How can I be less judgmental?

rivertorain · 2017-07-20T06:30:44+00:00

Get curious about people. Like, actually get interested in different viewpoints. Realize that it's precisely through those differences that you grow as a person; and that by trying to turn everyone else into you, you'd just stay stagnant your entire life.

Cardiscappa · 2017-07-20T04:50:46+00:00

(for me I can't live with a man unless we're married) - because I think it's immoral or "loose"

I'm generally fashion conscious - how they could be so sloppy

I am pretty successful for my age - I start looking down on people who are still struggling

my boyfriend won't let me pay, he wants to be the provider - I judge her for thinking she's amazing because they are "equal"

Sounds like a lot of psychological projection. You seem insecure with your own life and project those insecurities onto others. Similar to Missing Tile Syndrome.

How can I improve my attitude towards people?

How can I be more compassionate, more relatable?

Instead of looking at the "flaws" of others, look for the positives. Or, understand that you're not perfect. That person who looks sloppy, maybe their mother just died and they're just trying to put their life back together. How would you like to be in that situation? Having a close family member die and then trying to get over it, put on mismatched socks and buttoned up your cardigan wrong and be mocked for it? You don't know other people's struggles and you might be really surprised if they told you. Think about that and try to be more humble.

Panasas · 2017-07-19T23:21:43+00:00

Judgemental people tend to focus on areas they think of as their strengths, and overlook their own weaknesses, and where they do see their own weakness they often justify it as being in an area that's less important. They forget that a lot of opinions (not matter how strongly held) are subjective and that people are different, and that not everyone is dealt the same hand. They tend to see any areas in which they have had good fortune as having been deserved or earned or being due to their correct living and they sometimes forget to be grateful, and thereby generous in their opinions of others.

SirKolbath · 2017-07-19T22:55:18+00:00

Ask yourself if what you are about to say is going to matter in five years.

If the answer is yes (it prevents a death, grave injury, or economic collapse) then proceed.

If the answer is no, smile and say nothing.

beautifulbarbarian · 2017-07-20T00:05:29+00:00

I think it's very impressive that you're realizing this about yourself and calling yourself out on it! A lot of people don't even notice when they are being judgmental or think that they are obviously right and don't question it.
That being said, being judgmental doesn't do you any favors, and it sounds like you've realized that. It will make you come off unpleasant but won't change anyone's minds or values.

For me personally, the key is focusing my efforts on being the best I can be. The right people will notice and appreciate me for it. As a simple example, in college, I saw a lot of girls having one night stands and generally sleeping with lots of men. That didn't agree with my values. However, making comments about how "slutty" they are to others or trying to change them by telling them it's wrong would have only made me look bitter. I just stuck to my own values and my own preferences and let other people do whatever they wanted to their reputation. My experience has been that the right men noticed me exactly for those qualities - being sexually conservative, but being also being kind and not forcing my lifestyle on other people.

I think the same applies to other situations in life. Think about how you want other people to see you. And then try to act that way. Try to make your choices look good, without putting others down. If you made good choices, just the fact that you're visibly happy with your life will speak for itself.

In addition to that, some compassion goes a long way. You don't have to compromise your values, but you can definitely try to empathize with people. And once you do, a lot of the temptation to judge them will resolve on its own.

XM21 · 2017-07-20T11:15:38+00:00

Carl Jung wrote about ego death. If I find a women that doesn't have a ego directed toward me I'm marrying her. I don't care what she looks like at this point.

Rivkariver · 2017-07-20T15:42:49+00:00

Lower your expectations for people to be perfect. I get you, sometimes I feel I've been through more adult problems than most people in my world, so I get frustrated.

"Arrogance is always expecting the best of people."

You know perfectly well that modern mainstream culture has brainwashed everyone in the young generation that living together is a natural relationship step. It's wrong, but for someone who doesn't know better, you shouldn't be surprised if they do it. No need to act like you've never heard of such a thing, unless you are 50.
Some people are poor or depressed or focused on things besides fashion. Maybe they have a different style from you. When I was poor I was tired and being trendy wasn't on my mind. Now, I look nice, but I'm traditional and classic, so buy classic items and ignore trends anyway.
I used to think people who failed were weak. Then I had some health issues and I realized it's never as simple as just working hard. Remember life could send you a humbling experience too.

