Considering other options?

shayzelala · 2018-11-24T15:10:35+00:00

Wife of a doctor here. Not sure why you think they are the kind of guy you wouldn’t have to worry about. Having also worked in the hospital, on the floor, I’ve witnessed many women throwing themselves at/having affairs with married doctors... who might not even be physically attractive. The title increases their attractiveness significantly.

I don’t worry about my husband straying because I’m pretty secure in our relationship (for many reasons... he’s attractive but so am I, we have a pretty vibrant sex life, we have a great little family, I’m not insecure or needy, he’s never demonstrated an interest in women outside of myself...).

But marrying a doctor comes with MANY downsides. I went through his residency being the primary income earner WHILE taking care of our first two kids almost alone while he worked long long hours. MANY of his peers who had married at this time also divorced before residency was finished. Then in the first four years of life after residency came the “proving himself” period where he was constantly working longer hours and basically still treated as a resident. NOW, ten years into our marriage, he’s making the money he expected to earn, and his hours are pretty good. But he’s still on call every third night and I have to wing many days and evenings on my own. And he’s at a less busy hospital to increase our family time together.

We can afford a handyman now but if the drains needed unclogging or an electric wire needed fixing or the lawn needed to be mowed... guess who had to do it? Me. Not because he wouldn’t but because he physically didn’t have the time.

Soooo... I guess it’s a different lifestyle. I don’t even still really have a man who is a captain in the way I would want because he expects me to make lots of major decisions because he’s mentally too tired.

... and I’ll end this with... marriage involving doctors have higher divorce rates. And I’ve seen the physical proof as to why while I still worked on the floor. Hope this helps!

shelovesramen · 2018-11-24T05:23:06+00:00

I hear ya - insecurity sucks - but do you really think holding down a doctor is really going to be easier than your man? Who cares if your dude is good looking - the competition really surfaces when money and status are involved. I think this is hypergamey in disguise - own your business, woman up and stop treating men like an escape plan from being a flipping adult.

merel-- · 2018-11-24T14:57:49+00:00

In contrast, my man "attracts too many women" and would be someone "I would always feel insecure with."

Dating someone who attracts a lot of girls doesn't mean you have to be insecure. I dated guys that were flirted with a lot but I knew they are loyal guys, they wouldn't leave me for the next new thing. It's more important to pick someone loyal than someone who doesn't have a lot of options. If he suddenly has a lot of options then he might turn out to not be the loyal type.

Not feeling secure in a relationship is a HUGE red flag, trust your intuition.

Edit: I wouldn't jump to the dr. either. He seems like he is only a safe choice for you, you must also find someone very very attractive for it to work out.

UnbreakableFrame · 2018-11-24T05:29:27+00:00

You just wrote a textbook example of hypergamy.

From Guy A

Guy A: More attractive, good for a short-term relationship, girls love him, exciting, but not entirely stable, concerns Mom because his financial future and commitment to you are somewhat questionable.

Transition to Guy B

Guy B: Better provider, is already showing a willingness to be exclusive with you, even on a first date, has Mom's approval, doesn't come off as having a load of options, despite having a great job. Will likely offer stability and loyalty long-term.

The important question from an RP perspective is this: are you actually sexually attracted to Guy B? If not, avoid at all costs. You will not only slowly become miserable and resentful, but you will totally sexually short-change him and make him miserable as well.

LawyerInTheMaking · 2018-11-24T05:49:10+00:00

maybe im extrapolating too much into it but comparing how you described your current man in your op vs described about doctor guy, to me it seems that you are genuinely attracted to your current but would have to talk yourself into liking doctor guy.

genuine desire cannot be negotiated. my recommendation to you is that you learn to deal with your insecurities and forget doctor guy. let him find someone else thats genuinely attracted to him

AnarchoNAP · 2018-11-24T17:56:17+00:00

You’re mixing two separate issues. One issue is whether you should stay with current guy. This is independent of whether you should pursue a relationship with the new guy. I’m not saying become poly; I’m saying don’t stay with the current guy just because the new guy isn’t for you.

Why is this doctor willing to go out with a woman who is currently in a relationship? Or did your mom and you leave out that this date was an exercise in cheating?

(I read the linked thread, but I didn’t go through and read all the comments.) You need to evaluate your current relationship. Are your concerns about him cheating founded or are they your own insecurity? Is this guy good husband material? Why do you disrespect him and can that be fixed?

You also need to work on your own emotional health as either you are with a guy who doesn’t value you or you have insecurity issues.

After you have done that and if doing that leaves you single then you can evaluate the next potential partner on his own merits.

eatavacado · 2018-11-24T08:29:44+00:00

What I think about when I hear dr. Husband:

Busy and crazy work hours. Depends on the kind of dr, but people in the medical field typically spend most of their time there. Idk if that’s what you want, if that’d be an issue, or if that’d be the situation in the first place. Maybe not. But if I had the choice of being with someone who had solid daily hours of time with me vs someone who had a flimsy and demanding schedule before me, I’d choose the daily stable. Maybe daily stable isn’t what the current guy is able to offer either though.

Zegiknie · 2018-11-24T13:24:02+00:00

Your man sounds not so very committed. Neither do you, going out with someone else...

You want commitment? Dr. is the committing type. You want passion? Does dr. make you feel it? You want... what, exactly? Figure that out, and then go and get it and be happy.

gertbag2 · 2018-11-24T09:26:20+00:00

So you went out on a date with a doctor while still with your current?

And you’re worried he’s slipping ?

Hamster, Not red P

(Edit spelling)

drunk_fish1 · 2018-11-24T10:56:01+00:00

Sexual attraction is so, so important. Why is a Dr selling himself to you? He shouldn't have to, is he unattractive? If you're not sexually attracted to him, you will not be able to keep him, you won't be able to satisfy him and you'll either leave him for someone sexier or he'll cheat with someone more enthusiastic x

Title	Considering other options?
Author	fuschia-amaryllis
Upvotes	13
Comments	11
Date	November 24, 2018 4:41 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9zvjnf/considering_other_options/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/considering-other-options.75374 https://theredarchive.com/post/75374

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