focus of mental load as an exclusive woman's issue is such a narrow minded way of looking at the issue. I don't know a single man (as I grew up low middle class) that is unburdened by mental load.

The men in my life (friends, family, coworkers) are concerned with their families, but also the things nobody in the house is thinking of. Men make virtually 100% of the repairs to a house. They do all or most of the yard work, snow shoveling, and the gross, dirty jobs. They make the call whether something is a DIY job vs calling a professional. The same holds true for the cars.

Some quick examples:

  • Hot water heater is making knocking sounds and likely needs to be drained soon. Who's doing it? Who's the one worried about doing this?

-Lightning storm kills a tree, and now it needs to be removed from their property. Who is thinking about this? Who's making the arrangements and haggling with the contractor?

-Fence is starting to go, and there's worry the dogs will get out of it isn't fixed soon. Who's going to make the repairs?

-Who buys the decorations (often unasked for) vs who actually has to put them up and take them down. Who carries everything up and down from the attic?

-Who is waking up at 4am to put out the weed-n-feed so that it gets absorbed properly with the morning dew?

-Who does any and all maintenance and troubleshooting with the toilet.

Etc, etc, etc...

I know it doesn't happen often, but we are the defenders of the home and family. I can't think of a single man that I know, however weak/nerdy/unmasculine, that would hide behind his wife for physical protection.

All of this goes along with the fact that men also do either all or some of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. We take our kids to appointments. We volunteer as coaches, den leaders, and chaperones.

And all of this while (for the typical hetero couple) making more income than our wives. Hell, it's pretty obvious that women won't choose to be in relationships with men who earn less than they do in the first place.

I don't get why women then pat themselves on the back for taking their own kids to doctor appointments like it's some kind of feat of heroism. I appreciate my wife and what she brings to the table, but it's not some kind of hot news expose that she does more errands because I'm working more and earning more. It's unequal what we bring to the table, and that's fine because I love her and my family. I think the majority of other men feel this way.** But why is there this pervasive generational whining about how women have it rough for doing their fair share?

**For the purposes of this discussion, I am not talking about abusers, deadbeats, and the other dregs of society. Most men don't have 3 baby mommas and a bench warrant for their arrest.