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Surrendering The Leash

Irisandoleander
January 2, 2017
7 upvotes
/r/RedPillWives
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Post Information
Title Surrendering The Leash
Author

Irisandoleander
Upvotes 7
Comments 18
Date January 2, 2017 3:34 PM UTC
(9 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5llro5/surrendering_the_leash/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/surrendering-the-leash.209257
https://theredarchive.com/post/209257
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Comments

[–]whistling_dixie 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I think this gives a very good perspective of the important role fathers play to their children - a role that seems to be perceived more and more and one that is less important or less involved.

We obviously know that pets are not children, but it's a good correlation for surrendering in parenthood - mothers and fathers play different roles, but both parents are extremely important.

[–]blushinglillyMarried 5 ys, Early 30s7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. I've said this here before but in my opinion women who push their partners out of child rearing just make a rod for their own backs.

My husband plays a vital role in my son's life and having him involved in both the fun stuff and in discipline is good for my son, but its good for me too. It's exhausting having to do everything and if I'd pushed him out totally and demanded to be in charge all the time, I would have put myself in that situation.

Plus my son has to learn how to be a man, and he does this by observing and interacting with his dad. If all he sees is me overriding his Dad and pushing him away, what would he end up thinking?

[–]Irisandoleander 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! It was such a funny little epiphany I just had to share. Those little moments can really deeply effect the foundation of respect in a relationship.

[–]StingrayVC3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

I STILL do this from time to time with our kids. It's not an easy thing to not do because sometimes I just act out of habit. What worse, is when I know my husband is just wrong about something, not because he's not doing it my way, but simply because he doesn't have all the information. So as to not undermine him in front of the kids, I have to wait to tell him and it can be so hard to just not blurt out, "But your wrong! You need to know this thing!"

Another difficulty? The kids will mind him better than you, almost guaranteed, even though you will be their main caregiver. That gets really frustrating, really fast.

Good post.

[–]Irisandoleander 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

"But your wrong! You need to know this thing!"

This made me giggle. I think a lot about learning to communicate with someone is understanding how they think and process information. As an engineer my husband is very open minded to changing his mind when presented with new information. So yes, how I present it will show the respect.

And he has expressed that he's aware I have this knowledge he doesn't so he asks a lot of questions. I can't blow his questions off, I need to be respectful when I hear a "dumb" question because they aren't dumb questions to him!

[–]StingrayVC4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link

how I present it will show the respect.

Absolutely. Also, learning to read the situation was something I needed to learn. He's telling the kids we are going to do something that I know we can't do because X. I just tell him. The kids are being super annoying but they might be under the weather and he doesn't know it? Pull him aside and tell him. Kids are clever little creatures and will use what they can to undermine your unified front with your husband. I think it was u/cats_or_get_out who had a fantastic phrase for this but I can't remember what it was.

[–]cats_or_get_out points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

We don't negotiate with toddlers. They are little insurgents. hahahaha

[–]_TheFantasticMrsFox_28, engaged, together 7 years2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

They certainly are. I don't have children yet- but I used to be a preschool teacher so I'm an expert non-negotiator.

[–]cats_or_get_out points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Pre-school teachers have a tough job. Not everyone can hack it. I admire them so much!!

[–]_TheFantasticMrsFox_28, engaged, together 7 years2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

So rewarding though- I certainly loved those daily hugs!

[–]StingrayVC2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I love this because it is so true.

[–]_TheFantasticMrsFox_28, engaged, together 7 years4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I believe she called them little insurrectionists lol which is absolutely true! They find the chink in fence and burst through at any chance!

[–]whistling_dixie 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

The kids will mind him better than you, almost guaranteed, even though you will be their main caregiver.

This is absolutely how it was in my house growing up too. Even though when it came down to things my mom didn't want to give the final answer on, and even though my mom frequently undermined my dad in front of us, we still minded him better.

I think dads just give that aura of more power to children, and I personally think it's a good idea to reinforce that perception. :)

[–]StingrayVC1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

As I was trying to say, I agree, though I cringe when I would say wait till your dad gets home!

[–]StingrayVC points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I personally think it's a good idea to reinforce that perception.

I completely agree. This is how we do it though I cringed when I heard myself say, "just wait till your dad gets home!"

[–]whistling_dixie 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Hoo girl, you quintuple posted. I suddenly had 5 orangereds and got a little nervous there for a sec, haha.

[–]StingrayVC2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

My flipping phone. Now I've gone and deleted them all!

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 10 years total1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is so true - It's really hard to wait and talk privately if I feel he's being overly strict, but it's important. Once my daughter started asking me straight away after he said no, it woke me up that maybe i've slipped up too often!

Another difficulty? The kids will mind him better than you, almost guaranteed, even though you will be their main caregiver. That gets really frustrating, really fast.

yes. so much yes. When you've battled a toddler all week and they obey dad perfectly all weekend it's a bit teeth-grindy.

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