Avoiding the princess trap

RPAlternate42 · 2015-06-01T22:51:10+00:00

The following tenets of Stoicism can help

If you are unhappy, it is your fault: do not blame his non-immediate text as making you unhappy; you are setting up an expectation through a covert contract that he cannot fulfill because he is not a party to it. Covert contracts, specifically those of a sexual nature, are the first things newly-RP men get rid of in their marriages. We are far happier for it.
Hedonism is not the path to happiness: Do not expect to find enjoyment in the constant shower of attention of others. Only you can provide your own enjoyment (and happiness therein.) Enjoy yourself and the company you select can be a lens for that enjoyment instead the company being the driving force for your enjoyment.
Maximize positive emotions and minimize negative emotions: selfishness is a negative emotion. It is rooted in the expectation of others to do what you should be doing. It leads to anger, resentment, distrust, and the like. One does not need to selfless with everyone, but a man who takes you out and spends time with you is sacrificing his time, energy, and resources to spend time with you. He invited you and you accepted; the "date" is his sacrifice for time with you. At the least, be grateful, be courteous, and leave on a high note. Be pleasant in your split with him and he will see you as a high-value woman with high morals.
Refuse to consider yourself the victim: The "Princess" attitude comes from a self-instilled sens of entitlement, but is reinforced by the idea that when nothing goes your way they have victimized you and you have been wronged by them. Seeing yourself as the victim makes everyone else the enemy and you will naturally feel yourself as superior to the enemy.
Have Negative Visualization: Imagine, routinely what would a date be like with the best guy in the world in the worst possible venue. Compare that to the worst guy in the world in the best possible venue. The first is better because the best man in the world can make any experience better but the worst guy would make any situation worse. The date is about the person... not the venue. Visualize the date without the venue and see if you can stand being there.
Live simply: Does a restaurant have to be 5-star? Does the club have to host the best DJs? Do you have to be picked up in a nice car? Does he have to wear the best clothes? When considering living simply, also remember to...
Resist materialism: inasmuch as the date is about the man you are with and not the venue... it is not about the whats either; what he has, what he gives, what he brings do not define him any more than they define you.

StingrayVC · 2015-06-01T22:06:15+00:00

Develop an attitude of gratitude. If you recognize and are grateful for what you have been given, then you won't develop this attitude. Look for even the smallest of things.

Maybe he didn't text you the next day (what you thought you deserved), but is there something else he did that you didn't notice because you were in this entitled place (something he thought to do)?

FleetingWish · 2015-06-01T23:05:44+00:00

You say you dumped your boyfriend because he didn't give much, while you were giving him everything. And now your personality has done a total 180 and you expect too much and give nothing back.

It sounds to me like you can't respect someone who gives you too much, which is why you were giving and caring to you ex, and not to any of these guys.

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-06-02T09:15:47+00:00

He doesn't text me first after our date? Boom, move on to the next. He didn't take me to a nice enough place? Nope, that's over. And so on.

I'm pretty sure what happens somewhere inside your head is you think "I was taken advantage of in my last relationship. I refuse to let that happen again. I'm going to protect myself this time." The problem is what you're doing is cutting off the relationship before there is even a chance of that happening. You're forcing yourself to stand on the edge of a cliff with this attitude. It's okay it happens. What you need to do is learn to talk yourself down.

He doesn't text me first after our date?

Instead of cutting off contact. Try sending him a text saying. "Thank you I had a really nice time." He might be waiting for a sign that you're interested. He took you on a date. He could think it's your move.

He didn't take me to a nice enough place?

He didn't spend $500 on a meal. Oh man that sucks. What are reasons that could be? Why should he invest that much money in me before he knows if I'm even a quality person? He shouldn't. Did I still have fun? Was he a gentleman? Was he attractive?

You need to learn to pull yourself back. You went from one extreme to the other out of fear. Learn to talk yourself through things in a rational way. It's incredibly useful. It may not be super easy at first, but it can be done.

Edit to add: Another thing I'm going to add is that depending on how long your last LTR is you may have tried to jump back in too quickly and still need time to recover and focus on yourself. It's okay if you do. Don't jump from one relationship to another. When you do you often bring problems into relationships that could be really healthy and successful, but damage them with past issues.

810809 · 2015-06-02T12:24:19+00:00

How can I change this mindset and be more open when it comes to men?

Wellll....

I believe I'm better equipped to judge if a man will be worth my efforts.

How about you try that, but also turn it around and ponder what you're doing do earn a good man? If you're falling into the classic sit on your little pillow until some cad "proves" himself to you with regular game and even some finely tuned beta-game (yes, there is such a thing and is a pretty effective tactic) I can guarantee it will be a long time until you find someone worthwhile.

frozen_strawberry · 2015-06-02T12:26:03+00:00

in what ways did you care for your ex and what made you feel under appreciated? a lot of times we over look the simpler things while we overvalue what we do.

sovexing · 2015-06-02T05:36:49+00:00

It is difficult not to bring past experiences with you forward into new relationships. Live and learn right?

When you find yourself feeling that princess attitude coming on, be more forgiving of the chap. He isn't your ex. Examine the emotion that prompts the reaction and identify where it is really coming from. If it's related to how you felt unappreciated in a precious relationship, perhaps some forgiveness is warranted. If it is directly related to something he did, or did not do, cues you've received both verbal and nonverbal, perhaps it's not a princess complex and this guy just isn't suited.

Title	Avoiding the princess trap
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	16
Date	June 1, 2015 9:45 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/384wca/avoiding_the_princess_trap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/avoiding-the-princess-trap.166291 https://theredarchive.com/post/166291

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The following tenets of Stoicism can help