Catholic, dating an atheist.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-04-21T15:35:42+00:00

You claim your differing beliefs aren't an issue, yet you're also requiring he wait until marriage to have sex, despite your already having a child. This is pretty contradictory and I'm unsurprised he has such an issue with your faith. A Catholic who is so Catholic they want to wait until marriage to have sex has vastly different views from an atheist. You two are very young and have only scratched the surface of the potential issues of being unequally yoked.

If you wish to stay in communion with the Church, there's a clear bare minimum. If you marry, you'll have to at least have your marriage convalidated by the Church to be considered legitimate. Your boyfriend would have to agree to raise Catholic children and baptize them in the Church. You would have to attend Mass weekly and confession at least once a year, all alone. There are other stipulations as well, such as having to forgo birth control and any sex act that ends in ejaculation without the possibility of conception. Not all Catholics live up to these expectations, obviously. I'll admit that I don't... but it's one thing to fail because of your own weakness and another to fail because your spouse refuses to abide by the rules of the faith. They're a big ask for the devout, so for an atheist? They sound ridiculous.

You don't want to hear this, but I think your boyfriend has the right of this. If you were a lackadaisical Catholic and didn't particularly care about following your faith, you would be in a different position. From what you've written, however, you're fairly devout. He is drawing you into sin by the Church's teachings and you're going willingly. It's actually very considerate of him to worry about compromising your beliefs. You have so much time to find someone who shares your faith. You should take it.

Puzzleheaded_Back255 · 2023-04-21T19:13:06+00:00

Compromises in human relationships are necessary. Compromises in your relationship with God are gravely sinful. I would greatly caution you against using this relationship to break your promises to God. Nothing good can come of that.

You are young enough to have plenty of time to find someone who will share your values and accept you and your past. Do not endanger the rest of your earthly or eternal life.

Astroviridae · 2023-04-21T14:35:39+00:00

Here's what I think strictly from a tradcath perspective.

The Church permits marriage to atheists and people of other religions, but it's often discouraged due to uncompromising theological beliefs. However, it's possible to make it work with enough communication and understanding. Plenty of practicing Catholics marry atheists and go on to have happy, fruitful marriages.

It's a good sign that you're taking a mature, compromising stance, but he is correct in that facilitating sin is hurting you. You aren't having sex, but based on your wording you seem to be sinning with him in other ways. I would recommend to stop doing that and go to confession. Chastity while dating is extremely difficult and I hope this is a struggle the two of you will overcome.

Here's some questions to think about: is he willing to get married in the Church? Will he follow Catholic sexual ethics in marriage? Would you baptize your children and raise them in the faith or would you raise them atheist? Children will eventually notice the differing faiths and will ask questions.

Do not continue this relationship with the expectation that he will convert. If faith is deeply important to you, there will be many difficulties in the years ahead. It is a cross to bear, yes, but crosses bring fruit. Continue to pray for his faith and for his soul.

RubyWooToo · 2023-04-21T21:40:53+00:00

But that is something I am completely okay with, want and I see as a sort of compromise I'm happy to make as long as we can still keep our boundary of no sex before marriage

Your obligations to God come before any obligations you have to a human being, even a husband, let alone a boyfriend. There’s a reason to the order of the 10 Commandments. So I would say that this relationship is already putting your faith on trial.

SnooHedgehogs7759 · 2023-04-21T19:35:15+00:00

Not a christian here, but still...I wanted to say stay with him. He seems to be very mature for 18 years old guy. And if you two are well, then just...keep it. He is willing to wait for you. He is even is worried about how you feel about doing things with him from your christian viewpoint...doesn't it mean, that he really loves and values you? Why should you discard him?

I guess he plan to marry you kind of soon as well. Maybe you two could discuss the timeline, about when you could get engaged and about when you plan to get married? This would give both of you some clarity and timeframe, when things you both wish for are going to happen. Or what other things need to happen before. (Maybe you have discussed it already).

I just read the other comments about catholic sex laws, well..do you really need to be a catholic? Can't you start being a protestant for example?

I'm sorry if my views come off a bit rude, I don't mean to be at all. It's just how I see the situation, but of course I get it, that as a non-christian there are some things I lack understanding about and so I may be wrong. Of course I wish only the best for you both :)

AutoModerator · 2023-04-21T14:00:58+00:00

Title: Catholic, dating an atheist.

Full text: For context, I (f18) and my boyfriend (m18) have been dating for 6 months. We want to have a long term, serious relationship. From the beginning, we talked about religion being something that could complicate things and agreed that as long as we dont force the others beliefs it will be fine.

We haven't had sex, as its something we both want to hold off till marriage, but we've done other things, which by my religion I'm not supposed to do. But that is something I am completely okay with, want and I see as a sort of compromise I'm happy to make as long as we can still keep our boundary of no sex before marriage. (I have a child from a previous relationship) I don't know how to make him understand that he's exactly what I've been looking for, and I love him for who he is. He feels like he's not good enough because his standards are lower than mine, and would discourage/make it easier for me to sin. He told me I'm not seeing how he's hurting me, taking our intimacy as an example.

My past relationship, and talking stages were completely disorganized, toxic and even abusive. He has showed me what a healthy relationship can look like, but because of religion he feels like he's not good enough for me. Yet i see these as things that would happen anyways, and in any/every relationship I have, which is why I'm ok with and in fact want that sort of closeness with him. Although its true that if I found somebody of my own religion, who held those standards, it would make things easier. I think such temptations would happen anyways, and would end the same way, or even worse.

He thinks he's hurting me, which I don't believe it's the case here. And im afraid he will break things off, because he'd believe thats the best thing for me, when to me its not a big deal, and i planned from the start to compromise on it. Religion aside, he's my dream guy, from the way he treats me, to the type of person he is. I absolutely love him as he is.

What advice do you ladies have, to deal with the situation when we both want to make things work? Are any of you in a similar relationship? If so, how do you and your partner overcove this?

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CranberrySoftServe · 2023-04-23T17:06:49+00:00

From the beginning, we talked about religion being something that could complicate things and agreed that as long as we dont force the others beliefs it will be fine.

Glaring issue: I’m assuming you will want to raise your children with religion in their life, which would conflict with your above agreement of not “forcing the others beliefs”.

I would not continue. You will both be wasting time. This is a massive compatibility issue and will hurt you both. You’ve been dating for SIX MONTHS. Move on and find someone compatible within your religion.

renaisancen3rd · 2023-04-24T00:17:40+00:00

Your husband is going to be your leader spiritually and physically, you should find someone equally yoked.

Title	Catholic, dating an atheist.
Author	kikiwi707
Upvotes	3
Comments	17
Date	April 21, 2023 2:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/12u2oy9/catholic_dating_an_atheist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/catholic-dating-an-atheist.1215009 https://theredarchive.com/post/1215009

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