How do I gauge his interest about commitment and dating without fully revealing my interest in him?

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-02-11T15:07:03+00:00

It sounds like you two just initially met at the wrong time in life. It was quite mature and respectful of him to end things instead of capitalizing on sex. Now that you have some things figured out, he seems pretty serious about you. Honestly, I don't think you need to start with a lot of vulnerability. He's doing that for you, which is good, since he's the one who ended things.

I also feel a bit insecure—his business school classmates are wealthy, successful women, and while he says he prefers a softer, supportive partner, I worry he might change his mind down the line.

My husband dated literal rodeo queens who could rope calves before marrying me, a suburban former librarian who likes to craft and read. He could have found the former in a hearbeat, but chose me. If this guy wanted that type of woman, he wouldn't be reaching out.

I would suggest you start by reciprocating his interest. Message first and tell him about a really good/bad day or a recipe you finally mastered. That's plenty of vulnerability when you're not in a relationship yet. Let him take things from there and ask you out. He sounds like a catch.

Nerdslayer2 · 2025-02-11T17:20:03+00:00

I don't think you need to feel insecure. Being wealthy and successful doesn't increase a woman's attractiveness significantly in the eyes of men. It might actually decrease it if he wants a wife who is a SAHM since successful women are often less likely to want to stay home.

He definitely seems very interested to me. You could try just being flirty when messaging him.

open_honeypot · 2025-02-11T15:08:49+00:00

Pull up your big girl panties and tell that man what you want! You have to risk it all to win it all!

jobgh · 2025-02-12T00:07:44+00:00

I also feel a bit insecure—his business school classmates are wealthy, successful women, and while he says he prefers a softer, supportive partner, I worry he might change his mind down the line.

He’s a 32 year old guy. He knows what he wants by now, and guys don’t tend to be fickle and drop girls on a dime from what I’ve seen. I wouldn’t sweat it

Ok_Lychee1258 · 2025-02-12T04:10:56+00:00

Judge his actions and not his words. Be your true, sweet, feminine self, but don't be future tripping just yet. You're too worried about the future vs staying in the present and judging his actions. He calls - great. Is he consistent? Is he planning any type of action. Watch for that. Work on your self-esteem in the meantime as comparing yourself to others is never a good thing. In the meantime instead of thinking of what ifs evaluate what he is actually doing... vs what he is saying

AutoModerator · 2025-02-11T14:59:02+00:00

Title: How do I gauge his interest about commitment and dating without fully revealing my interest in him?

Author Comfortable_Funny496

Full text: Hey everyone!

I'm 24 and dated a 32-year-old man last summer for two months (I’ve posted about him before). He ended things because I was in my gap year and unsure about my career path.

Since then, I applied to grad school and have interviews, including one from my top choice in our city. He recently reached out, asking about my applications, complimenting me a lot (on my intelligence, femininity, and maturity), and engaging in deep conversations. He’s also joked about me staying in our city and playfully mentioned taking me out, but he hasn’t actually asked me out yet. He also asked me casually if I've been going on dates with other men and I sensed a bit of jealousy in his words.

Now that I have a high chance of staying, how can I show interest without being too vulnerable? He’s asked me to be sweet and open with him, but I’m afraid of getting hurt. I also feel a bit insecure—his business school classmates are wealthy, successful women, and while he says he prefers a softer, supportive partner, I worry he might change his mind down the line.

I would appreciate any advice/insight :)

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SunRose42 · 2025-02-12T17:39:36+00:00

This sounds really hopeful (sometimes you just meet during the wrong time in life), but there’s a lot we and maybe you too don’t know here. He broke up with you because you didn’t know what you were doing with your life. But after only two months, during an intentional gap year you presumably took for the purpose of figuring it out?

Maybe he’s just a decisive guy who knows exactly what he wants and didn’t want to waste your time. But I think it’s worth being cautious here. If you’ve gone on dates, I would be honest with him about that (he should know that you’ll actively move on if he doesn’t make a move). Apart from that, I’d try to be open and honest, but guarded if that makes sense. Don’t be inauthentic, but I would limit emotional disclosure and try not to get emotionally invested until he’s confirmed that he wants to be exclusive with you.

Personally, I’d be cautiously optimistic, but would want to set up a meeting time if you get the position in the city you’re both in as soon as possible. At the meeting, if he confirms he wants to be exclusive, that’s great. And if he doesn’t explicitly and enthusiastically confirm that, or says he wants to explore first, I think he’s either indecisive or not serious about you, and either way, that’s cause to cut him off.

Title	How do I gauge his interest about commitment and dating without fully revealing my interest in him?
Author	Comfortable_Funny496
Upvotes	10
Comments	16
Date	February 11, 2025 2:59 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1in0guk/how_do_i_gauge_his_interest_about_commitment_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-gauge-his-interest-about-commitment-and.1543563 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543563

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