Do's and Don'ts on a "first date"

operationveritas · 2020-05-29T13:35:10+00:00

Some mistakes I made in the past were making things way too ‘fabricated’. I used to plan everything to the T and go to some ridiculous restaurant I’ve never been to and spend copious amounts of money. But that was Old me. Don’t do that.

Nowadays (post swallowing RP about 1.5y.a. and recently RPC) I’m much more casual and laid back about the whole approach, e.g if I’m just heading somewhere anyway (the pub/a walk/shopping/other activity) then I’ll ask if she wants to tag along or meet me there/after. Pretty low effort, but again it’s a first date.

Also in doing that, you weed out the gold diggers/materialistic ones. Just keep it casual, laid back and fun. Hold your frame and don’t get pushed around.

Think of it like going to pet a cat for the first time, you can’t. The cat has to ‘accustom’ itself to you (your frame) then the cat will come to you, and you can pet it. This may take a week or an hour. The key is that you just keep going about your business (hold frame) and let the cat do it’s thing so it doesn’t see you as a ‘threat’.

God will show you whether she’s worth your time or not, and you’ll know it too.

Edit: am open to corrections/feedback on the cat theory 😂

OsmiumZulu · 2020-05-29T16:45:41+00:00

Do:

Tease her, poke fun at her, make inside jokes with her, etc
Enjoy yourself. You invited her along for your amusement.
Have a "next place" in mind. If you are enjoying the date invite her to go with you. "Since I'm pretty sure you aren't a serial killer now that we've had a chance to get to know each other, I am going (kayaking / to a BBQ / whatever) after this, want to come along?" etc. If she joins you, awesome. If not, you have something fun to do anyway.
Ask her lighthearted get to know you questions. Try to ask things that others normally don't. (i.e., "If your cover as an undercover agent got blown and you had to flee the country, where would you go?")

Don't:

...ask yes or no questions. It's beyond boring. "Do you like pizza?" "No." *crickets* Stick to open ended questions. "How would you describe the feeling of eating your favorite meal?"
...interrogate her. Stay away from topics like politics, current affairs, theology, marriage, etc. These are all things you can get into later if this date goes well, but it is often counter productive to go there early on. You are simply there to be amused. I have many guy friends who make this mistake every time and it never works out for them.
...let the date go on too long. Even if the conversation is great, you are enjoying yourself, and she seems to be vibing, it is awkward when you finally come to the point where the conversation stalls and you realize you've been hanging out at Wendy's for four hours talking. Besides, you have other things to do, right? If you want to keep the date going invite her along, but don't stay in one spot for too long. If you end on a high note and she enjoyed it she's likely to be open to joining you again later.
...be afraid to end it if you aren't enjoying yourself. If she is boring, giving you one word answers, or otherwise you aren't feeling it, end it. A lot of women agree to dinner dates thinking they will get free food out of it if they put in minimal effort. Don't be that guy. Your time and energy has value, so don't spend it on low effort people.

The key take away: You are not there to screen for a wife. You are there for your own entertainment. Act accordingly.

redwall92 · 2020-05-29T13:03:03+00:00

It sounds like you don't have a plan yet for this "first date." Is that the case?

My recommendation is to invite her to come along in something you want to do. If that's lunch at some place you love/enjoy or some place you've never tried, then so be it.

My recommendation is to be doing things, and then happen to be on a date as well if she comes along.

You like hiking? Got a new place? Hike.

You like kayaking? Got a sweet spot that you feel like is yours? Take her along.

You like Mediterranean food? Have the best pita-house in town? Eat gyros with her.

Like dancing? Got an opening at a class? Bring her along.

Like boxing? Class allows a single, free lesson? Bring her.

My recommendation is to NOT do something just because you're on a date. Nothing says "You are my whole reason for being here" like trying to craft some awesome first date experience for a girl.

If your mind is wrapped up in trying to impress her then you're in her frame. You'll be such a nice guy trying to make sure she's impressed and she's happy and having a good time. May work to get a second date. But this isn't how attraction lasts long-term.

CrispyBrian · 2020-05-29T14:19:01+00:00

Do's

-be fun to talk to (make her laugh, tease her, listen to her and pay attention)-be present --enjoy time with her -show your interest (make sure she knows it is a date not a casual talk)

Dont's

-being to excited (be romantic, not creepy)

-talking only about yourself (make sure she talks more, it makes you more mysterious)

-bombarding her with compliments

-smiling 24/7 (be honest about what makes you laugh or smile)

Good luck ;)

sabsz16 · 2020-05-30T01:15:19+00:00

I hope a fellow sister’s opinion can be shared here! I usually opt for coffee dates. It’s super casual, doesn’t show too much interest/investment too fast, it’s less commitment than lunch or dinner, if things go south, AND if you offer to pay for her coffee, it’ll be $5/6 tops. I’ve had coffee dates that lasted anywhere from half an hour to four hours. Just a suggestion :)

Decimus_Stark · 2020-05-30T02:19:46+00:00

Whats the book on jewish evangelism?

Rifleshoot · 2020-05-29T16:13:54+00:00

Enter the date with the mindset you are vetting her to be your wife (hint: as a Christian, you really are). Ask questions, find out who this girl is. You want to know if she’s someone that’s worth getting to know better. Have fun with it, crack jokes, and don’t be uptight about it.

Title	Do's and Don'ts on a "first date"
Author	Continuous-Metanoia
Upvotes	17
Comments	24
Date	May 29, 2020 12:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/gssgm3/dos_and_donts_on_a_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/dos-and-donts-on-a-first-date.668333 https://theredarchive.com/post/668333

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