Need reassurance

KittenLoves_ · 2018-04-20T11:23:44+00:00

Be yourself, in the best possible way you can be. You do not need to give yourself a new personality and cover up who you actually are. Not only is that likely impossible to do in the long run, any man who falls for the "new fake you" will eventually be shocked/annoyed/disappointed/whatever when he finds out you're actually a completely different person.

You cannot be too knowledgeable. There is no such thing. Obviously, don't act like a know-it-all. But never stop trying to learn and grow as a person.

As long as you are dedicated to being the best version of yourself, everything else should fall into place. If you notice a genuine shortcoming in the things you've listed (eg. you have a tendency to overtake a someone else's personal organization in order to implement your own plan unasked), then work towards fixing that. But otherwise, continue striving towards self improvement, and don't feel like you need to make yourself into a different person altogether.

There is no one set mould of "wife material", because different men have different personalities, goals, passions, etc. Your witty banter may not be good for everyone, but why would you want to try to attract everyone when you should instead be trying to attract people whose interests and personalities work well with yours?

Rivkariver · 2018-04-20T13:17:47+00:00

You just need a strong man. Lots of women feel they are too much, too intense. I think weaker guys who get overwhelmed by a woman send the message. So he can’t handle you and blames you for being too much instead of growing up and learning not to be phased and to hold his frame or whatever they call it.

A strong man won’t feel like you are too much into your hobbies.

strategic_expert · 2018-04-20T13:33:09+00:00

The best way to be attractive is to be yourself and be passionate about being yourself. If you take care of yourself, your health and your passions, you will be able to find a man that is attracted to you and wants to protect and provide for you.

Now, as far as finding yourself: Don't be afraid of taking risks and going out and trying new things that you want to do. You'll learn a lot more about what you really do enjoy and what makes you you. Experience in life is also a very attractive quality because when you're more experienced with different aspects in life, you're much more likely to be considerate and empathetic and compassionate because you have been there or know someone who has.

It is a catch-22 in that the more you worry about doing something wrong, the less likely it is you will do anything at all. You're not going to be able to find yourself if you're always worried that someone else will think you're doing life wrong. You find the right way to live, the way that gives you balance and makes you resonate at a frequency you enjoy.

As far as securing commitment... once a man is attracted to who you are, you must show him respect and gratitude when he shows you his love. That's actually an entirely different topic and you should probably just stick to finding yourself first before worrying about that. It will happen if you want it to, don't worry.

You've got this. Just live life to the fullest and as Laura Doyle says, "Be the light," which means just be full of happiness and show it in your own way in everything you do. Some women are giggly and bubbly, some women like to rock out... it's totally up to you but the easiest way to do this is by living a life of gratitude and humility.

Hope that helps. You've totally got this and I believe in you!

TL;DR: Live passionately, get out of your comfort zone and experience life, don't worry about failure (failure is important!), and practice humility and gratitude

mrs-pickard · 2018-04-20T11:32:09+00:00

Don't lose yourself in the process of becoming who you want to be. This should be a natural progression. Do you LIKE your witty humor? If you think being "girl next door" is boring, don't be. Adopt the traits you find attractive, and leave the ones you find to be wanting. Make it your own, because you are an individual, not an ideal.

[deleted] · 2018-04-20T14:25:44+00:00

You can be who you are but the important thing is that the men you are interested in don't perceive it as excessive criticism, and if they are a good match for you, they will either not be bothered by it right off the bat, or they'll be less likely to perceive it as criticism as they get to know you better. You probably have a friend who doesn't perceive your wit as critical, because you have established mutual understanding with that person; so that same thing may have to happen if you find someone you like, and they don't get your wit right off the bat, and you'll have to decide over time if they are starting to understand you or not.

Witty women aren't necessarily hurting their chances in dating. Women holding up the strong and independent image at a level where they lack the social skills to make enough positive emotional connection are the ones hurting their chances in dating-- and obviously men do this too because they are generally even more stoic. Without a positive emotional connection that both people feel, you don't have the emotional safety to effectively communicate and build a relationship.

A lot of men can't tell the difference between the strong and independent image and criticism that should emotionally affect them, because they generally perceive respect as love, and because they haven't even gotten to know her yet. So this type of woman expects him to "just get it". But the guys who are likely to "just get it", and only reply to her more invulnerable image with a similarly invulnerable image, are the guys who usually have no desire to commit and will inevitably leave her more miserable.

This woman upholds some form of strong and independent image out of fear of the potential shame in being socially and emotionally vulnerable, and even holds this wall over her heart for so long, that she begins to fully accept the shame. But based on attachment theory and EFT couple's therapy, becoming aware of that shame and moving past it with social risks, with the hope of connection and understanding, is the only chance to have the fairy-tale romance that most men and women want.

So to summarize: wit, or any other personality trait can exist on the foundation of the relationship, but the foundation of the relationship must have shared emotional safety to even exist, and the relationship's health depends upon how much shared emotional safety it has. Some men will get your personality right off the bat, some men will take more time to understand you, and some men won't match up to you-- for those that don't understand you, the amount of time it takes before you move on is your call. But forming shared emotional safety with someone, through kind and honest communication to the best of one's ability, will destroy worrying about being good enough.

I took too long to write this when I should've been eating a sandwich, but I don't feel emotionally safe without revision, so hopefully this is a helpful post. =)

Madiposa · 2018-04-20T15:32:52+00:00

This sounds like anxiety. I would suggest finding ways to get out of your head and stop second guessing yourself. Meditation is a great way. To be honest, your lifestyle sounds well-balanced - hobbies, social life, domestic awareness, etc.

cryptohobo · 2018-04-20T22:38:56+00:00

I think you’re looking at yourself too one-dimensionally, which is causing this extreme shift in how you see yourself nonstop. Don’t do that, it’s hard on you and pointless. Instead just see yourself, that’s it. Notice the things about yourself and notice the ideals you have about being a wife. Sometimes they’ll be compatible, sometimes not. That’s ok, ideals aren’t real anyway, you’ll get farther with yourself with kindness.

gamerbike · 2018-04-20T15:17:07+00:00

Dont worry, you are just an average thot

Title	Need reassurance
Author	sheikha4teddies
Upvotes	12
Comments	25
Date	April 20, 2018 11:13 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8dmrvd/need_reassurance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/need-reassurance.74624 https://theredarchive.com/post/74624

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