Age gap relationship

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2025-07-22T04:18:50+00:00

Have you ever actually dated an older guy? There’s a difference between “fixation” and compatibility.

And yes, you’re kinda making up reasons to freak yourself out for no reason if there is no actual older man in question.

Also, you’re 20, basically every guy you could date is older than you right now.

Antique_Mountain_263 · 2025-07-22T17:12:52+00:00

The bigger the age gap, the higher the risk of divorce. A guy who is 25-26 will still feel a lot older than you at age 20, but you’d have a lot more in common than with a guy 30+.

I don’t think any 35 year old man dating a 20 year old would be considered established or respected by his peers. He’d be considered a little creepy, barring some rare circumstances. I have seen couples where the guy looks extremely young (age 32 but literally looked 18-20) so it kind of made sense that his wife was 23.

You don’t need to fear aging babe. That’s something only women who are chronically online worry about. I’m 33 and I have barely changed from when I was 23. Even after four kids, I’m in great shape and very fit. My hair is at my elbows and my skin looks basically the same (slightly different but barely noticeable to anyone but me).

Also.. men age too. Don’t believe the lie that “men age better.” You’ll see once you get to your mid 30s. How you age depends on genetics and how you care for yourself.. not just your gender. Anyone can age poorly.

You have so much time to look young. Live your life as a young woman with a young guy who you can build a good life with. A five year age gap is perfect.

Werevulvi · 2025-07-22T09:53:41+00:00

I have dated quite a few older men. One was 9 years older when I was 18 (he 27), one was 7 years older when I was 27 (he 34), one was 40 years older when I was 28 (he 68.) I had a thing for older men when I was in my teens and 20's. But after that last, much older guy, I started to reconsider my age preferences.

Having grown up in a completely different generation can affect the relationship negatively. You won't be able to relate to simple things like what tv programs or music you grew up with, or the different social expectations you grew up surrounded by. And this may seem insignificant because on surface level it is, but it has a major impact on how we perceive ourselves, the world and our place in it, and where our opinions come from regardless of if we're conservative or liberal.

I can get along well with people my parents' age, largely because my political/moral values are more conservative (liberal-ish by their standards) but I reached that point from a completely different starting point, because I grew up in a more liberal world that I retaliated against, while they grew up in a more conservative world they retaliated against in the opposite way, and by happenstance we ended up reaching the same conclusions.

Even someone just 10 years older than me grew up in a world where kids were treated more strict and with less freedoms and didn't have internet or cellphones until they were adults. And even though I'm far more objecting to modern technology than most people my own age, fact is I still got my first cellphone and computer at age 12, which shaped me differently. Because I was 12 in year 2001, not in 1991. I'm 36 btw. And someone 10 years older would be 46.

But it was much more of a clash with the 68 year old I dated (he would be in his 70's by now fyi, if he's still around I dunno.) He grew up in the 50's and 60's, which was a decade before my parents' time. He had been married for 30 years and then divorced for some 10 years before he met me. He had no concept of autism as a condition and treated it like it was just me being lazy, and it took me a while to realize that it was probably just because back when he was young, even common mental illness like depression was seen as people just being lazy and making up excuses. He was a politician and when he ranted off about politics and social stuff in the 70's and 80's I was so confused. And I've always thought I've got a good grip on quite a lot of history, especially such relatively recent history still in people's living memory. But when he talked about his life it made me realize just how clueless I was, and I felt no connection to anything he said. At most I could relate it to some old movie I've seen. It was as if we were from different planets.

You may recognize this with people much younger than you. If you have a younger sibling or just use social media. Even people just 5-6 years younger. The language they use, the references they make, the ways they were raised, can you relate at all? Or are you on a completely different wave length? The same thing is true with people much older than you.

Now I'm still open to dating older men, because I know this generational clash doesn't have to be a big issue necessarily, especially with men only 5-10 years older than me. And I am more likely to find men with my values who are a bit older because yeah, most people my age are notably more modern than me in their mindsets. Like I still largely use analogue media and still believe it's proper to smile at strangers. Basically I'm a little old fashioned.

