Be better in bed?

Reasonable_Tie_132 · 2024-04-28T19:41:07+00:00

You are definitely over thinking it and that’s going to be a huge barrier for you ever enjoying sex. You need to be with someone you are truly comfortable with so all the anxiety eases and you can explore. There’s no one answer about what guys expect because everyone is different. And you need to be seeking out a sexual partner who’s likes are some what aligned with yours.

pinacoladathrowup · 2024-04-28T20:27:54+00:00

Relax and do what comes naturally. If you spend 90% of sex thinking about what you should be doing, it's going to be a bad experience for the both of you. Most should be pretty obvious:

Be sensual in your touch, moan when things feel good but not dramatically more softly. When you're pleasing him and he gives indication he's liking whatever you're doing/moaning, keep doing that. If dirty talk is hard for you, try words of encouragement, longing, and instruction. ("Right there," "you feel amazing," "just like that.")

Absolutely do not starfish. Men want to feel desired too, you need to show them that. Just be enthusiastic if all else fails.

vintagegirlgame · 2024-04-28T20:51:35+00:00

Are you talking about casual sex with men you’ve only talked with? This is not the forum for that kind of advice.

If you’re dating and ready to make the move to sex RPW generally promotes exclusivity and by this point you should be comfortable enough with the man to be a vulnerable sort of flirty that invites him to take the lead.

Low_Difference_5595 · 2024-04-28T20:11:10+00:00

It varies with different types of men since we are also visual and have different kinks, but you can kind of divide between the very dominant and less dominant if you want to make it very easy

The less dominant group will want more interaction from their partner, some form of leading is usually attractive to them as they wish to bring out some secret side of you

Then there’s the heavily dominant guys who just want you to whimper/moan while we go to town. Then after a long day come to our needs [full stomach, empty balls]

Obviously there’s more styles but I think this is one easy way to narrow it down

Edit: One thing all men love is positive feedback and praise. As long as it is genuine, if you like something, say it.

Just a simple: “I like that” will drive most men wild

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2024-04-29T08:55:07+00:00

You don't say whether you're in a relationship or not. It sounds like you're having casual/semicasual hook ups, where you can get the man interested in sex but then you don't know how to proceed.

If that's the case... I'm going to be honest with you.

"Getting the invite" as you put it is NOT difficult as a woman. Most (not all, but most) guys will be down for casual sex if you're reasonably attractive and pleasant. Some will be even if you're unattractive and unpleasant.

Experience is always the best teacher... but it's generally not a good idea to go hook up with multiple men in a row so you can get better at sex.

What makes sex good: feeling safe and comfortable with this person, desired, accepted, letting go of your insecurities, shutting your brain off for a few minutes, connection, getting to know each other's likes and dislikes over a long time. This kind of trust comes with experience with THAT person, not with casual sex.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2024-04-28T20:54:24+00:00

Most of being good in bed as a woman is just giving good bj’s. Listen to podcasts or watch a YT video and you’ll be fine.

Other than that most of actual sex is the on the man unless you like to be on top. How loud or quiet you should be is dependent on the specific man you’re with.

Sex is about pleasing the person you’re with, not as much about a standard blueprint of how to act. Ask your man what he likes, and if you’re comfortable with it, do that. And give good bj’s, that’s p much it.

ygfam · 2024-04-28T20:03:33+00:00

the biggest part is not to overthink and not to think about what u should say or do during it. the saying "analysis paralysis" is very true. i promise you almost everyone thought the same as you before their first time. it's the same with kissing. don't worry too much. also i think sex is much better without a plan

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-04-28T23:22:15+00:00

Am I over-thinking this? ~~Probably.~~ MASSIVELY

FTFY.

Allow me to serenade you:

If you're happy and you know it, overthink!"

If you're happy and you know it, give your brain a chance to blow it!"

If you're happy and you know it, overthink!"

Look do what comes naturally. If you still aren't sure, tell your partner, "I would like it if you took the lead."

Done/dusted. Simples.

wanderingdorathy · 2024-04-29T15:23:02+00:00

This was a fun read! Thank you!

I’m a couple various forms of neurodivergent and on bc that I think impacts my libido and I have had ALL of these thoughts at one time or another. And tbh if I’m tired and adhd is in full swing then I’m likely thinking a version on one of these things WHILE having sex. It’s not intentional- my mind just wanders uncontrollably.

IF you find the advice given so far helpful and reassuring then I think %100 do that. For most people just relaxing and not overthinking it and being yourself will do the trick.

If you find that advice frustrating here’s some thoughts from the neurodivergent “social situations will never be ‘natural’ for me” perspective.

