How do you control your anger?

EllaBits3 · 2022-02-07T23:23:29+00:00

I mean, the advice to think before you speak hasn't steered anyone wrong before. Focus on rational thoughts instead of irrational emotional thoughts. The quickest way to lose an argument or lose respect from your "opponent" is to become the angrier one or to raise your voice.

TheTwincessMaker · 2022-02-07T23:47:15+00:00

I think communicating when you're overwhelmed is undervalued. My husband knows that "leave me alone, please" means exactly that. I need a breather. I'm going to say things I don't mean. Just give me a minute. Other great lines:

"I don't want to talk about this right now." "I don't want to fight. Let's talk about something else."

These don't work, of course, if you're typically a passive aggressive person.

InsomniaBrigid · 2022-02-07T23:28:46+00:00

Self-care. Take care of yourself and make sure you don’t feel depleted. For me it’s taking a bath or a nap.

Don’t join the argument. Give up the need to be right at all costs. 70% can’t be solved and are just fights about opinions. Listen just to understand or to just listen. “Yep. Uh huh. I hear you!” The other 30% use the word AND and state what you want. Don’t fight about the other persons perspective. What that looks like is my H says, “I think we should put the kids in their own rooms.” What that means is that I will be giving up my office space and I won’t have anywhere to store my stuff and what I want is at least a 5 by 5 space (the size of a walk-in closet for my teaching supplies). So I said, “Okay, if we need to do that we will make it happen AND I’d like a small room to put my stuff, like the size of a bathroom or a walk-in closet.” Use the word AND. My husband stopped, thought about it and decided to keep the kids in the shared bedroom. He looked into adding a space above the garage.

Stop criticizing and turn it into a desire. Instead of saying “it’s so hot” say what you want “I’d like to cool off”.

About social issues. Read Arun Grandi’s book about his grandfather, Gandhi

Strixt · 2022-02-08T19:11:41+00:00

Why are you snappy to begin with?

Are you sleeping enough?

Are you having a balanced diet?

Are you taking supplements/vitamins with iron etc?

Do you constantly feel depleted/low blood sugar?

Are you giving your body the care it needs with exercise?

If all those are in good shape….

Have you tried turning all electronics off and having a 1 - 1 sit down with your husband?

If unable to have that. Have you tried writing your husband a detailed letter regarding your frustrations? Writing it out can really help you paint a picture of what is really bothering you and gives you the chance to hear your own voice and change your wording and tone to avoid being unnecessarily hostile and getting rid of biting words.

The next step would be couples counseling. A third person always helps to keep your manners in check especially when it is a stranger. This way you can talk to the counselor about your husband with him hearing it without you talking “at” your husband.

Another thought is… is it fair or right to snap this way at your child? If not than why is it fair to snap at your husband? It isn’t productive tbh towards children or husbands. Anger management books for parents, men, women and even kids are all over Amazons audible and kindle store. Meaning, you are not alone in this endeavor. It’d be worth giving those books a try.

Ensuring you aren’t holding onto things is another important aspect. If you are holding a grudge from something a while back it helps build up anger and you start snapping unnecessarily and without much cause. Working past/through perceived wrongs or such can help you move forward to a happier place. Otherwise your blood pressure, sleep, and overall mental well-being is at risk.

egi____ · 2022-02-08T19:24:58+00:00

you use rationality, when you use rationality, you do not feel anger.

egi____ · 2022-02-08T19:26:59+00:00

seriously tho, when you act rationaly, there is no place for anger, so the anger some may have issues with disappears. Try it, you'll see.

iHkg31f3 · 2022-02-09T03:59:57+00:00

I try and let go of my desire to “win” or “be right”. It’s not easy. But it forces me to really listen to what my husband is saying and understand why it’s important to him.

I find with this approach my husband then approaches me with more kindness and understanding in why something matters to me.

Jikira · 2022-02-10T13:37:44+00:00

Take a deep breathe. Do not engage in a discussion if you are angry wait. Even if that means you have to shut down in a middle of a conversation. Say I’m angry in the heat of the moment. Nothing else. Then step away and process..

If you need to scream in a pillow, break something, go for a walk do it.

Take some time to figure out your triggers and discuss them accordingly in therapy with friends or people you trust etc.

My SO and I are both very snappy and angry people. We grew up in chaotic homes where we had to parent ourselves.

If you do snap, discuss it aloud explain to yourself or whoever why you were irritated. It is important to discuss these things out loud.

Do not argue! learn to debate and be around people who are willing to listen. Do not repress how you are feeling. Remember being angry or snappy isn’t a bad thing, it is okay to feel emotions both good and bad. However we can learn to feel things in a healthy way!!

Things I do

Title	How do you control your anger?
Author	Fabulous-Cat-860
Upvotes	12
Comments	10
Date	February 7, 2022 10:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/sn2t25/how_do_you_control_your_anger/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/how-do-you-control-your-anger.1100474 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100474

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