Excited for my first post. I'm hoping for some much needed advice and experience from you lovely women (and men too, that would be great).

I'm (f34) dating a great guy(m35). Been acquaintances for years, dated three months. Quite conservative, so not physically intimate yet. We both have very minimal dating experience: Yes, it's weird, but just how it is (bad childhood etc). Both of us have gone through our lives witnessing really bad relationships... so neither have dared to take that chance until we meet a person who's willing to work on themselves when needed, and who will put in the amount of work a good relationship needs. So that's a good thing to have in common. He likes me and sees this as a potential for marriage down the road, and I could easily see myself having a good family life with him.

We've had funny conversations about our dating: -"Do you know how we're supposed to do this?" -"I don't know. What are the dating stages and how long do we stay in each one?" -"No idea, maybe we should ask someone?" lol

---> The main thing is: He doesn't quite seem "settled" as a man yet. It's tricky to put into words, but I don't see him carry himself with much pride or confidence when he's out and about. There are also some traits I associate much more with being a boy than a man. Honestly that really stops some of the attraction I could have for him.

He's calm and even in his temperament (unlike me), and not at all competitive (also unlike me), so I'm definitely not expecting him to become a different personality type like super masculine and outgoing. I know I'm definitely not very feminine (working on it). I just feel a certain level of confidence and assertiveness as a man is important, no matter the personality.

--- After getting to know his family and dating background, I suspect the women in his life so far haven't properly treated him like a grown man before.

He's doesn't have group of only male friends to hang out with, and have never been very social outside of church and work. I'm thinking that if he's never been treated like a man or "taught" how, there might be potential there?

This is not about me wanting to change him(!), become his therapist, or his mother. If this is just what he's like, that's okay. I'll just have to find out how attracted I am to him like he is now.  -But if there is a possibility of him "finding himself more" by me treating him better, then I'd consider it worth the effort. I've seen a few men really grow up when they first entered a serious relationship

I'm pro honesty, but I doubt I should tell him I don't yet see him as a fully mature and confident grown man...

---> So, where does a man's confidence come from, and which parts of it can/can't be encouraged by me?

---> How do I treat him like grown man and how to encourage/discourage certain behaviours?

I welcome any input to my confused brain!