And people 10 years older than me still generally grew up in the same-ish world. They were teens when I was a child, so we did still experience most of the same decades, with the exception of the 1980's, and luckily I somehow remember quite a lot from the 90's even though I was very young then, so I can connect well enough with people who were teens back then. In some cases this generational gap can even be more of a bridge than a clash. Like learning from each other and finding connection in spite of the differences. That is if you can be open to perspectives quite different from your own.

So I'm not against age gap relationships or anything. I'm just more mindful of the downsides of it now, and I wouldn't want to date someone much older than me anymore. Personally I'd draw the line at around 10-12 years older. Because somewhere around that mark is when the world they knew during their formative years is starting to get significantly alien to me. Although dating a man more than twice my age sure was a valuable experience. Not one I'd wanna re-do, but like that was a lesson in humility I didn't think I needed. It made me think more realistically about age gap relationships in general.

As for your partner dyeing before you though... I'd suggest not overthinking that too much. Some people die in their 70's, others live to their 90's, and that's all well within what's considered a normal life expentancy. I have a rich family history of Alzheimer's, plus lived a pretty harsh life in my teens and 20's, so I don't actually expect to live into my 80's. I'll probably only get to 70-something years old. So then even if I'll marry a man 10+ years older than me, chances are he might even outlive me, or that we'd pass away around roughly the same time. Or not. I can't possibly know that.

One of the biggest reasons men have a shorter life expectancy is because they generally have more dangerous jobs (military, construction work, truck drivers, etc, with high mortality rate) and partially because they have a higher suicidality rate, but also because women dying in childbirth has lessened a lot with modern medicine. It's not because men's bodies are all that much more likely to break down sooner than women's bodies based purely on biology.

But even all that accounted for, including men's higher propensity for certain illnesses, men's and women's life expectancies are both in the 80's. It's just a few years difference, on average. I think it's 83 for men and 86 for women, or something like that. Which means there are plenty of men who live to their 90's as well, and plenty of women who don't. And there's no way of knowing if either you or your future husband will live longer or shorter than your respective average life expectancy. Assuming you're both healthy by the time you get married.

fashoclock · 2025-07-22T06:48:58+00:00

Man, if I dated someone of how he perceived my looks and aging, I'd probly not get very far either.

danis-inferno · 2025-07-22T16:10:39+00:00

I say this with good intentions but i think you shouldn't pursue an AGR until you're a bit older. I don't know if i buy that whole "frontal lobe developing at 25" thing, but as someone with a preference for older men and has actually been in AGRs before, i can tell you that you'd be setting yourself at a disadvantage if you were to pursue an AGR at your current age. It's so easy to be manipulated and gaslighted when you're dealing with an older man when you're younger, and that can really mess you up emotionally and mentally.

I don't know if this will be your first relationship, but if so I'd recommend starting with a man within 5-6 years of your age. Ofc it'll be harder to meet the criteria you're looking for (financially stable, mature, etc etc), but if you're smart about it you can still find a successful man who's mature and competent.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-07-22T12:11:04+00:00

Is this one those times where we (women) are creating imaginary scenarios and blowing things out of proportion?

No. Every one of your points is valid, but you've failed to mention one of the most important ones. Almost any mid-30s man dating a woman who isn't old enough to drink has issues. There's something wrong with him for dating that young, even if it's just that he's only interested in sex. 25 and 40, not necessarily, though the other points are still somewhat valid. I don't know a single man in his mid-30s who would date a woman who was a teenager less than a year ago, though.

Do I try to talk myself into liking younger guys? This is honestly the advice I don't want to hear and will be difficult to adapt to, but I guess it isn't impossible.

Well, lucky for you, the world isn't made up of 20-year-olds and dudes nearing 40. At 20, I'd suggest looking for mature 25-27 year old guys. That follows the half plus seven rule, which honestly seems to work across a life span. It's the idea that you need to be at least half his age plus seven or the difference is too great. If you still like the 35-40 group as you get older, it'll be more appropriate in your mid-twenties. Your points still stand, though, and I'm disappointed at the number of comments downplaying them. A lot of young women miss the longterm realities of dating older men. It's good that you're seeing them.

