Own Your Stuff

anothergoodbook · 2021-07-07T10:53:36+00:00

36, married 14 years, 4 kids, homeschooler, work part time

I’ve been focusing a lot on the house and I have had a lot of wins in that area lately. But I’ve let my eating go completely.

My working out has also stalled as I have an ankle injury that flairs up everyone I try to start working out more. Ugh.

So my goals are..

Finances: I handed over the money to my husband. My goal is to stay within the boundaries he has set up for us. I’m also working on STFU when it comes to money. I handed it to him so I’m not second guessing him or asking him about the money he spends or about what he asks me to do. I know I need to trust him in this area and let him just take care of it.

House: my husband and I have been talking about the housekeeping as the fall comes and my schedule will be much more full (on top of what I already do I will be homeschooling a new school year and then teaching a class at our local co-op which also means yet another day I’m not home to manage things (but no one is home at least). My husband said he doesn’t expect me to handle everything. He’d like me to have something set up so on the weekends I work he can handle things at home (more or less enforcing the kids’ chores). My goal in this area is to have a more clear cleaning schedule so that once I’m busier in the fall I can still manage to get things taken care of.

Meals: my goal in this area is to actually make the meals I plan. I also would like to make breakfasts and lunches for my husband. I got a bunch of cookbooks from the library to get some ideas from.

Health: use my resistance bands to do sit down or less impact workouts. Make an appointment with the podiatrist for my foot / ankle pain. While I’m not actively dieting, I also don’t want to gain the weight back that I lost. So maintenance would mean not eating a bunch of junk food (especially with a camping trip coming up). So it goes hand in hand with mean planning - but planning healthy meals and snacks for myself.

Relationship: I’ve been seeing the little things I do that are disrespectful or downright rude. I think their ingrained. I’ve been doing a lot of praying and listening to various people about these issues. I realize that feminist ideals run deep. I’ve been listening to Suzanne Venker and that’s been eye opening for me. My biggest thing is working on just following his lead. In the big and small. For me that has come down to trust and fear. I want to take care of myself and make sure I get taken care of. Im seeing how the lack of example in my parents and also how I was emotionally neglected as a kid have brought me to this inability to let go. But I have an amazing husband how I know I can trust. It’s all me with the trust issue. Thankfully he’s been really gracious toward me in that regard. So I’m working on STFU and just doing what he’s asking because there’s a good reason for it.

Appearance: I’ve been working on looking more feminine. Around the house I’ve been wearing dresses and skirts. I try to choose more feminine looking tops if I’m just wearing jeans. I also bought some new earrings. I’ve also been wearing makeup almost all the time. I like it. I feel like the softer me is coming out. Im working on learning what it means to be more feminine (I realize it’s not just appearance - I’m trying to learn more deeply what femininity looks like and embrace it).

HappilyMrs · 2021-07-07T11:36:03+00:00

Nothing to report, not meeting any of my goals, and just feel lost really. I need a complete mental reset and to restart my habits.

Lightandlush · 2021-07-06T21:46:47+00:00

OYSMe: 27, Husband 33, SAHM, 2 kids 3yo and 8 months, married 5 yrs

Parenthood: The biggest struggle here right now is that the baby is not sleeping at all. Wakes up all the time, wanting attention in the middle of the night. Its been rough. Having lots of fun with the toddler. Goal is to have 1-2 more playdates this week.

Health: Nothing new under the sun. Same weight (127), same goal (~122), same reason I haven’t reached it (yummy food). I am dedicating myself to be super strict with my diet for the next week before my next OYS.

Beauty/hygiene: Still happy here. I continue to love wearing makeup daily and mostly dresses and skirts. My husband loves when I wear makeup, put effort into looking feminine.

Demeanor: I have come to realize I sometimes have a very abrasive demeanor. I can be aggressive. I can be sarcastic. Even my laugh is often too loud/brash. I know my husband likes me best when my whole demeanor is soft and receptive.

Relationship: Oof, things are rough. Very volatile. We are fighting more than we have in a long time. Probably since the very beginning of our marriage. I feel lost about how to make him happy. And he vacillates between coming on to me and seeking affection/sex and being really distant/angry at me. And then feeling guilty about getting mad at me, and trying to make it up to me. We had a big fight about a week ago (that started with a much smaller disagreement about how to handle the toddler’s tantrum) and he said something like “Im just realizing that I really have had no power/respect in the last 5 years of our marriage”. A couple days later he again said something like “You’re not even sorry for being manipulative/using me for the last 5 years”

His criticism is valid, and I know its brought on my all that he is coming to understand from reading all this red pill material. I know he feels angry. I know he feels lied to. And I know he feels really misled by me. He thought that he was doing everything he could to make me happy for the last 5 years (being understanding, taking on way more than his share of household chores, allowing me to make unilateral decisions because he didn’t want me to get mad if he disagreed with me). But usually I would get even MORE annoyed/irritated at him when I felt like he was pandering to me. At the time I didn’t understand what the f*** was wrong with me. Learning about red pill helped me understand why I was feeling that way (even though I still feel so guilty about it).

