"When wives calmed down quickly, for example, the couple was likelier to be happy both in the short and long term"

_Connor · 2013-11-18T16:31:52+00:00

A happy wife is a happy life.

Crimson_D82 · 2013-11-18T12:40:04+00:00

I call bullshit.

How you handle emotions has more to do with how you're raised, not what part dangles between your legs.

xantris · 2013-11-18T13:51:25+00:00

Women are presumed to be better at emotion

Who the hell presumed that? Women are more emotional, and better at expressing emotion... But they sure as hell aren't better at controlling emotion.

Men seem to be not so good at initiating such effective problem-solving actions.

We're fucking fantastic at solving problems. That's all we do, solve problems. In fact, half the time women get pissed at us trying to solve their problems instead of just listening. But we need to know what the problem is.

That article was obviously written by a woman.

cody_au · 2013-11-18T05:49:00+00:00

I read the article but it wasn't clear what tactics women were employing while they were "emotional".

Personally I feel like the silent treatment is the most toxic for any relationship - also the more time you spend angry at each other the more time you start planning scenarios to get the fuck out because nobody likes being in pain like that for extended periods of time.

It's made all the more worse by men whose primary defense mechanism is the silent treatment, myself included, and then are unknowingly teach women that "hey this is how the game is played" and do the same. Those relationshits [sic] don't last long.

For the past few years I made it a mission not to just stay silent and fume over things anymore - to just say it - and most importantly to have my partner do the same - and to try to resolve things as quickly as possible so it doesn't extend to overnight.

But I have some trouble getting my partner to speak out when they're angry because they prefer to have some time alone to calm down so they don't say something stupid they'll regret later. Frankly that just doesn't work for me - when I get angry at something I'm not abusive about it and I don't expect someone else to be even when they're angry. There's no excuse for abuse. Meanwhile I don't want to fume over things and think about how to "get out" because I can do that very, very well, too well, and I don't want to do that anymore.

I guess you could say that's my trigger.

So, yeah, anecdotally if they're saying talk things through and do it quickly I wholeheartedly agree. But while it's one thing to lead the way and do that yourself, it can be harder to convince someone else to do the same - especially when they're angry. Even if you agree to it beforehand, once they're angry it seems to go out the window.

I don't have a solution for this at the moment though it is still better than having no agreement in place at all.

rightsbot · 2013-11-18T04:12:16+00:00

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drgk · 2013-11-18T18:08:16+00:00

Based on my experiences, most of the fights are caused by things that make my wife angry. This could be forgetting to take out the garbage or using the wrong tone of voice 45 seconds after I wake up. Sometimes it's seemingly unprovoked and doubtless caused by some narrative she's been playing out internally without communicating it to me. Once she's angry, she'll go from zero to raging cunt in under five seconds. Once she's a raging cunt, she'll do anything from smashing my cellphone to threatening divorce...keep in mind this can happen in less than a minute from the precipitating incident. Usually, I have to leave the house for 2-4 hours for her to calm down.

Then, after all the rage, insults, abuse and bullshit...she'll call me up and tell me "everything is ok now," as if that excuses her behavior.

Considering the accommodations I make for her grossly inappropriate emotional reactions one would think she'd be empathetic to my emotional state. Her go to line is, "oh god, you and your emotions!"

DiscoPandaKungFu · 2013-11-18T11:04:13+00:00

The dude from the stock photo has a really, really long neck.

On a serious note, I find the article interesting. I'm only 23 and not married but out of my gf and I, I tend to be the one more likely to try to get us to chill out. I'm not saying she has a very hot temper that takes awhile to cool off. If my time upset is 100%,hers would be maybe a 110%. I know we're both happy and to me, I don't care who cools us off as long as we both are cooled off.

Title	"When wives calmed down quickly, for example, the couple was likelier to be happy both in the short and long term"
Author	PortalesoONR
Upvotes	32
Comments	18
Date	November 18, 2013 4:10 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1qvfna/when_wives_calmed_down_quickly_for_example_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/when-wives-calmed-down-quickly-for-example-the.1158554 https://theredarchive.com/post/1158554

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