How do you accept no physical contact before marriage when everything else feels right?

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2025-12-17T11:32:59+00:00

Do you two share religious beliefs?

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-12-17T15:18:07+00:00

Honestly, I don't advise this if you're not also on board. If you were a devout (insert faith here) and this was a pillar of your faith, I'd have encouraging words for you. As your post reads, this is all him and you're planning to sacrifice something important to you to keep him. I don't know what you mean by "physical contact" (everyone is assuming premarital sex, but your post makes it seem far more severe), but it's clearly too much for you from your tone. From an amoral stance, if you're uncomfortable with it, that's not better than if he's uncomfortable with it.

The thing that people who wait don't tell you is they a) either slip up some and repent or b) often struggle with this in the relationship, sometimes only temporarily, sometimes longterm. That struggle can be for so many different reasons, from a lack of chemistry, differing drives, or the discovery of porn addiction or homosexuality. The way faithful people deal with that is by accepting the idea that sex is not as important to a relationship as our society claims, a learning curve exists, and sometimes your drives and attraction just don't match up. I'm not suggesting they all deal with this, but the religious argument for waiting acknowledges that this is potentially a cross you'll have to bear. If you don't think that argument is valid, I don't suggest you continue the relationship.

CotaBean · 2025-12-17T11:51:34+00:00

I accepted a lot of this before I got married, and I regret it because it didn’t allow me to explore sexual and physical compatibility, which I’ve learned is really, really important for me. And I’ve learned that it’s not important in the same way for my husband.

Also, intimacy is a pretty common issue in long-term partnerships, but because it’s so taboo and people have so much shame around it, it often goes unaddressed. It’s something we should learn about ourselves and pay attention to.

At the very least, understand your own needs and try to have a conversation about it and hopefully you can both be honest (and accurate) about your own needs and perspectives without actually having physical contact.

flower_power_g1rl · 2025-12-17T12:03:50+00:00

I'll be honest - I engaged in this practice for almost a year - and it was the best and most significant decision I have made in my whole life. It taught me SO MUCH about myself, G-d, boundaries, the human body, and human relationships. And now I have a good marriage, so in summary, my opinion is that this choice will improve your and his lives tremendously.

GaHillBilly_1 · 2025-12-17T15:44:46+00:00

OK, I'm here gaining info, and wasn't planning to post because I'm an (old) guy. But . . . in your case, I think I have something to say, that's I'm not seeing in other comments.

FWIW, both my wife and I were virgins when we married, but not by much. We've been married, pretty happily for 40+ years, and are still sexually active, though nothing like the 1st 25 years of marriage.

If your guy is not struggling to keep his hands off you . . . that's a warning sign. Healthy religious young men are commonly horny as all get out. He may have a massive porn problem (super common these days), be asexual (not rare), or, worst of all, be trying to 'switch' from a homosexual orientation to heterosexual . . . without telling you.
The Bible forbids genital intercourse between unmarried people, and that almost certainly excludes anal, and probably oral, intercourse. But it does not exclude touching, kissing, etc.
Few people know these days, but various forms of restricted touching have been common among very religious groups, as a means of verifying shared physical interest before marriage, but without intercourse. The Amish and Old Order Mennonites still do this (bundling).
Great sex is not a requirement for Christian marriage, but it certainly makes it much easier, and its lack matters a lot.
You say he does "not want ANY physical contact before marriage". That can be interpreted several ways, but I would encourage you to check and see if this restriction is imposed by his church group. If he's imposing it himself, I think that's a serious red flag.

So, you need to have a thoughtful, almost certainly difficult, talk. And you need to be prepared for the fact that the outcome of this conversation ends your relationship.

I'm sorry to say, based on the things I've seen over the years, I think the chance that he's trying to 'fix' a homosexual orientation is not small. The Bible does NOT treat homosexual orientation as sin, but it also doesn't promise resolution in this life. Unfortunately, some churches do make that promise.

Marriages between Christians who are homosexually oriented (homosexual/lesbian) HAVE occurred, and have (SO FAR) been successful, but they are HARD and require honest prior communication and a mutual commitment to what is often a 'long slog'.

