Relationship Fatigue?

PinkTulipz · 2016-12-03T20:13:27+00:00

Do you have any hobbies or passions that he doesn't? Doing activities alone (even if it's as simple as reading, video games, or a yoga class on the weekend) can help you detach and have your own space.

What is it that you've tried up until this point? Only you can decide whether or not the relationship is worth ending. Although this is RPW, in the end, not everyone is meant for a long term relationship. Of course, remember that if you miss him and change your mind, it may be impossible to reverse. Even if you did separate for a while and get back together, the dynamic will change once he knows you are capable of leaving even when nothing appears wrong.

How long have you felt this way?

plein_old · 2016-12-03T20:07:36+00:00

Do you have your own bedroom, or your own personal space, or a girls night out on a regular basis, or personal hobbies/activites away from your husband?

If you don't, you might end up destroying your marriage.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2016-12-03T20:36:20+00:00

How much regular alone time do you have?

--cunt · 2016-12-04T02:23:36+00:00

Yes I think that's normal and natural like everyone else said it's important to find your own hobbies and personal space. But even then you're going to have periods of wanting more closeness/more distance. Last few weeks I've been feeling a bit annoyed not at my fiancé but his presence... which sounds awful but we're cramped in a tiny 300 sq ft studio and I just want him to go away sometimes!!!! I love him dearly but I just physically need space. Last night he went to bed really early and I stayed up about 6 hours later. I did the same things I usually do, but felt a bit less tense and now today I feel better. I'm usually very clingy so feeling that way was strange for me, he's a lot more of an introvert so he needs space and alone time more often.

But I think it's normal and healthy every relationship romantic or not goes through waves of closeness and independence

nspikeu · 2016-12-04T04:21:47+00:00

You're passing the biological honeymoon phase, and these feelings are normal. Everything levels out into a daily routine, and sometimes you start to miss your old self.

During that time you may have focused so much on the 'us' that you have forgotten to take care of yourself and focus on your hobbies and interests and friends.

Without doing things for yourself life can feel quite desparate, when it isn't really the case.

Or maybe you aren't telling us everything, and the answer might not be so simple.

OrderMoreMoney · 2016-12-03T23:58:08+00:00

Some people need more alone time than others. My boyfriend is working in another city and we talk once or twice a week at most. I don't mind because when we don't spend so much time together we really cherish the time we do have. And it lets me do other things with my life other than just cuddling and watching movies.

The thing is we talked about this a month into our relationship and we both feel the same way. My ex was so clingy he wanted to talk to me for 12 hours a day and constantly guilt tripped me when I wanted some time to myself because I never told him at the beginning. If you've never felt like this before it might cause some relationship issues

Class_Punk · 2016-12-04T15:01:44+00:00

But I'm having these feelings where I long to sort of have my own space.

The main thing is you should probably communicate that to him, that you have a need to have your own private space where you can be alone and recharge.

I don't really have a lot of activities outside of work, besides social events but those are typically business related

You might be an introvert. If you aren't a hardcore introvert where you need solitude, you could spend time away from him at a place like a library, or a restaurant with slow business and wifi, or take wifi from the parking lot. If your work is highly social and its draining you, then you should take your day off, or most of it to recharge, or manage your time and figure out some kind of schedule for yourself to stay sufficiently recharged. I'm an introvert and work a semi-social job, what I've learned is that you need to figure out how to get enough time alone, and manage your social actions (like too much posting online, or too emotional of posting, can drain social energy), so that you aren't overwhelmed.

jtnno · 2016-12-04T18:13:57+00:00

I was in a 2 and a half year relationship, I loved him and i still do but not the same way as when we started. When we moved in I didn't have my separate bedroom and I understand how hard it is to want to make him feel good and happy. In my experience I found out the following He will be happy when he sees you happy and I am sure you know this, Communication helped us a lot and we created boundaries meaning I could have my glass of wine in the living room while he was playing video games, watching T.V. or just resting. This works for some people I was always concerned if "he felt ok" with it. When the question was "Am I ok with this?" I am not a fan of being in a room whenever I need to relax, I found it very limiting. I felt I had to be with him after work, and on weekends. Sadly I grew apart from my friends not in distance but emotionally, I felt couldn't connect with anyone else. This tormented me for the last six months and did not give me peace. I wanted to get married and we did talk about it but no action was ever taken. After reading and doing some research within me I saw that I wanted to be with someone who simply desires to be with me not just for the sake of it but share his life at his 100%. I believe we all deserve that man. Marriage is a huge step that implies a new budget, responsibilities and we both would always find a "but" or a new challenge that limited him and me from taking any action. He felt he couldn't give me everything I "deserved" and that was the reason he said he was waiting to propose. The fact is we had everything except love. We had confused Love with habits and thought that being in the same house would somehow renew our love. The truth is only you can know his reasons for not proposing or taking a next step and that is by asking. However, don't forget to ask yourself if its this what you want. The decision is not only his to make but its your life at stake. Think about your future, and if you're not able to have any time for yourself now, that you guys aren't married yet, how will it be when you are? I understand the fear of being alone and have heard so many girls say that the right guy will come, but Ive learned that "he" wont come until I am ready emotionally, physically and stable/Firm on what I want. Write a list of your dreams, it doesn't matter if they're "old" you will find out new ones too. Make your decision on your future.

ElfFey · 2016-12-08T08:29:54+00:00

I didn't read through the comments so sorry if this has been said before. Some things you wrote really stuck out to me; in some ways, I am like you. This sounds to me like simply a personality trait.

Are you familiar with MBTI? It's a personality test, anyway, some of the types just have a different approach on things. I am an INTP. Early on when i found rpw, I read a study about women of this type in long term relationships. I remember in particular one woman who said her marriage was so successful because she had her own apartment. There is a celebrity couple that lives like this, I think it is Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter. They live in separate houses.

Anyway, I'm not saying that is feasible to afford separate residences, I'm saying that some people just need their own space. Sometimes being close with another person feels so good, but eventually I just can't take it anymore. I need to be alone. The guy I am dating now confessed to me he was worried his work schedule (full time + starting a business) would become a problem as it had in the past. I just smiled. (He is an ENTJ, my perfect match according to MBTI.) I can't really imagine living with someone and not having my own bedroom.

I used to look for an active duty military guy, because the idea of someone leaving me alone for several months is very appealing.

The best thing for me to do to sate this feeling is things that are very alone, like taking a walk in the woods at night. I don't know what will work for you, but I imagine something where you can get away from everything and connect with yourself.

Title	Relationship Fatigue?
Author	unixygirl
Upvotes	9
Comments	23
Date	December 3, 2016 7:53 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5gbd4p/relationship_fatigue/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/relationship-fatigue.86697 https://theredarchive.com/post/86697

Comments