Are men in crisis? Perhaps.

There definitely exists a vocal group of men voicing their dissatisfaction both with modern day masculinity and the current state of the dating market. One point in particular that raises concerns, is the dwindling of traditional gender roles within relationships. The traditional role of the man to provide and protect, and the role of the woman to nurture.

Now, before I continue on with my monologue, let me say this:

The point of this article is not to argue traditional gender roles. Nor is it to say that every man has strong opinions about these roles either. Perhaps it’s a good thing, perhaps it’s a bad thing; within the confines of this article – nobody cares. On a similar note, I also don’t care about all the other potential issues afflicting the modern dating market.

What I do care about, if you are entertaining the thought of taking on the traditional role of a man, is the following: do you have what it takes?

Because how can you consider taking the burden of responsibility over someone else, when you are unable to be responsible for yourself? I say so, because a lot of men are voicing the frustration over the fading of traditional gender roles. They want to be providers. Pillars for women. But if push comes to shove, a lot of men can’t even provide for themselves. Jordan Peterson's classic "clean your room" comes to mind.

How much responsibility are you taking for your life?

Because a lot of times, the same men bickering over the current state of affairs, are the same men stuck in victim mentalities. And if there is one thing that a victim mentality implies, it’s the abandonment of responsibility. If you can’t bring up the accountability for your current state of being, you sure as hell can’t be a accountable for others.

Personally, I’m not ready to fully take on the provider role for others. Bitch, I am a struggling men’s coach, who can barely make ends meet for himself. I also spend large portions of the past 8 years dabbling in drugs, being financially supported by my parents and the government, and taking my time to grow up. That doesn’t really scream responsibility now, does it?

Who am I to think I supposedly am entitled to that role, or that women should see me in that light at all? I’m making tons of progress, and I’m sure that if I put in the work, I will be happy to take on that role later. But for the time being, that's not my place. My room is still isn't clean.

If you spend large portions of your time on the couch, frustrated on the internet, smoking weed, spending more money than you have, living paycheck to paycheck, living at your parents, letting yourself go physically, or whatever aspect you might be shedding responsibility. Then start to think twice. You're not taking full responsibility for yourself, therefore you can’t take responsibility for someone else. And therefore, no women should think you are able to either.

These types of behaviours don’t magically show up once a woman chooses you. It’s not a problem of being like this, because women don’t see you. You don’t suddenly become a responsible and masculine man, the moment a woman starts dating you. Women start taking you serious, once you start portraying more responsible behaviours.

To be frank.

The whole game is fucked. Men are struggling, and so are women. We love to search for scapegoats, but in the end that doesn’t accomplish shit. It is what it is. We are the result of the times, and if past generations would have faced similar times, they would've struggled with similar problems. It’s not personal, it’s just human wiring in a given set of conditions.

If you think the whole dating market should change those conditions because of your misery, you’re in for a tough road. It’s just simply not that simple. Chances are, that it’s going to become a lot worse before it’s going to become better. So take responsibility for your personal situation, and better it. You’re the only one who can. Clean your room.

Johnny Joseph from Abundance & Aphrodisiacs