Quiet Confidence?

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-01-13T16:52:05+00:00

I went through a similar phase as you - I'm also pretty quiet and reserved, then tried to be more outspoken which wasn't me. Here's what I think helped me develop my confidence:

-Understand that it's also attractive to be soft-spoken. Don't feel pressure to be someone you're not. -Learn to give a small smile to look less anxious, if you're feeling nervous for not talking. Also learn to develop a calm but cheerful air about you (that doesn't need talking). -Learn to make some small but witty comments that you can interject into conversation. I tend to not talk so much in a group of people because I'm mostly listening, but I'll say a small joke and smile which helps me seem less "shy." Try not to have a stoic face when you're listening/observing conversation. It's fine to smile along but not say anything. -You don't owe it to anyone to be loud or outspoken.

VigilantRedRooster · 2017-01-13T17:02:35+00:00

This makes me feel a bit uncomfortable as I'm a naturally reserved person and prefer to hang behind the scenes.

As a natural introvert myself I can relate. Getting out and interacting with people consumes a certain amount of psychic energy. Starting small and working your way up in scale of socializing does help; the initial getting out there can be the biggest hump.

I'm not sure if this is a "fake it till you make it" thing

New things may feel contrived at first, but give it a fair shot and this will dissipate.

"confidence"... I'm not necessarily asking about femininity,

There's an important distinction. One of the things that makes feminists so annoying is, they adopt male mannerisms in the name of confidence, like behaving brash, abrasive, and arrogant. I'd recommend a look at the assertiveness article in the sidebar; this is one way to have your say without coming across as dominant or challenging.

NoFaceNoPlace · 2017-01-13T17:43:02+00:00

Hm, as a woman our confidence shows up differently than male confidence.

Women aren't supposed to be the peacocks sizing themselves up and dominating others in the name of confidence like most men naturally do.

I have always believed a woman's confidence radiates through her grace and is something that can be done without "putting yourself out there"

Some confident behavior: • walking poised with head up acknowledging the other beings walking around you • "bright eyes" with smiles • speaking kindly and thinking about what you say before you say it

False confident behavior: • being loud and talking over others • dominating the conversation • impeding on other people's space • smug facial expressions • glares

yakuzaou · 2017-01-13T18:05:15+00:00

I think it depends on what you mean by "confidence" in this case. Do you mean being confident in yourself to the extent that you're comfortable being alone, or the confidence to go out and pursue friendships/relationships--i.e. being an extrovert? I think you're leaning towards the latter, but the problem is you might not be an outgoing, extroverted person and you don't need to be. I guess I'm not quite sure what your goals are for social interaction so that makes things difficult. You might be trying to go from 0 to 100 real quick, and that's why you might feel the need to fake it. I think it'd be more productive to approach it with a baby steps method; in other words, set small weekly goals for yourself in social situations. Maybe today you want to strike up one conversation with a stranger, tomorrow you can invite a friend out to eat, the next day etc etc. These are just examples, of course, it's up to you to decide how you want to approach this.

Galadriel26 · 2017-01-13T23:52:46+00:00

I am also struggling with finding the right balance, especially if there are both women and men present. I want to be liked by everyone but sometimes this is hard.

However these are some things I try to do:

-Never interrupt anyone! Especially not the man you like.

-Smile.

-Never belittle anyone.

-Talk about positive things.

-It's okay to talk about interests and accomplishments as long as I don't brag. Actually not doing this have lead to women having less respect for me as they don't know anything about me. For example if a group of three women are talking about a hobby we have in common I can be a little more forward and "butt in" and say "oh, I really like that too!", something I would not have done with a group of men.

onacasserole · 2017-01-15T03:07:55+00:00

I have a sales and marketing background, so for a lot of my career I made money from my ability to confidently relate to people who I knew nothing about.

You don't have to be the life of the party to engage people and showcase your kindness and interest, and if you're introverted this behavior will come off as insincere anyway. Asking questions is a fantastic way to put the conversational heavy lifting on another person, while making them feel important. This only works if when they ask you questions you also answer fully, no yes or no responses!

The more positive social interactions you have the more naturally confident you will become. You're trying to cultivate confidence and THEN interact, but IMO it works better the other way around. Being a good conversationalist is a skill, and the more you practice the better you'll get.

People love a good listener, and as you listen more you can find things you have in common with the speaker. You don't have to jump in with a party or bar scene either, practice on people you interact with on a daily basis. Learn how to draw them out and really listen to what they say. When someone hits on something you know about or also like or also have experience with, jump on it! "Oh I used to live there too/like that too/hate that too/saw that too" you get the picture!

Title	Quiet Confidence?
Author	womanandwolf
Upvotes	7
Comments	22
Date	January 13, 2017 3:36 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5nr98e/quiet_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/quiet-confidence.86838 https://theredarchive.com/post/86838

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