Hello!

I’m a married 40F to 43M, one child who is 5. Together for ten years, married for eight. Sex life is decent - once or twice a week, which is how he wants it, I’d prefer a bit more. We are best friends and get along beautifully. We have no big relationship issues and are very happy.

I’m very fortunate that my husband is supporting me (emotionally!) to train to become a midwife (UK midwife, the equivalent of an obstetric nurse in the US). It’s an intense degree with full time work placements making up half of the degree (40 hours a week - sometimes on calls as well), 12 hour and night shifts required, but it’s my dream and it will give our family many opportunities that we wouldn’t otherwise have. Specifically, a visa to a country that he really wants us to move to.

His job is 35hrs all work from home, he enjoys it and finds it satisfying. He works 2pm - 10pm.

I’m having huge trouble keeping on top of the housework by myself. I try to do the vast bulk of it on my own - he’s the breadwinner and I couldn’t do this degree without his support. However, I do need his help, especially when I’m on night shifts. I have asked him to take the trash out - it’s too heavy for me, but it’s still there a week later. I gently reminded him once, he said he would do it, but still hasn’t.

All I really need from him is the odd time sensitive task and to not make huge messes.

I attempted to bring up that the housework load was making me sad - I want to keep the house lovely for us all, but I’m struggling. He shut me down, didn’t want to talk about it, so I dropped it - I’m really not sure where to go from here? Any advice?