How did you learn to trust?

calikhaleesi · 2015-06-11T14:47:48+00:00

This is such a good question!! Trust is really hard to come by. I spent SO long being completely untrusting, and I know that was really smothering my SO. Personally, I think it's a slow process. You just have to be aware of when those feelings of mistrust/jealousy are rising up in you, and try to logically analyze the situation. I still do that to this day. This helps me de-escalate those negative feelings and get back to a positive place fairly quickly.

Jealousy and mistrust are total relationship killers! If you are ever feeling those feelings, just ask yourself, is an outburst worth losing the relationship over? More often than not, the answer is no.

frozen_strawberry · 2015-06-11T16:49:12+00:00

to paraphrase barney stinson... when i dont trust him i stop not trusting him and trust him instead.

ThrowingMyslfOutther · 2015-06-11T18:45:17+00:00

A very zen approach, trust everyone til they give you reason not to.

coconutginger · 2015-06-13T20:34:28+00:00

In a way, I think part of trusting your SO is learning to trust yourself--trust that you learned from any past mistakes and chose a good man who has your best interests at heart and will steer you and your relationship in a good direction. I think accepting that kind of responsibility in trusting your SO can also help you sort out when you're having a hard time with trust because of your own internal worries or past problems that have nothing to do with the current issue at hand.

sierrasecho · 2015-06-11T17:40:51+00:00

I jumped, and he caught me.

I think the whole "he has to EARN my trust" is BS. I had recently gotten out of a truly awful relationship when I met my man. But I knew if I came into this with baggage, he would be out the door. He has no patience for that. I could have whined and held myself distant, as "I had good reason". I established fairly quickly that he was a good man, and had no intention of hurting me. I decided to start from a place of trust, instead of pointlessly making him jump through hoops to " prove" his worth. And he has never let me down, which cemented that trust.

(This doesn't mean I put major decisions in his hands right off the bat. We still took our time feeling each other out. Just I started from trusting his decisions, and his direction rather than grudgingly ceding trust bit by bit)

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-06-11T23:33:12+00:00

You need to think about whether or not it's you not trusting him or if it's you not wanting to give up control that you feel you have now. Often people confuse those two things.

It's rare that we think if we allow our partners to make the decision that he's going to burn the house down, wreck the car, and kill the kids/pets. It's that we've become accustomed to running everything our way and we don't want to give it up. Letting go of that control that you've become accustomed to can be incredibly stress relieving.

Stop and think about the worst things that could happen if you let him lead. Will he pick a restaurant you don't like? Maybe. Is he going to actually end up burning the house down? It's highly doubtful.

Every time the man leads he shows me that he's capable and trustworthy. Often I find he's a better leader than I would ever be. He often knows me better than I know myself. Stop looking to trust him. Let him lead and that trust will come through in his actions as a leader. He'll show you himself that he's strong and capable. If he isn't then you'll have an issue, but good men rise to the occasion.

TheBippoloSeed · 2015-06-11T22:50:00+00:00

Just curious, is your question centered around having a past reason not to trust him, or are you having a hard time trusting in general?

I think the answer to that question would be very helpful. For example, if he's done stuff, then you gotta deal with the stuff he did and the stuff you made up about it.

If trusting is hard in general, then looking more things that have happened in your past and what there is to acknowledge and accept there is a good start.

There are some things I will always have trouble with, and I can see triggers come up. If you can determine those "things" and things can go way back, you can learn to put them in the past where they belong and trust in the future.

Thanks for being vulnerable and posting this.

Title	How did you learn to trust?
Author	OrganicSprout
Upvotes	14
Comments	12
Date	June 11, 2015 2:40 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/39g70y/how_did_you_learn_to_trust/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-did-you-learn-to-trust.85437 https://theredarchive.com/post/85437

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