So it's common when first taking the pill to be outraged and shocked at the culture. It's better to just accept it. It's not fun to live in, but it's the way it is now. Just live by your values. Open your mind to see people where they are at.

Edit:

You can feel bad for your friend that her bf won't provide. But don't judge her, she was taught it's normal. Anyone who gets to wake up and see the truth about the culture is blessed. We didn't earn it, we are the lucky ones. (By the way, it's not a new idea that a woman shouldn't be dependent on a man unless they are married. FWIW.)

Kara_El · 2017-07-20T15:53:08+00:00

Personally, I try to keep in mind that I can love and support my friends, without loving and supporting their decisions.

A very close friend just finalized her divorce, because they're "different people" and he won't help around the house more or take a more active role in raising their children. He's not a bad guy. As a former 23-year-old divorcee, who ran from someone who was completely psychotic, I struggle not to judge her. I'd have loved for my problems to be as simple as hers.

Judging her is not what makes a good friend, though. She's hurting and I can empathize with pain, as can everyone. If your friend is excited to be taking a big life step, such as moving in with her boyfriend, focus on empathizing with her excitement over big life decisions, not your feelings on said decisions.

pare_bear · 2017-07-20T22:01:28+00:00

Someone told me once, and I believe it could be applicable here (paraphrasing): "I'm not big on God, but every night I pray for people to treat me the exact same way I treated them today. When I'm laying in bed at night, this prayer makes me shape-up my behavior for the next day."

Though judgment is the precursor to actual mistreatment, it's an interesting thought: if everyone judged me the exact same way I'm judging them today, how would that look?

Though that isn't a tangible step to stopping judgment, I think it's something to ponder; you seem like a deep-thinking person, so it might be helpful.

Unfortunately, we are often times unable to control the first judgmental thought that comes into our heads; it comes to the surface from years and years of allowing the judgment to grip our consciousness. We can sure as hell, however, control that second thought that addresses the first thought in our internal dialogue. For example, I may not be able to control this first thought "Sally is really struggling in her career right now" (simply an observation), but my second thought "if she just did A, B, and C, she would move forward at a faster pace than bitching about it all the time" (our personal reaction to the observation).

I think judgement is a choice, even though it feels out of control. The first thought is observational, neurons firing as we observe our surroundings and take in data. Our second thought, as I mentioned above, is nurtured by what we allow ourselves to ponder. If time after time we allow our reaction to be negative to external stimuli, we train our subconscious to participate in heavy judgment. We have every capability to disrupt those synapse connections and start to break the pattern of judgmental behavior by simply affirming our negative reactions with positive commentary. Just as we trained our brains to be judgmental, we can train them to be non-judgmental.

We have more power than we know.

Startthecar27 · 2017-07-21T22:47:41+00:00

Practice kindness, learn to forgive, revel in the happiness of others. Judge not...

Captainsgirl · 2017-07-20T03:58:50+00:00

I try to focus on a saying my mother (a red pill woman if ever ther was one!) always said to me when I was growing up: "It doesn't cost anything to be kind." This is not just in our words and actions, but also in our thoughts. People come from different places than we do, and they might judge us just as harshly. Of course I think I am living "the right" moral life (or else I wouldn't be living it!) but as long as we are able to stay true to our moral values at the same time, it doesn't hurt us to be kind to others. My mother was the type of woman that never said anything bad about anyone, never raised her voice, and was universally loved. I strive to achieve her level of poise.

[deleted] · 2017-07-20T16:47:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How can I be less judgmental?
Author	cuspids
Upvotes	6
Comments	22
Date	July 19, 2017 10:38 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6oc3fz/how_can_i_be_less_judgmental/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-i-be-less-judgmental.73144 https://theredarchive.com/post/73144

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