In surrendered wife she talks about the type of man you shouldn't surrender to as only being extreme cases. If they're physically violent or if they have an addiction. She goes on to talk about verbal abuse as being a symptom of the wife's need to submit. Doesn't elaborate more on how to protect yourself emotionally while trying to surrender to that man or when to throw in the towel. It's not a situation that should continue so what if surrendering doesn't work?

I've only been working on surrendering since the end of October but I had hoped to see some small encouraging changes by now. Just more understanding between each other and intimacy, maybe less angry outbursts. We fight a lot less but only because I use surrendered wife to give him nothing on which to escalate. He sure does try to go on his usual tirades every time I step out of line though. I'm realizing now that this isn't sustainable. My motivations aren't out of love but fear and intimidation and I need a captain, not a dictator. I can still see that amazing man hiding he can be but he's got to get a handle on his Mr. Hyde side because it's killing me.

Has anyone been in or heard of a similar situation starting out and it actually gone on to improve? Any ideas on how I can handle this better? This is my first marriage and we have a baby so leaving is the last thing I want to do. But I don't think he'll listen to me if I try to have a sit down with him and frankly I'm too scared of his reaction to attempt it. He doesn't hit me but he can yell at me over small things for well over an hour so idk how I could even get him through this conversation without a meltdown. I've been thinking of having his older brother (who's views do align pretty well with rp) talk to him if that wouldn't be too emasculating. He's given him good marriage advice in the past and I trust that he would make sure to help him see reason before sending him home.

Thank you all in advance and feel free to tell me off if I'm totally wrong on everything. My goal is to fix my marriage so if I'm being blind to my own faults please let me know.