saying that men primarily derive social support from women is a cop out

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-09-27T11:15:30+00:00

Removed for OP abandonment

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2022-09-27T06:57:36+00:00

I somewhat agree with this. Women say they want their men to open up about their emotions. In my experience, this is somewhat true, but only to the extent that their man's emotions don't cause any real problems for them. Cry on her shoulder for a few hours because a loved one died? She loves that shit. Talk to her about feelings of depression, anxiety, or anything that hints at a long-term vulnerability? That's a turn off. This is why I avoid talking to any girl I'm interested in about things that are actually making me sad/depressed; I've got plenty of good friends (men and women) who can support me on that front.

That being said, I don't think this situation has anything to do with the inherent qualities of women. It has a lot more to do with what society and the media claim the roles of men and women should be: Men aren't supposed to be vulnerable unless someone dies. Women, as the "hysterical", emotional ones, are allowed to display whatever feelings they like. As a result, a man displaying emotions other than happiness and anger will result in him being seen as less of a real man.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-09-27T11:06:09+00:00

Is the gender that can recap every minute detail of their day claiming they are the ones with undue emotional burden again?

poppy_blu · 2022-09-27T09:09:01+00:00

So where do men get their emotional support from if it’s not women?

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-09-27T07:57:06+00:00

going through a crisis

The primary reason is because when faced with adversity; we must be capable of overcoming it. So any inability to effectively manage adversity, isn’t beneficial. Either practically, or sexually.

That said it’s why things like Stoicism, and Emotional Mastery, are pivotal. For growth.

Godspeed and good luck!

Lysa_Bell · 2022-09-27T07:52:15+00:00

This is why I think it's important to have a partner that is similarly fucked up to you. It's not necessary that women and men can't show certain emotions to each other. It's that they can't relate necessarily if they have never been through something like this. My bf has anxiety and depression. As have I. We are both dealing with it in our own ways but talk about it. We give each other support and try to share what worked and helped us. My bf is cheering me on that I got myself a therapist as did I for him. When I told my mom I am visiting a therapist her instant reaction was to get defensive if she did something wrong as a mother.

This is just a matter of relating to things. If you go through stuff that your partner can't absolutely relate to it might feel like they just brush you off or it makes them feel uncomfortable. This is why men call women bitches when we are on our period and acting out. They can't relate.

I don't think it's as much of a gendered thing as people want it to be. Sure there is stuff that is male and female specific but the biggest issue is not being able to feel empathy if you've never been in that issue your partner is having.

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vogel777 · 2022-09-27T09:35:26+00:00

Well I definitely think women are told men prefer happy cheerful women. Women are called nags, bitches, moaners and crazy by men for displaying negative affect. Women maybe seen as the more emotional sex but that doesn't necessarily translate to blanket acceptance and is in fact often used as a stick with which to beat them. Some guys might patiently listen to the troubles of some girl he wants to fuck but he has an ulterior motive which overrides his natural aversion to the display of negative affect. Perhaps his girlfriends in the absence of love or a long term commitment did not have such an ulterior motive?

Here's the truth that is somewhat taboo in our times where people wear their mental health diagnosis as a badge of honour, nobody enjoys listening to or being with a depressed person. My mother is a depressive and I love her but man is she a bummer to be around when she's down. My husbands Uncle is a lovely man but suffers from severe anxiety and that fucks up the lives of his whole family. I'm a naturally happy person and have don't struggle with my mental health after learning how to cope with negative feelings as a child and don't see why I should take that gift and throw it away by shackling myself to a depressed person and nor should you.

Of course every person has ups and downs and I've supported my husband through bereavements and periods of uncertainty and stress and he's done the same for me because we love each other but we also don't use each other as emotional garbage cans. If someone is doing that to you then that's not a healthy relationship. Sometimes men do keep quiet for a long time about things that are bothering them or upsetting them and sometimes that's because some men have issues at times pinpointing exactly what the issue is or even what they feel and this is where talking can be really helpful and this should be encouraged because that's often a great way to bring issues into the light and to start to deal with them. Women have the advantage of being able to do this with friends from a young age but men often don't develop this skill (some do of course) and will need their wives or girlfriends help but it probably needs to be a relationship where you know each other very well and where trust is high.

So you need to grow up, if your in a relationship as described by the OP then talk about it find some ground rules like allowing each other to vent occasionally without judgement but if venting becomes one-sided or a regular habit then that's going to sour the relationship quickly. Everyone needs to learn to deal with their own shit as adults. Vent to a journal or to a therapist. Obviously if your seriously unwell or having thoughts of self harm then tell someone but for most people they just need to learn to be more resilient, to accept shit happens and that they way to deal with shit is to let it go. Life is dangerous and chaotic, suffering is inevitable and everybody dies so why worry about it?

Title	saying that men primarily derive social support from women is a cop out
Author	ApplesauceThegod
Upvotes	12
Comments	16
Date	September 27, 2022 6:36 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xp8w35/saying_that_men_primarily_derive_social_support/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/saying-that-men-primarily-derive-social-support.1133738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133738

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