I am sorry though, and I have told him that. I think I just have to keep my mouth shut and give him time and space to work through his anger.

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2021-07-10T07:11:49+00:00

This is my first OYS so bear with me.

I'm 29,engaged to an almost 33 year old, getting married end of August, we've lived together for over 3 years, been together for almost 6.

Home: Somehow, this has been my biggest improvement lately. I meal plan on Sunday morning and have fully stuck to it this week, which was great. I made fiance his lunches for work with leftovers, and made sure all his clothes were ironed. I did all of this without much stress and rushing, which is what I used to do. Even if the work got done, the crazy rush definitely took away from it. A domestic goddess breezes through it, she doesn't leave it till last minute and freak out. My fiance has noticed and is very grateful. Yesterday he had a meeting and his shirt wasn't fully dry by the morning (he wanted a specific one that wasn't washed and decided right before bed that he wanted to wear that one lol) so I stood with a hair dryer for 20 minutes and ironed it till it dried haha, he appreciated that and was so happy it dried. That was quite funny.

This week, he only did 1 round of dishes and 1 load of laundry and I did everything else. Despite the fact that I also work full time, he works a physical job and I hate the idea of him coming home to chores. I need to find a nice balance there and I'm onto something after this week. The lack of dishwasher is a killer though. Who wants to get off work to cook AND do dishes? Not me. But alas, I have to.

My goal here is to stick to my Sunday meal plan and not let him do so much during the week.

Relationship: two weeks ago I had a moment where I realised he wasn't paying me much attention and was mostly playing video games. I was furious and had it out with him. Of course, it wasn't even his fault, it was mine. As Laura Doyle says, when you find you have no tolerance for your man, it's probably because you've been neglecting yourself. After the fight, when he put me back in my place, I looked in the mirror and saw the truth. I spent the weekend being grumpy and focused on household chores etc. I did no self care that weekend at all and admittedly looked like shit. No wonder 1) I was grumpy and 2) he wasn't paying me attention! This has happened before too - my goal is to identify this next time I feel this way and realise ITS ME!!! Preferably before I snap. 🙃

Also, not only was I neglecting myself, but I had not been the goddess of light and fun in a while either, or the fun gf he once had. To be fair its been a rough ride this year, but I need to remember the relationship is my responsibility. I've spent the past two weeks trying to be his goddess of fun and light. I'm reading the Surrendered Wife again and trying to keep the contradicting to a minimum.

Since those two weeks, after realising that I had steered us into a rut, things have been great. I mean they weren't bad before, they were just... Lukewarm 😂🙄 He's been a lot more affectionate, appreciative and complementary. I feel cherished again and he seems a lot more relaxed. He messaged me yesterday while at work saying all the stuff I do for him is making him feel bad and he called me Super-Boo.

Appearance: I changed my hair colour last weekend and it's much lighter, my facial features look a lot softer and more feminine now. I've bought new makeup that looks great on. My biggest problem here is 1) I don't wake up early enough on weekdays to look how I want to look by the time I leave the house and 2) I don't work out at all. So, my goals here are to 1) wake up earlier and 2) do some kind of physical exercise. I'm very petite and don't need any weight loss or cardio, I just need to tone and strengthen my muscles, so it's hard to find a class that I would enjoy since a lot of them are geared towards weight loss and are very intense. I looked up yoga but the studios close to me offer so many different kinds of it, it's overwhelming just looking at their schedule of classes. I'd love any tips you ladies might have here, keeping in mind it's very hot and humid here. I don't have much stamina so generally I feel self conscious working out.

Finances: I'm not married yet so I certainly won't be handing over any finances yet haha. But I've been deferring to him for purchases the past few months and actually listened to his opinion. As a result my fiances are looking up. We have a goal to reach in the next year and it seems with his guidance, we are on track. I just need to stick to it.

sunflowerteahoney · 2021-07-13T02:14:51+00:00

Married | Late 20's | Homeowners | No kids yet but hopeful in the near future

I've been feeling such a lack of motivation for the past month or so. I know what my priorities are but just aren't meeting them. Buy a bunch of healthy groceries and make a meal plan for every week but then end up wasting all the food and eating takeout. Today was worse, I ate chips for dinner lol. Also meeting my financial goals is not going as planned, hardly have any money for our emergency fund.. takeout definitely doesn't help! Just feeling down on myself because this is not what I want but I can't get off the couch and do anything about it

I also was looking forward to fixing up our yard and making it more beautiful but by the time I get home from work I'm exhausted! Weeds have taken over and the grass is dead! 😬

I wish I could be a SAHW or SAHM

Title	Own Your Stuff
Author	Lightandlush
Upvotes	2
Comments	25
Date	July 6, 2021 9:46 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/of4vvy/own_your_stuff/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/own-your-stuff.789035 https://theredarchive.com/post/789035

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