I’ve started dating an amazing man. We made it official recently. I would describe him as a sigma. He’s very independent and introverted but great with people. He’s dominant and protective but also kind and affectionate. He’s very intelligent and financially savvy, funny, VERY sexy, and we have compatible views on all the big things (from human nature to politics to kids) I’m completely head over heels for him. There’s just one problem.

I was raised in a religion with many levels of “practicing” and I come from circles that are very conservative and hardcore. Most of my family and friends, with very few exceptions, are deeply committed and would consider dating or marrying outside the religion a huge no no. I am not practicing on nearly the same level. I use the religion more as a general guide for my life, and it is important to me, but it isn’t the strict set of rules it is for them. They don’t know that though, because to avoid conflict, I never bring up my differences. My SO, however, is not religious. He’s very accepting and interested in my religion. He loves to study it, and loves to talk with me about it. But he wasn’t raised in it and doesn’t consider himself practicing.

For me this isn’t a problem. We have the same lens for looking at the world. Morally and politically we hold the same views so I’m fine. But to my friends and family it will be a HUGE problem. They won’t accept him and they will probably alienate me. For some of them to accept him I would have to stop claiming my religion entirely, because they’d prefer an unbeliever to one who doesn’t meet their standards. For others, even if I did that I’d still be alienated. Because they don’t want an unbeliever around (this includes the friends I live with who would likely kick me out)

I’m in a very hard spot. I don’t want to give up my boyfriend. He’s the most amazing man I’ve dated. I don’t want to have to stop claiming my religion because I still see the value in it. I don’t want to hurt my family. But most importantly, I don’t want to hurt my man. I don’t want him to be rejected by the other people I love when he’s been nothing but honest with me from the beginning. I haven’t lied to my friends and family, but they all assume he’s practicing, and ask me if we talk about it much. And I tell them we talk about it (which is true) but haven’t told most of them he isn’t professing. I want to be honest but want to cause the least possible damage. I’m sorry this is so long. But I’m losing sleep over it so I would be so grateful for any help this community can provide.