Guy doesn’t text first or make plans, but will respond to my texts and meet up if I make the plans and ask him out. Do I drop this?

Mariamah · 2019-11-10T05:45:22+00:00

Actions speak louder than words, so it really doesn’t matter if he says he likes you. A man who wants to spend time with you wouldn’t make you do all (or even most of) the work to make it happen. The only way to truly gauge a man’s interest is to continue living your life and see if he’s willing to put in the effort to see you. Ie: planning actual dates, ahead of time, calling and texting you, investing time and energy. It sounds like he doesn’t want to put energy into a relationship. Don’t fall into the trap that most young women do, like being available to hang out at the drop of a hat any time he is free, initiating contact and making yourself so available. And definitely don’t sleep with him until there is commitment (stop if you have already). This behavior only demonstrates that you believe you have little to offer, because you are willing to put up with being treated so badly. He will treat you in kind.

Keep doing your hobbies or find new ones, study, keep seeing friends, and improving yourself. You deserve better!

szsunshine · 2019-11-10T12:47:14+00:00

“If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused” - which category do you fall into?

If he were interested, he would be with you, would be initiating contact, would be planning dates.

Move on.

SunshinePrincess_ · 2019-11-11T00:50:02+00:00

Take a major step back girly! No matter how confusing it is and how happy you feel when he does seem interested - take a step back. If I were you: no more contacting first. If he wants to talk to you, he will. If he wants to see you, he will. With anything with guys especially.... the best rule is just to remind yourself “if he wants to, he will. If he doesn’t, he won’t”. “Do yourself a favor and start taking mixed signals as a “No’!” Guys will go above and beyond when they know what they want. If he is being confusing and does actually like you, then he’s playing games on one level or another and is immature —> move on. If he isn’t making it clear that he wants to be with you, then he doesn’t or at least not badly enough. Don’t waste anymore time or energy thinking about him - if he is acting like you say he is, he’s probably not thinking about you. I know that comes harshly but the sooner you can accept those things the closer you are to finding the people who are right for you. Focus on you!! Think about when he, or anyone else, was initially attracted or showing interest in you. Had you been obsessing about them? Thinking about them? Worrying? Orchestrating your life around them? Probably not!! What makes you most attractive is being boldly yourself & making yourself the priority.

Remind yourself: “I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.” If he is being confusing, okay cool! You know where he stands! Which means THAT much less time can be wasted on somebody who is not right for you. Girl, let the trash take itself out!!! <3 keep it moving my love

Meglomaniac · 2019-11-10T10:59:03+00:00

One of the hardest lessons from the red pill is that you cant negotiate attraction.

You’ve know this guy for a couple of weeks now, you’re not playing your role.

Stop messaging him, only go responsive, and if you see him in person and he hasn’t msged yet; be open and friendly but a bit more standoffish.

The man needs to chase and if you’re chasing him, there is no challenge to a high value guy.

doingitg · 2019-11-10T08:40:28+00:00

The guy probably is on his purpouse, working his ass off. When a guy is working towards his goals, he won't spend time trying to chat you up, because even if he has 5 minutes to text you, he'll have to drop the conversation, which would be even worse for you. If the guy shows he likes you offline and things are going good, try to be a bit more patient.

ppreetgill · 2019-11-10T14:27:26+00:00

Have some patience. Women fall in love faster than men, for a man to love you, you kinda sorta have to grow on him. You do that by doing exactly what you are, you can’t really negotiate attraction. It will take some time for a guy to actually start craving your presence, usually takes about 2-3 months. Don’t hate me for saying this but, a woman, or even people in general feels more attracted to partners they can’t have, if she can have him at her will she won’t crave him like you are craving his presence right now. This guy is doing the right thing. If he doesn’t start to do those things you want to in the next 3-4 weeks I’d say drop him then. If he really feels the chemistry, he’ll be doing those things. Otherwise drop him. 4-5 weeks is just too early to tell, for him and yourself too.

