Some thoughts I've been having over the past couple days, thought I'd post it here.

When Feminists talk about the problem of "toxic masculinity" they're half right. There are men who behave in a way that is destructive to themselves and others because they want to live up to a warped idea of what it means to be a man. The problem is they diagnose the problem wrong. They blame the Patriarchy, i.e. Men. Masculinity, toxic or otherwise, doesn't originate with men. It originates with women. Specifically, it comes from women's collective sexual/romantic preferences. (Straight) women are almost universally attracted to men who are assertive, emotionally stable, confident, and adventurous (that's masculinity). Some women (often those who aren't particularly mature themselves) mistake aggresiveness, emotional detachment, arrogance, and rashness (i.e. "toxic masculinity") for those traits. Hence why so many women fall in love with imprisoned rapists and murderers despite knowing that these are horrible people.

Feminists sometimes point to the fact that men often make fun of their friends for acting in an "unmasculine" way as evidence that enforced masculinity originates with men. That's because they don't understand how male friend groups work. When we rip on each other, it's not because of any genuine malice or intent to control or hurt. It's because if you don't hear that you smell funny or are slightly overweight or walk in an unusual manner in a good-natured roasting session with your friends, you probably won't ever hear it, and it might be something you need to hear. It's not because we actually think less of our friends because of whatever flaws they might have (otherwise we wouldn't be friends with them), it's because we know other people they meet might, and we want them to be as successful as possible. So when we make fun of a friend for buying a "girly" drink or tearing up over something minor, it's not because we think less of him for it. It's because we know women will. We're trying to help him to succeed in the most important way, biologically speaking: impressing women.

The biggest con ever pulled was feminism convincing society that men, as a class, hated women. You can find individual misogynists, but, on the whole, men have always been quite fond of women. Almost everything men do is ultimately an attempt to please women. Women have always been able to control the course of society simply by adjusting their sexual behavior (see the Temperance Movement). If you want to make men behave in a certain way, look to women.