Codependency

JackGetsIt · 2017-08-30T12:54:54+00:00

True codependence can be a bad thing that needs addressed but you can address it in a redpillwomen way.

Exactly what negative behaviors is your husband exhibiting? Exactly what are you doing that makes your friends see you as co-dependent?

Lots of redpill relationships look co-dependent from women in a feminist bubble. Keep that in mind.

meh613 · 2017-08-30T07:54:36+00:00

I have always thought that branding a relationship by any third party is terribly presumptuous. If it works for you, who am I to label it as codependent or any other word I choose to use? But, hey I'm still single, so clearly, I'm not doing things entirely right.

mrpthrowa · 2017-08-30T09:22:18+00:00

Without knowing anything else, the first concept you need to familiarise yourself is the crab mentality.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

suddenlystevie · 2017-08-30T10:04:48+00:00

Hey, if you're bothered by the codependency then change it. You are more self-aware from this conversation, and self-awareness is often the hardest step to take. There is nothing wrong with trying new philosophies if what you're doing now is bothering you, or even if you're just curious to what else could work for you.

Being too reliant and co-dependent on one person can be dangerous, because you never know what's around the corner. If you feel like you want to be more independent, or see yourself identifying too much with co-dependent behaviors; change it.

girlwithabike · 2017-08-30T13:38:21+00:00

Can you give us an idea of what you think/they say is codependent? My mother tried a line of 'reasoning' for a while where she thought my husband was controlling me. I always fell for her critiques for about a week after we would talk. Then I'd shake it off and remember I have a man and a situation that makes me happy and that makes her unhappy (see the crab post - but it's even more wretched when it's your parent). Without specifics I'd say there are two likely possibilities: 1. There are codependent behaviors that need to be addressed or 2. You are seeing this from your friends side but they are making an incorrect diagnosis. Also what does your husband think?

--cunt · 2017-08-30T13:13:10+00:00

My therapist said I am codependent as well, and my fiancé agreed. I think it's less about the specific actions that you do than the thoughts behind them. If you want to do things for another person to make them happy bc you love them that's normal. If you do them bc you need their approval and validation to exist that's unhealthy. I struggle with the second sometimes. Probably isn't your friends place to judge though.

Pink_182 · 2017-08-30T15:39:27+00:00

So I had to google co-dependent vs interdependent becuse I wasn't sure of the difference. I'm going to post the definitions to be sure we are talking about the same thing.

Co-dependent: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.

Interdepenent: the dependence of two or more people or things on each other.

So yeah, in my opinion, how you came about thinking you may have a co-dependent relationship isn't as important as if you now believe you do. A lot of people are saying to just put it out of your head because your friends brought it up. However, I think if you believe the definition fits your relationship, you should not ignore it just because of where the enlightenment came from.

That definition of co-dependent doesn't sound healthy or sustainable to me. To me, it seems like you depend on your SO for everything while he doesn't need you for anything. I think you should work on bringing something to the arrangement as well as creating some of your own independence so that you aren't completely reliant on him for everything.

[deleted] · 2017-08-30T22:12:27+00:00

Happy people aren't concerned with other peoples' business.

Unless you called your friend at 3am screaming for help,she shouldn't even presume what you should or shouldn't do.

General rule of thumb,anytime someone is offering advice you didn't ask for= crab mentality.

lidlredridinghood · 2017-08-30T14:43:54+00:00

Yes.

For years i thought being codependent was automatically unhealthy. If it's functional and works for you, then its healthy.

So, im submissive. In the bedroom and in life. I wanted, for years to follow it, but my feminist culture told me being dependent on my partner was bad. It led to 10 years of hating murdered for being submissive, and functionally branch swinging..... because i wanted to be healthy by bp standards.... it was a horrible idea for me.

TheLaughingRhino · 2017-09-02T03:10:52+00:00

When people give you advice, look at their life. Look at their actions.

Do they behave with integrity? Are they good to their word? Do they treat everyone with courtesy? Do they lie about "little things"? What do they say about their past?

To me, their is direct advice and indirect advice. Direct is when you admire the person, you admire the way they live their life, you see them as a good solid person and you don't have doubts about their baseline character. If they are a solid stand up person, odds are their "advice" is coming from a good place, with good intentions ( it might or might not be good advice from a pragmatic level, but you don't have to worry about motive)

Indirect is when you like someone and spend some time with them, but their life or an aspect is one you personally think is a bit screwed up. She's a great loyal friend but she's with a guy who treats her like crap ( to your first hand observation) You learn from them by learning from their mistakes and avoiding the patterns they use and apply. It's like they are rubber duck testing for sharks in the water. Once a shark comes up, you think, well, I should swim elsewhere....

Are you happy with where your marriage is at? If so, just be happy. If not, then I think you might want to investigate the root cause of it.

AndyKane · 2017-09-02T09:30:21+00:00

I know this isn't lady like, mods please forgive me...but tell those bitter bitxhes to fuck off.

ElfFey · 2017-09-02T14:47:49+00:00

I am from a codependent family and I have codependent issues still sometimes in adult relationships. My understanding: Codependency usually exists where one person is addicted to drugs or alcohol; the other person is "co-dependent" on that person's addiction so they have something to care about. Once you understand that dynamic, you can see codependent issues even in relationships that don't have drug issues ("Oh we can't act that way, Dad will get upset." Dad is a rager and mom feels it's her responsibility to stop his rages.)

The conclusion I came to after lots of therapy is that every interdependent relationship has some codependent qualities. When it becomes a problem for you is when it's a problem. But you do have to be careful of lying to yourself as that's a symptom of codependency too.

So after reading your posts my opinion is you need a lot of support from your husband. Only you can say if one of you is codependent on the other.

BUT your friend is absolutely codependent. She's taken your relationship upon herself as something to worry about, a problem to solve. It's the exact same thing as getting with a drug addict and thinking you can "fix" him. She thinks she can fix your life or relationship when it isn't any of her business. I think you did the right thing by listening to her but then setting boundaries and ending the conversation.

GimmeKittens · 2017-08-30T16:59:39+00:00

If both you and your partner are happy with your arrangement then I see no problem.

Codependence comes with a lot of suffering. You feel like you can't live without your partner and them are suffocated by your constant fear of them leaving. If you are not suffering because of how your relationship is then keep going at it. If you do, then change it.

Title	Codependency
Author	greenjadenecklace
Upvotes	16
Comments	28
Date	August 30, 2017 7:34 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6wxlf7/codependency/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/codependency.73360 https://theredarchive.com/post/73360

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