Help! SO and I work together

katiemonster · 2015-06-12T23:19:19+00:00

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should go around hugging other men against your fiance's wishes, but...if this guy is so threatened by a gay man hugging you that he yells about it and angrily avoids you, I feel like you may have a larger problem going on here.

TheBippoloSeed · 2015-06-13T14:33:38+00:00

I'm surprised by the lack of constructive feedback you've gotten here on how to talk to your boyfriend and manager, so I wanted to provide some suggestions.

You can be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him how you knew he was uncomfortable and that you knew you needed to deal with the hugging but that you were scared and unsure about how to best approach your manager without impacting your jobs. And, most importantly, tell him (your boyfriend) that he is the more important person to you and that you want to fix this...and then comes fixing it...

My suggestion to deal with the hugging is, first, take on being responsible, that is, it's not your boyfriend putting you in this situation, you are in it, because your relationship is important to you--it's you who wants it to stop the hugging. This will just make things go more smoothly in your interactions (with manager and boyfriend) in sort of a zen way, I guess.

Next, in my experience, you should be able to use body language to communicate to your manager by keeping some physical distance, if you're not already doing so. I'm talking arms length distance and facing slight away from him (not standing across the room necessarily).

Non-verbal communication is powerful and less risky. If needed, you can pull your manager's arm off of you and replace it with a big smile and a hand shake, which would say, I don't want to hug but I am happy and shaking hands is a good replacement.

If tactics like that don't work, you will need to use words, but you can use use gentle words such as, "thank you for the hug, but I don't want others to feel uncomfortable, how about we shake hands instead" and then resort back to non-verbal comms by smiling and continuing work with your boss.

In your conversation with your boyfriend when you discuss your commitment to stop the hugging, you could also share your thoughts on how you plan to stop it, and even ask your boyfriend if he has any other ideas. That may make him feel your sincerity even more and like you're on his team while dealing with this and not on anyone elses.

I hope that helps. I can see how much your boyfriend means to you but also know how hard communication can be.

Camille11325 · 2015-06-13T00:26:02+00:00

Are you hesitant to bring this up because you're worried about hurting this man's feelings? If so, why are his emotions and dignity more important in your mind than your fiance's? Is it more that you want to avoid an uncomfortable situation? By waiting so long to have this conversation, you've indicated to your fiance that you don't respect his desires enough to actually honour them.

You need to tell your manager to stop hugging you (you should have done at the earliest opportunity after your fiance let you know that he had an issue with it). It doesn't have to be as complicated as I'm sure you're imagining it to be. Simply express that you can no longer receive hugs because it is not appropriate, you are engaged. You need to be assertive and to the point when speaking with your manager. There doesn't have to be an argument and if he has an issue with it you can either explain that as a committed woman it isn't acceptable for you to be overly physical with other men, or tell him to speak with your fiance about it.

sweetraindrops · 2015-06-13T00:59:07+00:00

RPWs, please help me fix this. How should I approach my fiancé?

a7aaaaaaaaa · 2015-07-08T09:48:42+00:00

you two to blame, you for not stopping it the first time it happened and your man for not ending it the first time he saw it happening and for a guy like your manager he probably won't get it with words so i suggest a little bit of boxing and if it's a work requirement to hug people walk your self out, you shouldn't hug people without expecting something in return

tintedlipbalm · 2015-06-16T20:15:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Help! SO and I work together
Author	sweetraindrops
Upvotes	3
Comments	56
Date	June 12, 2015 10:29 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/39n2w6/help_so_and_i_work_together/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/help-so-and-i-work-together.85438 https://theredarchive.com/post/85438

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