1) You’re not talking a game you can’t back up. The game starts when you start talking. It starts as you get ready for your date and during dinner, through forplay, and the last couple of innings are actually in bed. Youre already playing most of the game. (Also this is a weird analogy because in baseball there’s only one winner and in sex everyone should be winning so don’t take the analogy apart too much).

2) words/ sounds- I think the first thing is to notice when you’re having sex if any words feel like they’re stuck in the back of your throat. Maybe you really want to say “oh, just like that” or “my leg doesn’t bend that way”. Anything that is a positive just say out loud. Or, if you can’t in that moment later in the shower or when you’re driving to work or something practice those words. Sounds or little words of affirmations are also pretty universally accepted as good feedback. If you work out or run you can practice saying some like “yes” or “oh” every couple of minutes. Because you’re working out you’ll get a feel for how it sounds when you’re out of breath and then in the moment you’re less likely to overthink it. Other words or sounds can vary. Be sure to answer questions if your partner asks “does that feel good” etc. this is for both of you and for safety. And respond affirmatively only if thing’s genuinely feel good- because they’ll remember and do it again in the future. “Does that feel good?” is actually a pretty good one to practice too. It can be a good pause in a BJ that gives you a second to recoup without breaking the flow

3) I also thought most men wanted to be dominant. I only dated men who asked me out first, I tended to go for more confident guys. I haven’t slept with a lot of people, but I was surprised at how each of them were just a little more timid in bed than I expected. I realized that a lot of the confidence I saw in real life was learned. They were confident in their skills and themselves because small successes overtime reassured them. Whereas even people who have had sex before aren’t going to feel really confident with a new partner right away. Some of that dominance takes a back seat while they take the perspective of a “learner”. Learning, observing, and asking questions has to come first before they’ll be comfortable just taking the lead.

So with that in mind, in the beginning you’ll probably want to show or tell what things you want to happen next. This goes back to point number one- you’re playing the game early. You’re wearing your cute outfit, you’ve got cute underwear on, you’re being flirty, you’re being sensual. If you want to have sex then you may need to do just a couple extra pieces like initiate longer kisses, place tentative hands on your waist or thigh, etc. Then during the act if they’re taking the lead and you like what’s going on then great. If they seem uncertain then moving a hand somewhere more suggestive or giving a couple of little affirmative sounds or gasps will give your partner the feedback that what they’re doing is good and then they’ll gain that confidence to keep it going and move forward

4) Make whatever routine you like. Assuming that you’re asking in red pill because you’re looking for a life partner and relatively low body count, the lead up doesn’t matter that much. They don’t care really. But, it will matter to you later. Whatever routine you start patterning will be a sign in the future to your partner that you’re thinking about jumping into bed with them. In a decade they’re going to see you getting ready for a date and know what the first inning looks like. I don’t drink that often but most of the time will have a glass of wine on a date. Once home, if I’m feeling a little fun i might have a second glass of wine. My partner learned that pattern and occasionally now when we arrive home together (not super frequent because we’re usually coming home after work separately) he has a routine of helping me get comfortable, hanging up my purse, sitting me on the couch and taking off my shoes if I’m wearing heels, letting the dog outside, and then asking if I want a glass of wine. We’ll sit together, have a drink, talk about our day and reconnect. After the glass is over I’ll typically get up to prep for the next work day or get ready for bed. But, if I ever suggest a second glass of he knows exactly what that means for the rest of our evening. Obviously sex doesn’t have to be planned like this and we don’t follow this pattern every single time. But whatever lead up that you pick will start to become a pattern so I really would encourage you to do something that feels fun and natural- if that’s playful and teasing then do that. But if playful and teasing feels fake and not something you’d want to do long term then don’t commit to it now and let your partner learn that’s how you show you’re in the mood and then you never do it again

AutoModerator · 2024-04-28T19:21:36+00:00

Title: Be better in bed?

Author Gullible-Baker-9818

Full text: My biggest weakness right now is sex. The actual act. I can be sensual, I can chat and get the invite, but as soon as we’re getting started, I freeze. From a guys POV, I talk a big game that I can’t back up.

I know experience is always the best teacher, but I have so many basic questions that get me hung up. They say don’t be quiet but what should I be saying? Is it dirty talk, is it sounds of affirmation? Words of affirmation? Should it be light and banter-ish?

Do I take the lead? I figure most men want to dominate, so I take a back seat. Is that boring? I could speak up to what I like and steer them away from the things I don’t, but what’s being lazy vs “participating”?

Should it be long and drawn out teasing? Like should the conversation leading up be overtly sexual and egg’d on? Who should make the first move?

