Does He Actually Like Me?

TheLaughingRhino · 2016-10-28T03:46:30+00:00

There are likely too many variables at play here.

Some men are just generally kind people, if they are kind to everyone, and they are kind to you ( I use "kind" instead of "nice", as I think using nice can really start to tilt the perception of men and women interact) , then I can see the level of confusion increasing.

Some men are shameless flirts and will flirt with everyone and this is the base method of behavior.

Sometimes the women in this question start to assign attraction indicators to men they find attractive, when the interaction might be relatively mundane.

Guy sees you struggling with a heavy bag, he offers to carry it for you, you are attracted to him and have been for a while, so his action denotes a plus in your book that he likes, when he could just be someone with gentlemanly ways ( not so common these days sadly)

If your general interaction with men is limited ( possibly age i.e. youth or life experience could be at play, or other circumstances) , the only way to get better at reading men around you is to interact with them.

My advice? Just simply the conversation element. Go up to them, say you are interested in them, and ask them if they want to have coffee with you if they are single.

Some men will be brutal. That is a very small minority and personally I think it sucks. As it does nothing to help everyone else in general.

But I'd wager 95 percent of men, if they are interested, would be pretty happy, or if not interested, would try to be very diplomatic and gentle in explaining their lack of interest. Most men have faced a ton of rejection, and its not fun and I think there would real understanding from many that it would be hard to approach someone and ask. It's hard for men who approach women a lot, no matter what they say. It never gets easy.

The benefit for you? You don't have to wonder, you'll know. You'll know right away and if they aren't, you can move on.

As a sidenote, I used to work with a guy, he was a tough guy to be around, great results but he was just a really difficult person. His secretary often had to be an extension of him and she baked home made chocolate chip cookies, made little packages, and gave them to people at work. It was very disarming, esp to the men. Men loved baked goods. Esp if they are home made. It was basic social engineering. She was making her job easier by appealing to their base instincts.

If you gave a guy some freshly made home made chocolate chip cookie on approach, I would think most of them would have coffee with you from the shock and awe factor alone. Esp if you don't know them well. I realize some people would advise that this is too much too soon, but consider your audience. Yes, the top 10 percent of guys get stuff and attention, but the majority of guys are usually the ones who do a lot of doing in the courtship process.

What do you want? My guess is the opportunity to get to know someone you attracted to and to get them to give you an opportunity. If it's not happening organically, then push the gas pedal to the floor.

I'm a huge believer that most women, if they work on themselves and put in an effort and operate in contrast to most other women around them, they can clean house with men they find attractive ( Not end results, but simply opportunity to get to know people and see if that context goes somewhere)

I wish there was a firmer answer to your general question, the only true way is to approach and ask if he's not approaching and asking you.

I wish you the best of luck.

Kara_El · 2016-10-28T04:05:05+00:00

I was never very good at recognizing this sort of thing. I was chubby in high school and frumpy and overweight after my divorce. I kind of went through a 23 year awkward phase and entering the dating world was terrifying. I'd honestly recommend online dating if you're seeking an LTR. You can look for guys who want the same things you want and simultaneously know for certain that no one's meeting you for friendship. They want a relationship and if they continue contact after a first date, it's because they like you. There's no confusion.

plein_old · 2016-10-28T02:38:16+00:00

If this is a serious question, you partly have to become sensitive to the qualities of the men in particular that you are wondering about.

A guy who is terrified of commitment or intimacy, and is constantly seeking distraction and an escape from boredom - if he flirts with a woman, it means one thing.

Another guy who is religious and is saving himself for marriage, if he invites you to coffee and asks you to meet his parents... that means something else.

A third guy who secretly hates women and wants to punish them, because he was hurt by one once - he flirts because he has yet other motivations, which are very different from the first two guys.

There could be a fourth guy who hates himself and feels that if he can just get laid with enough women, it will fill the void inside himself. When he flirts with a woman, he has yet other motivations, which perhaps partly overlap with 1-2 of the other guys already mentioned.

You could have a fifth guy who honestly doesn't know what he wants, and just moves from one source of stimulus to another. Like an infant crawling toward shiny objects. His motivations are slightly different still.

I dunno, I'm getting carried away here. But maybe you get my point.

Why don't you make a list of what kinds of qualities YOU want in a man? Yes? That way you're not just waiting around for whoever comes along first, or whatever.

[deleted] · 2016-11-01T00:52:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cl3ophatra · 2016-10-28T10:20:15+00:00

There are so many variables. Like where do you live? Is he a colleague? What sort of work environment is it? You can PM me if you like.

But generally speaking, I think that for the average male who is available and interested, he will let you know subtly or not. The type of man who does really like you but is too shy to even hint at it, is probably not going to be the type of guy you want if you're using this subreddit. I really think we need more info. I know it can be confusing but for me I generally ask myself whether he would act like that in front of a hypothetical girlfriend/wife he had. If the answer is no, he's interested on at least at a physical level. You also have to define what you mean by interested. Many guys will be interested in a woman sexually but are not seeking commitment, for example which I think is where you're having a hard time differentiating. I used to have this issue when I was younger, too and would be "surprised" when a guy I thought was gay or like a brother (or I treated as such, anyway) would make a move. But I grew up and it's clear as day to me now usually from the very start.

Anyway like I said, we need more info and feel free to PM me if you would like :) good luck.

Title	Does He Actually Like Me?
Author	daezy357
Upvotes	20
Comments	13
Date	October 28, 2016 2:01 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/59rzrg/does_he_actually_like_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/does-he-actually-like-me.86592 https://theredarchive.com/post/86592

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