[Advice] While low-no contact with LTR?

pudyi · 2018-06-02T02:58:14+00:00

I don't know if it will help you but writing my thoughts and feelings on paper like I'm talking to my boyfriend helps me a lot in dealing with these things. I know its hard to be away from your guy specially if you live together but I this is an opportunity to know yourself more, be more mature, more independent. I hope you use the time well. Best of luck! He'll be back soon enough.

WhySoOverHeated · 2018-06-02T08:24:47+00:00

Hi, I imagine what you are going through is really tough ATM.

So I'm just going to throw out all the ideas I can think of from my own personal experience (I have some psychological issues that means that my brain is a bit glitchy somehow and I can't remember people very well when I can't see them physically. This causes my brain to think people are dead after a couple of days of separation, and I start a grieving process.) I don't know the following will work for you, but I hope to inspire and you can take from it what you want.

Allow yourself to be sad and cry

This might seem obvious, but it can be a good idea to take some time out of your schedule to allow some space to cry. There is a good reason for being sad as you miss your man (remember you are not sick or weird for being sad! I don't know if you feel that way, I just know that I used to). Maybe mindfulness or meditation could help. I know it is a bit alternative but I'll suggest it anyway. Mindfulness is not about changing the feelings but allowing yourself to feel them and be with them, which might relieve at least some of the tension, as you can't really change the actual situation right now. (I use the "grief" session in the Headspace app when I miss my boyfriend a lot. It might be worth a try. You don't need any experience to do this, and the app is really easy and cute).

Physical contact

Try to get hugs, dance with others, get a relaxing massage, pet dogs or whatever works for you. It will release oxytocin in your body, which you probably usually get from physical contact with your boyfriend. This is something the mind gets addicted to (I have heard!), and abstinence cause emotional distress (so I have heard!).

Other physical needs

Stress yourself less, so get the sleep you need, eat though you might not want to, don't deprive yourself of energy unnecessarily. This will affect your mood. It is great to prioritize physical activities as well, as physical activity lingers psychological pain as well as physical and helps balance mood.

Tell people that you miss him

Get it out in the world, so it doesn't feel like you have to hide it or put on a face. You don't have to tell them any more than this, if you don't want to, you can simply say: "I am and bit sad today because I miss him, but I don't feel much like talking about it" :)

See people that make you feel good and safe

My therapist recommended me not only to spend time with friends but spend time with certain people that makes me feel comfortable, good about myself or safe, such as my mom or best friend.

Take on activities which involve responsibility

It is great to start projects with yourself, but it is a different thing to start a project or make plans where you have a responsibility towards others. This might help you get easier out of bed on tough mornings, and the rewards in a social context are different and will boost things such as self-worth, self-esteem, and maybe your mood. It could be simple such as arranging a get-together, helping someone out with something, or promise a friend you will bake a cake for her birthday. I find that this helps me feeling needed, loved and appreciated, when my partner is not around to give me this feeling and I can't spend time on my favorite hobby: being a good girlfriend for him.

Ask yourself why you feel especially sad today

That you miss him might really be a mix of a variety of feelings and thoughts eg. Its quiet and you feel alone, you miss that he holds you, you think about how fun he is having and you aren't a part of it.. Many thoughts can occur, and they are all ok. Welcoming the emotions and asking yourself what the sadness today consists of, might pinpoint you in directions of what could ease the pain a little. Don't let emotions frustrate you by thinking "Argh, there it is again!", instead use the emotions to guide you, eg.: If you miss his compliments you could wear that cute summerdress that makes the guys stare, if you miss him holding you get a hug, if you have a lot of sexual tension masturbate, if you miss doing small things to cheer him up do a little thing for someone else... What ever works for you!

Perspectives that might help

Remember that in a relationship it is not often that you get the opportunity to spend this much time on what you want without taking your partner into consideration. You now have the opportunity to be more impulsive and plan things that he usually don't want to do, eg. Perhaps watch girly movies, visit your aunt, have a party at your place with all your girlfriends, and so forth.

Remember that it is not about getting rid of the sorrow/grief/bitterness or whatever emotions may occur in the next period of time, it is more about accepting the emotions as part of the circumstances (because you really care for him), and about not letting the negative emotions prevent you from also having times with joy :)

(I am on the phone, so I might return and edit the spelling/grammar later, sorry!)

rapidprogram · 2018-06-02T04:28:17+00:00

no contact with a current boyfriend for months? sounds odd.

HB3234 · 2018-06-10T06:01:16+00:00

My partner and I often spend months apart for long distance hikes. We carry an InReach satellite messenger that allows us to text w/o cell service and track the other. A good night text and knowing where he is gives me peace of mind for the 1-3 weeks we can't get cell coverage, and vice versa.

Title	[Advice] While low-no contact with LTR?
Author	EyebrowsOnSpoons
Upvotes	20
Comments	13
Date	June 2, 2018 2:47 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8nxoo0/advice_while_lowno_contact_with_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice-while-low-no-contact-with-ltr.67368 https://theredarchive.com/post/67368

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