BizarreLoveTriangl01 · 2025-07-22T18:29:34+00:00

read the rest of the OP post. also people re marry, people date multiple times. so if you date a 40yo man now, there's no guarantee you'll be with him when you turn 40, 30, 20 etc. you might date him for a few years or 10, or 20 but as long as you don't lose your attractiveness or stay relatively attractive you can always date another person later. it's harder to date when a woman turns 30+ but then you have young men specifically looking to date older women so potentially never really losing all chances at LTR. my personal advice is don't limit yourself. date older. open to dating younger, and make sure to get that LTR before your options goes down to a sparce handful of suitors you aren't very into, and don't grow a rap sheet with things a long term partner may not want to see in a person they love. ppl will likely hate on me for saying this but I'm trying to help a sister out with sound advice.

Effective_Detail4268 · 2025-07-22T20:30:30+00:00

Been there done that any man that age that will date you has something wrong with them- they should have found someone to tolerate them and build a life with in that extra time.

Focus on finding someone around your age who is decent and has good virtues. Don’t focus on vanity as your beauty will fade either way and an older man who’s interested in younger women will creep on women your present age forever but you’ll age out

BizarreLoveTriangl01 · 2025-07-22T08:25:09+00:00

you have the right to date however older as long as it's your choice. your body your choice no one else should know

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-07-22T20:32:15+00:00

Everything comes with pluses and minuses.

have found myself fixating on older men (10-16 years older)

Good girl. This is typically what women say when they say they liked "older men" - that's usually 10-12 years older.

So with an age gap like this, living the last 20 years of my life without him should be expected.

That's likely, but there are no guarantees, though. A friend of mine drank himself into obesity and then liver failure. His wife - they were within a couple of years of each other - became a widow in her mid 50s, which nobody expected.

My dad, much to everyone's great surprise, outlived my mom (he'd had some health issues and women in her family usually lived about 10 years longer than she did.)

Is this one those times where we (women) are creating imaginary scenarios and blowing things out of proportion?

People tend to focus on the negative. As I said, pluses and minuses to everything. Betty White, when asked about her late husband Alan Ludden, said that the only thing she would do differently would have been to accept him a year earlier. About remarrying she said she had already had the best, and there was no need.

Do I try to talk myself into liking younger guys? This is honestly the advice I don't want to hear and will be difficult to adapt to, but I guess it isn't impossible.

You would be trading more of what you want for more time with less of what you want. If you marry a 35 year old at 25, you might well have a 50 year marriage. If you have kids (and grandchildren) you will have family during your widowhood, if it comes to that.

AutoModerator · 2025-07-22T03:24:22+00:00

Title: Age gap relationship

Author Impressive-Profit63

Full text: Hi,

I f20 am looking to get into an LTR and have found myself fixating on older men (10-16 years older) for two main reasons...

They're mature,confident, stable ( financially / emotionally ), respected more by their social circle, more competent, etc.
I fear getting older and my beauty fading. So with an age gap like this, I can maintain beauty and youth in his eyes for much longer.

The problem comes when I realize I'll likely be widowed and spend a lot of time at the end of my life without my man.

Women outlive men their age. So with an age gap like this, living the last 20 years of my life without him should be expected.

I'm not sure if I like the idea of getting with someone else when I'm 50-60. I imagine my bond with H is going to be so strong that I'm going to prefer loneliness over someone else being in their position.

Is this one those times where we (women) are creating imaginary scenarios and blowing things out of proportion?

Do I try to talk myself into liking younger guys? This is honestly the advice I don't want to hear and will be difficult to adapt to, but I guess it isn't impossible.

Any help or guidance is appreciated.

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Title	Age gap relationship
Author	Impressive-Profit63
Upvotes	4
Comments	32
Date	July 22, 2025 3:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1m63hpt/age_gap_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/age-gap-relationship.1557739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557739

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