Just be patient with him for now.

caitlin_121 · 2019-11-13T16:31:45+00:00

I think that if a guy is interested he will be making moves. I actually tested this on someone I was interested in on a dating app. My suspision was confirmed when I created a fake profile with pictures of a girl I think would be his type (based on what his mother and older sister looks like). Lo and behold, he did ask her more questions and would initiate messages even the next day (he never did for me). So, the whole he's not into texting, only known each other for a short period etc. is b.s.. You are someone he doesn't mind being around. He might enjoy your company, but not someone he has enough actual romantic interest in. If you don't want your feelings to get hurt down the line, I think dropping this should be the better option imo. Also, see what he does if you stop contacting. If he doesn't contact you, you just have another clearer answer.

oatenbiscuits · 2019-11-10T15:23:24+00:00

Loads of people can’t be arsed with text conversations and get all their social needs met irl, although many people need text conversations to feel connected

janeaustenfan99 · 2019-11-10T21:50:27+00:00

I think if you’re this frustrated and unhappy early on then it is a bad sign. Perhaps the two of you have different communication styles which are incompatible and you need a man who pursues you, so it will not work.

As an aside, in my experience dating men I found that if he wasn’t messaging me or initiating it was because he was preoccupied and already doing this with someone else.

turquoise_seas · 2019-11-10T04:03:57+00:00

Drop him

[deleted] · 2019-11-10T15:43:26+00:00

If you're feeling tired of this dynamic, that's all that matters. This is not working for you. Stop contacting him. If he texts you, fine.

I dated a guy like this years ago. He was always happy to see me and we had a great time together, but I was always the one to initiate contact. For him, it meant he wasn't really invested in the relationship. In a way, it worked for me too because I wasn't really ready for a true relationship.

When I met my now-husband, I really hung back and let him initiate contact. I mean, I let him see that I liked him, it wouldve been impossible to hide that, but I just needed to know that he was into me enough to make an effort.

atticxsalt · 2019-11-14T18:17:52+00:00

Hard yes. It doesn't mean you can't initiative every now and then, but at the start of a relationship, 100%. I literally had 500 guys I could have gone a date with that night and 500 things I'd also like to do. The dating market is skewed for women and I understand how tiring that is for men but also sucks to suck, I don't want the man who thinks he's a victim and that should lower the bar for him.

As soon as I stopped doing this, I met my SO. Funny enough, he stopped messaging me after the first day we were talking and I had to "double text" him a few days later but then the ball started rolling from there. He had just gotten back into dating and was rusty and now we joke about that.

It's good to have strong boundaries for yourself to attract the kind of person you want, but also channel your femininity and exercise compassion as well.

Wednesday_best_day · 2019-11-22T19:57:54+00:00

Honestly you just described my ex perfectly. Barely used his phone (for anyone, not just me) but the chemistry in person was incredible. I clung to that, since when we were apart that I felt as though I might as well be single. He was emotionally unavailable to top it off; we only lasted as long as we did because his best friend would reassure me that he did have feelings for me, even if my ex couldn’t say that himself. Ironically, he clearly never DID feel any of that because he broke up with me out of nowhere. In our entire relationship he had never said he loved me, and made sure to remind me of that when we broke up. It never mattered what his friend thought.

My advice to you is to recognize that people don’t change unless they really want to. And you can’t supply all the love in the relationship for the both of you- it drained me so much to put all that unreciprocated effort in. I tried to be understanding and show him how I wanted to be treated, making every excuse for him there is. I kept lowering and lowering my standards, because I was so scared that he would never meet them and then I’d finally have to face the music. You can’t love them into loving you back.

I sincerely hope you come to a solution that makes you happy, and that if he does care he wakes the heck up and proves it to you. I wouldn’t wish this heartache on anybody lol. I’m on this sub so I never end up here again, and I hope you don’t either.

FightDragonGetGold · 2019-11-10T12:15:44+00:00

A lot of guys are taught that you can get women interested in you more if you act indifferent and ignore them a little. I never figured out if it's good advice or not but it's what guys think works. It's possible he is doing that with you.

With future guys, I would make your expectations clear. " Ok, I will give you my number but you better not expect me to initiate conversations and make plans. Be a man or else don't bother calling me".

Yepperonie · 2019-11-10T23:09:30+00:00

He probably just doesn't enjoy texting, tbh he probably just sees it as an inconvenience.

Title	Guy doesn’t text first or make plans, but will respond to my texts and meet up if I make the plans and ask him out. Do I drop this?
Author	SupremeWaifu69
Upvotes	21
Comments	27
Date	November 10, 2019 4:01 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/du6m3n/guy_doesnt_text_first_or_make_plans_but_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/guy-doesnt-text-first-or-make-plans-but-will.294664 https://theredarchive.com/post/294664

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