Am I over-thinking this? Probably. But I like to have a plan, a basic/general idea of step 1, 2, and so forth. I think that’s what hangs me up so much - the not knowing what should/could/would come next. How do I get a better idea what guys might expect from me?

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EstablishmentFunny42 · 2024-04-29T00:36:13+00:00

Look i can offer you some advice on this even though it’s just my experience and i’m not an expert.

With every person sex is different and sex won’t always be the most amazing thing ever nor does it have to be. Sex is great when you learn to enjoy it and also by choosing a good partner, who you can trust to tell things directly like they are (for having sex with someone, communication is even more important, because of boundaries)

The experiences will become better for you if you dive into the energy world, where shame and expectations aren’t a thing. It’s all about living in the moment and making the best out of it for both of you.

Imagine thinking about sex stuff one day, you are completely turned on but when you meet/ come home the energy frequencies can be felt and they are low/ lower. You maybe judge your partner for not making it a passionate experience themselves. But imagine your partner could also be feeling this or another way and it’s making both of you overthink, even doubt your connection or judge yourself, put off sex…. it really sucks. That’s why this part is so important, when you find yourself affected by some small intrusive thoughts during sex or you find your reasons to not enjoy or even start it, that are connected to self-depreciation or fear or shame or stress whatever its bothering you, you have to ACKGNOWLEDGE these thoughts when they’re present, so literally taking a step back and realizing, “okay i’m being in my head”, and then sort them into drawers (what is causing them?).

When it’s sorted and you realize the problem comes from within you (like i’ve said fear or a type of shame or general overthinking) you can act on it by being MINDFUL.

Think about the sensations you are feeling during sex, right now in this moment. If it’s good, relax and enjoy, but if it isn’t just right, think about the sensations you could be feeling and really you’d do anything to feel it. Maybe you can tell him gently, move your body with his, suggest a kiss on the neck… This is talking from my head right now. You have to remind yourself to physically relax if you feel tense. Also some love it when you touch yourself during. or rub his back or something gently to get the energy flowing. During sex you wanna remember to touch/kiss his neck, shoulder, body-whatever it will make you feel good and sexy. Handjobs you can avoid but you can be gentle in just touching him. Focus only on all the sensations. From feeling to seeing to smelling and you will start to get this passion within yourself.

Relaxing during sex in a way that you best relax, doesn’t make you selfish in bed nor is it shameful.

Be mindful, enjoy your partners scent and communicate non-verbally, so they know you are enjoying. They are going to be crazy about you because making someone else feel good, is so hot and you are both doing that. They’ll be attracted to you forever.

You can’t just use some shortcuts like listening to google advice, to make someone like you, or make you good at sex. You have to actually feel it because the energy is always flowing.

MysiaPysia666 · 2024-04-29T06:09:11+00:00

Hate to say it, but the only way is to stop planning/overthinking, relax and start doing stuff (whatever you want, really, men are just into women patricipating enthusiastically).

You might want to talk to a professional about it, because maybe you've got some mental block inside of your mind, which can be caused by many different issues.

flower_power_g1rl · 2024-04-29T08:52:10+00:00

By planning much, you are taking the lead, although you are not aware of it. If you truly trust the man you are sleeping with, you won't need to know what's next. It's okay to be adamant on planning ahead several aspects of your life, but sex is the one thing men would want you to truly go with the flow with. That means that, in most cases, you make yourself attractive but otherwise wait for them to initiate. At every stage including the initiation, be sure to give feedback on whether what he does feels good to you or not. According to your desires, verbally ask him to slow down or pick up the pace. You give feedback and he will make it happen. It's very nice when the initiation starts from cuddling or something sweet and romantic, and the pace comes on slowly. Don't watch porn.

wildwomb_joss · 2024-04-29T13:40:09+00:00

Hi, I’m a yoga therapist specializing in women’s wellness. It’s really more about you loving your body and prioritizing your pleasure vs thinking about what anyone expects of you. Once you’re connected to your body and sexual rhythm… it will become extremely natural. I have full classes on my YouTube for tapping into sexual energy and also a free guide to feel more confident and sexy in bed… if it’s of interest just lmk and I can send you the links! 🔥

dkdc80 · 2024-04-28T20:08:36+00:00

I can give u free lessons if you wish. Just out of goodwill :)

Admirable-Ratio-5748 · 2024-04-29T01:52:52+00:00

let the man take control and just enjoy it. god I have so much to say but I would get banned for saying it

Title	Be better in bed?
Author	Gullible-Baker-9818
Upvotes	22
Comments	21
Date	April 28, 2024 7:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cfekmj/be_better_in_bed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/be-better-in-bed.1516728 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516728

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