A dark past

JJ3314 · 2018-09-26T16:36:29+00:00

Since you are being intentionally vague, the only advice I can give you is this: (1) If you are after a short term relationship with a man, your past does not matter at all, unless you are dangerous. (2) If you are after a long term relationship, unless you are 100% certain that you moved beyond it, and old patterns of behavior/thinking/feeling are not influencing your current life, you should give your man a good idea of what is going on after it looks like a mutual connection has developed, but not after a committed relationship has developed where you know it would be a major hassle for him to back out (especially marriage).

A man rejecting you is not “mistreating you.” Women are pretty unapologetic about rejecting men for all sorts of stupid reasons. Rejecting a woman based on concerns for her character is not mistreatment.

CalvinRichland · 2018-09-26T15:58:35+00:00

Why do you feel compelled to talk to dates like they are your therapist? How soon into relationship do you bring this up?

Maybe talk with a professional about this to remove your need to speak abot it?

Pixie0310 · 2018-09-26T16:35:38+00:00

I have lived through some similar things, I'm sure, as you. Since this is an anonymous place - I've been hospitalised for mental issues. I've self-injured. I've taken too many pills without knowing what they were and didn't care if I died. I was abused as a kid.

I could go on, but you get the idea, and there's no reason to.

I went into therapy young, got a lot of diagnoses and a lot of medication.

I found that when I felt the need to give all this information about myself in a relationship - any relationship, even friendships - it was for a few specific reasons.

1) I thought it made me seem tough.
2) I thought it made me seem interesting.
3) I thought it would make them feel sympathy / affection for me.
4) I genuinely wanted them to know I had been through something similar to what they had been through.

Imo, #4 is the only valid reason to ever share this kind of information with someone - like I just did, with you. If someone else tells you their trauma, and they are a person you care about and you trust them, you can tell them that you understand and relate, because of what you've been through.

Reasons 1-3 are very stupid. I probably hid under the cloak of "I need to be honest," but it wasn't about honesty. My fiance and I are very honest with each other - we are getting married in a few months and trying for our first baby. But I don't know every single detail of his childhood and past - especially all of the really ugly stuff. I know enough to know it was rough, and painful - but I don't want or need to be able to imagine him going through those things, and he doesn't need to be able to imagine me going through things either.

We know where the other came from, that we each went through some tough things - and that's enough. If you are in a situation where you feel as if you might have said too much, or said it too soon, you probably have. It might be good to really ask yourself why you feel the need to share this information, or give details.

drksouled · 2018-09-26T16:03:03+00:00

I’m a guy and I can tell you that the right guy for you will care about your past but only because it’s yours, not because of what it is. You will know.

fromo_latte · 2018-09-27T13:02:52+00:00

I feel very similar, I am very overprotective of my feelings and I avoid sharing them due to past negative reactions from people. As humans we naturally seek out intimate and emotional bonds. In order to truly be close to another, we must let our guard down and be vulnerable. I think we should challenge ourselves and share our honest feelings, but in a way that feels healthy as a catharsis. Also, not everyone will be attuned to our emotions, so choose wisely who you share the deepest parts of yourself. Remember, that balance is the key. Don’t keep it all in or don’t let it all out. Work with your intuition, it will let you know when it’s the right time to get something off your chest. And that doesn’t automatically equate telling someone. You could journal, go on a walking meditation, paint or do any other form of self expression that feels right to you.

cynicalhousewife · 2018-10-03T02:01:20+00:00

Why do you feel that this is something you need to share with anyone? It's not a part of your life any more. It only has to be a reality now if you make it one. Not everyone does well talking about emotional subjects. Not all men want or care to know that you were depressed some years back. The fact that you were feeling the need to bring it up like it was still a part of your life was possibly more of a problem than the fact that it actually happened. Move on with your life.

cocodecoca · 2018-10-03T20:25:48+00:00

Look not all of us have been well advantaged in life and plenty of people, including me have had a bad past. It's not fair, in my opinion to judge them on their start. It's what you're doing now that's important.

loneliness-inc · 2018-09-26T15:25:46+00:00

Is it right to talk about this?

I'm not sure what the "this" is.

Explain your question.

EL_Miore · 2018-09-27T13:18:17+00:00

Bitch, please.

I was a convicted felon at 19. Don't hit us with that "dark past" crap.

Title	A dark past
Author	nyamoon
Upvotes	9
Comments	23
Date	September 26, 2018 2:38 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9j32cp/a_dark_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/a-dark-past.67654 https://theredarchive.com/post/67654

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