Problems with Husband's Desire

TempestTcup · 2016-06-23T21:00:49+00:00

OP are you going to respond to us or are you just going to flirt and seek validation with the men at askMRP?

madscientistlove · 2016-06-23T19:07:00+00:00

Also, my pregnancy was a very rough time for us relationship-wise. I know this had something to do with it.

This stands out to me the most out of everything in your post, and I get the feeling that you're trying to downplay it. ~~What were these relationship issues? How did you contribute to them?~~

From your MRP post:

I did some pretty dumb stuff. Some screaming, begging for attention, demanding that he explain things NOW, crying hysterically before some trips of his because of a fight the night before.

So, you were bitchy, hysterical, and disrespectful to your husband; and this in turn put him off sex with you. A negative, disrespectful woman isn't attractive no matter what she looks like!

It sounds like he then turned to porn, which has become a bit of a habit, plus I'm sure you're BOTH dealing with the stress of a new baby (and maybe on his part, the shock of seeing you give birth).

But I have tried almost everything I can think of, short of total separation, to right any wrongs and to do my part to do what I can to make the relationship good again.

Good! My advice to you is to keep at it. Keep being sweet, respectful, and available. Your issue didn't develop overnight, and it probably won't be resolved overnight either. You say you're physically attractive, and that's great. Now work on being chill, fun, and pleasant for your husband to be around... become a more appealing option than the porn and fantasies he's watching.

lady_baker · 2016-06-23T20:10:53+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4phxyi/husband_no_longer_passionate/

I got a lot more out of her additional info in her MRP xpost than I did here.

I think this guy lost his wife goggles.

conotocaurius · 2016-06-23T18:25:00+00:00

Also, my pregnancy was a very rough time for us relationship-wise. I know this had something to do with it.

If you know that your pregnancy has something to do with the problem, it might be good to add some details about it. :)

But I have tried almost everything I can think of, short of total separation, to right any wrongs and to do my part to do what I can to make the relationship good again.

Ditto for this. What have you tried?

Camille11325 · 2016-06-23T19:01:01+00:00

Please update your post so that it contains this information. Include the parts that you glossed over - the pregnancy and the attempts you have made to improve. Thanks!

lady_baker · 2016-06-23T22:20:13+00:00

I am going to make a recommendation.

Red pill advice for men is 'less talk, more action.' Now, clearly action is called for here. But I think he needs to hear some words from you, too.

You are going to need to be deeply respectful of him. That is easy to say, but difficult to do if you have spent years focused on yourself and your own needs and haven't ever thought about what he needs, as a man, from his partner in life. What does he need to feel that he picked the right first mate? Not, how can I get the sex better again. That follows.

The next part is a gesture, and where the "talk" part comes in. Find a time where you are alone, and can be uninterrupted for a while. Wear something that you know he finds you particularly beautiful in. Ideally he won't be exhausted, and not emotional.

What you need here is a symbol of repentance and of submission. If he is seated, you could sit at his feet and lay your head on his knee. You could even kneel (use judgement.)

Then you tell him that you understand you put him through pain, that you did not act befitting a wife, and that you are truly sorry. Depending on your dynamic, ask for guidance on what he needs from his woman. He may not have a lot of answers at that time.

Then the real work of examining the way you speak to him and putting him first, day in and day out, comes.

sugarcrush · 2016-06-23T18:39:04+00:00

Testosterone levels tend to drop in men after age 30. It's possible that he has lost interest and begun relying on porn because he can't physically get or keep an erection without the extra stimulation. Have you noticed any other symptoms such as feeling more tired, depressed, low motivation, or weight gain? Might be something to look into. It is a fairly easy fix and can make a big difference!

_wingnut_ · 2016-06-23T18:33:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Irisandoleander · 2016-06-23T17:53:11+00:00

Well, this is a crappy situation. I'm sorry you're feeling that way.

I have a few questions but it might help if you edit your OP using our "How to ask for advice" template found here.

Mainly I'm curious how passionate were you when you were dating/engaged and when you feel the shift was made. I can't speak to post pregnancy as it's not something I have experienced but I'm familiar with the ups and downs of passion in a LTR. It's super sucky when you feel unwanted in a sexual way, especially if you use to feel wanted. Has anything major, other then the baby, happened in his life? New job, diet, etc?

Stage_4 · 2016-06-23T18:29:55+00:00

Sounds like this guy watches (or has watched) way too much porn. That decreases the excitement from conventional sex. Also, it frames all sex as fucking and not love making. Kissing is not necessary if all you are doing is fucking.

Title	Problems with Husband's Desire
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	34
Date	June 23, 2016 5:00 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4phrlh/problems_with_husbands_desire/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/problems-with-husbands-desire.209885 https://theredarchive.com/post/209885

Comments