Insecurity?

vanaxach · 2015-04-24T06:32:32+00:00

Well, what are you doing to make yourself happy? Have any hobbies or interests? Maybe, spend more time on them.

Just because you're RP doesn't mean you have to put on a facade of perfection 24/7.

vintagegirlgame · 2015-04-24T06:55:42+00:00

Do you think you might be struggling with depression? Are you usually an optimistic person or a pessimistic person? Are these feelings of inadequacy only in your relationship w your SO or does it bleed into relationships with friends, family, at work?

How is your diet? Do you eat healthy? My Dr.Mom would suggest taking lots of Vitamin D3 to boost immunity and mood (50,000 IUs once a week, 15,000 IUs daily).

IceCreamnCakenCake · 2015-04-24T11:33:42+00:00

I struggle with this all the time! I basically lurk around here hoping to figure out what I need to be doing differently. Thank you for posting this! :) I'll look to others to offer the advice but I wanted to say that I know EXACTLY how you feel and you're not alone!

TheLadyPainter · 2015-04-24T06:38:39+00:00

1) He's with you because he chooses to be. It's probably because you're valuable to him and bring joy to his life, which is something to feel wonderful about.

2) I noticed that when talking about yourself, you describe a lot of things you do physically/socially. What else do you do? Do you have a hobby? Do you read/write? Draw? Play an instrument? Cook creatively? Dance? Are you into fitness? If you do any of these things, take pride in it. If you don't have a hobby, I'd suggest getting in to something. If it's something you think your SO would be proud of you for doing, all the better. :)

windlabyrinth · 2015-04-24T14:20:39+00:00

The good news is this is your battle and you can kick ass.

Some things I did: You have to challenge your brain. Your brain isn't bad but sometimes it's an asshole. I weigh 115 pounds but, when I look in the mirror I see a baby orca whale. I know logically i can't be a baby whale, mostly because I can't swim.

I have compassion for everyone else so why not myself? Can I be the only person in the world who is a worthless mistake? No that's just stupid so shut up brain, you're not you when you're hungry.

Go outside. Go for a small walk, soak up some sun. The sun gives you those good vibe vitamins.

I picked up reading again. I also joined a book club. Whatever you enjoy find it and then find people to do it with.

Also, I recommend a journal. Your deepest darkest insecurities need a place to go but out for the world isn't the right place. So I write them. They have their own space in a deceptively bright yellow notebook that nobody will ever read. It helps me a lot to give them a voice, move them from my brain into a safe space.

t0k1 · 2015-04-24T11:42:26+00:00

I think one of the keywords of your post is "lately."

Has something happened, you observed something, or has something been said/done to you that makes you feel somehow inadequate? What's the trigger? Is this the first time you have felt this way, or do these phases of crappy feelings happen often? Try to identify possible catalysts for yourself.

"I feel like everything I do is not enough." - Enough to maintain your happiness, or your SO's?

Although you seem to take care of yourself and are self-aware (e.g. the feeling that something is off) and although part of this could be symptoms of depression/anxiety, I think part of your feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy can be resolved with more communication and contact with your SO &/or friends and family.

Branching out with new hobbies, learning something new, and being more physically active are good places to start. Exercising when you start to feel the mehs and blahs really helps me. Volunteering your time at a shelter or a soup kitchen helps too. Especially when you help homeless people...it makes me more grateful for what I have and appreciate that the things I think are BIG F-ing PROBLEMS are not as big and bad as I think they are. (Plus, exercise and helping people out will jack up your feel-good endorphins.)

I think you made a good positive step in reaching out to others on a public forum, you're not alone in how you feel.

vanaxach · 2015-04-24T12:42:11+00:00

Hey, he's with you. That means you're awesome! Coming from how you've described yourself, that means you bring happiness and joy to him, and that he loves and respects you. It sounds like you may be dealing with depression, (not a doctor) but aside from going to a counselor, you can also look at your diet, vitamins, and exercise as a partial help.

Its not your job to be stoic and keep things to yourself. You're a woman, we get emotional, its totally OK. Just tell him how you feel and I'm sure he'll understand and make you feel better. Just remember that he chose to be with YOU. That means you lighten his day and make him happy, if you were worthless, he wouldn't choose to spend his time with you. I'm sure you'll be fine and you should remember above all you are not worthless.

I deal with depression myself, I'm not sure if that is what you have but it could be. I know those feelings and have dealt with them recently. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend and I finally told him about a week ago. He just gave me a big hug and tucked me into my bed and told me how I'm not worthless and it really made me feel better about myself. While being stoic and self helping is a good trait, its hard to stay on an even keel all the time, and having a guy who cares about how you feel is an opportunity to get things off your chest that are weighing only you.

vanaxach · 2015-04-25T12:33:52+00:00

The book The Surrendered Wife says that if you are feeling like you need to lash out at your husband to stop and examine how much time you've been spending in yourself. Typically when we feel exhausted or at the end of our rope, it's because we haven't been spending enough time on ourselves.

Now I know you haven't said you've been lashing out at your SO but I think feeling sad or insecure about yourself can also speak to a lack of me time too. Go do something nice for yourself, a manicure, get a new dress or whatever it is. Read a book, take a walk, order take out instead of making dinner. It sounds like you haven't been appreciating you lately. You deserve it!

gabilromariz · 2015-04-24T18:38:27+00:00

I've had the same problem and am working to get over it. One thing you need to understand is if you're doing a ton of stuff and feel like it's never enough, you're not doing the right things for you, and that's ok.

It looks like you're spreading yourself too thin! How is school, work, your friends, etc? Maybe you should cut back on the stuff that feels draining to you and start taking better care of yourself. It feels a bit selfish at times but it improves my mood greatly, like getting absorbed in a hobby you like or taking a really long bath or walk or whatever suits you

orientallily · 2015-04-25T15:55:03+00:00

I understand where you are coming from. I second some of the other rpw here who said they write down their thoughts in a journal. It definitely helps in my case as well. I keep a private wordpress blog where I write down my thoughts when I feel insecure, crazy, when my hamster is spinning etc... I write down how I feel, why I feel that way, what is more rational for me to do, and that really helps clear my head and change my mindset when I'm stuck in a terrible place. I also write down when I make mistakes with regards to my relationship with my SO to avoid them in the future. Maybe you can try it out and see if it helps? I find it lonely sometimes since I do not want to share most relationship questions with friends/family, and I don't want to bother my SO when I know I'm just irrationally insecure. Writing seems to be a healthy outlet.

2015-04-29T15:52:21+00:00

you're not alone, i feel the same way. but these comments are helping! thanks for posting :)

Title	Insecurity?
Author	vanaxach
Upvotes	14
Comments	37
Date	April 24, 2015 5:40 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/33ol3h/insecurity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/insecurity.85338 https://theredarchive.com/post/85338

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