I'll go so far as saying, "You do NOT want to marry / seriously date someone who is stealthily using you as an aid to his own hope-for sexual recovery". If nothing else, the implicit dishonesty is a relationship killer.

God bless you.

Empty_Alternative_98 · 2025-12-17T12:24:26+00:00

This is one value that is important for you and can’t verify compatibility. This means you can’t know whether your libidos will match or whether the sex will be enjoyable (which isn’t the worst thing, you can always work on this - as long as both parties are interested)

I was in two dead bedroom relationships (how lucky I am…) and as a person that values intimacy a lot… it crushed my soul and my self esteem. If I were you I’d initiate an open discussion about his expectations post marriage to gauge his stance on sex first. I wouldn’t push with my needs in the initial engagement to avoid making him feel cornered or influence his answeres. But be aware: the plans rarely match the reality.

As someone that experienced men with “lacking” sexual energy, I would be warry of men that aren’t that enthusiastic about sex. The first man I had this issue with was also perfect on paper and kept postponing till I was in love and then I discovered he had a raging ED that he too much of an ego to fix. I may project here, but I really wouldn’t want someone else to go through such a thing. These are my 0.02$

Best of luck, OP!

Open_Interaction_677 · 2025-12-17T12:36:04+00:00

I have good friends who were exactly the same before marriage. They have now been together over 20 years and have a lovely family.

Standard_Debate_1572 · 2025-12-17T15:42:49+00:00

Since everyone else has suggested making sure your values and needs align, I'll just say that I agree with them. That's your choice.

If you decide that it's worth it to stick with him, I think it's important to communicate with him and try to find a compromise. It's important to involve him in your struggles so that you can work through them together rather than feeling like you're alone in it. I'm sure that he finds it difficult as well, which is probably why he's so devout about it. Bonding over that could bring you closer together.

A compromise could look like him telling you how much he looks forward to being able to touch you, hug you, hold your hand etc, and letting you know that the lack of it is not out of desire. Obviously you know that, but it's helpful to be reminded. But really, I think he would be able to help you find the best compromise because I don't know what he is and isn't comfortable with.

Personally, I think that if you two share the same values, it's worth it to try sticking it out. But that's a deeply personal choice that nobody else to can make for you. I wish you lots of luck!

Big_Rain4564 · 2025-12-18T09:13:03+00:00

My husband and I didn’t have any intimate physical contact before marriage for religious reasons. I don’t regret it in any way I am glad we waited.

SuccessfulGuidance51 · 2025-12-21T19:14:34+00:00

Have sex before you're married pls . Don't be married to someone you're not sexually compatible with. That divorce will be very expensive.

CriticalEggplant6007 · 2025-12-18T09:02:00+00:00

Maybe he has a micro p. Definitely figure it out before marriage. Maybe have a serious conversation. Idk.

AutoModerator · 2025-12-17T11:30:18+00:00

Title: How do you accept no physical contact before marriage when everything else feels right?

Author EmphasisMaterial8574

Full text: I’m dating a guy who, honestly, checks almost all the boxes for me. We communicate well, share values, and I feel safe and respected with him. I truly think he’s a good person and a potential long-term partner.

However, for religious reasons, he doesn’t want any physical contact before marriage. I respect his beliefs, but I’ll be honest, this is really hard for me. Physical closeness is important to me in a relationship, and right now I’m struggling.

I’m afraid that if I can’t accept this, I’ll lose someone who could be really good for me. At the same time, I’m scared of ignoring my own needs and ending up unhappy or resentful later.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Were you able to accept waiting, and how did it turn out? Or did you realize it was a fundamental incompatibility? I’d really appreciate hearing real experiences, not just theory.

Thanks in advance.

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Title	How do you accept no physical contact before marriage when everything else feels right?
Author	EmphasisMaterial8574
Upvotes	8
Comments	22
Date	December 17, 2025 11:30 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1pou9au/how_do_you_accept_no_physical_contact_before/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-accept-no-physical-contact-before.1569061 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569061

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