HI! Bakerofpie brought up something that reminded me of a question that has been bouncing around the echoing chambers of my head rather like a racquetball.. all bouncy and stuff.

I come from a very affectionate family, so it's my natural state

You know. I was too. I mentioned before tactile touch is a habit of mine and I know there's specific examples I was raised with by my parents. (The hand on the leg while the other drives).

But there was also my grandparents. The deferment wasn't ever called out or mentioned (to be honest it might have been 'frowned on' by certain family members) but it was certainly there. In addition there was a feeling when you walked in the door of their house.. this feeling of warmth and love. It wasn't solely tactile in demonstration. I don't know if I could put a finger on one tangible thing. It was a conglomeration of how they interacted. They sang songs at the table, (even the dirty Scot ones I am so proud to know) Grammy was always the one to slip into the supportive role as Grandpa guided. Grandpa was known to have certain rules (that became family jokes) and opinions. Spend more than 20 minutes around him and you'd know most of them. I don't think I remember Grammy ever countering him (least not in front of us). I DO remember her saying "That's how Grandpa wants it" and it was treated as final. Granted, I will say here I had a MASSIVE biased towards doing as he liked because to put it frankly I adored the living daylights out of him and even as a child I generally didn't keep my love and loyalty a secret.

Looking back it was almost an unspoken truth so it took a lot of reflecting to realize the 'manner' in which the relationship existed.

I am not trying to emo this too much, but Grandpa isn't here now. Grammy always wore a pendant shaped like his Sargent badge (he was a cop) and number. When he was gone she had a jeweler put his wedding ring around the pendant and she now wears it constantly as I wear Betterhalf's ring on my own necklace with my pentacle. The fact both are star shaped does kinda make me smile. When it became apparent he wasn't going to be coming out of the hospital she had them place a bed next to his so they could at least spend the nights snuggled together.

The manner in which they interacted I think played on a sub conscience level of what the 'ideal' was in my head coupled with my parents mischievous nature of affection towards each other IE: Christmas gag gifts. After Grandpa was gone and seeing what Grammy went though really just clicked it into place for me.

This has already gotten long and I'm sorry, but I will say Grammy confided in me over others certain feelings of loss because I think she knows how I view relationships. Things like not being able to sleep in the bed at the house and the pendant. I was a little irked that she felt others wouldn't accept or understand the type of relationship they had. To others in the family they only saw Grammy as a highly respected attorney, a mother of 4 but not as a devoted wife as I saw her that night.

So my question is I guess the TL and don't blame you for not reading. ;) Have you had any relationship examples, maybe that you haven't realized until recently that reflected or influenced your ideal relationship that you are either in or looking for?

We have those love languages that come to mind so there maybe other ways that expression of love was seen/ demonstrated that inspired you to seek that sort of relationship for yourself. Sort of like "Oh that..I like that.. I would like to be like that to my other half."

Maybe it wasn't family. Perhaps some sort of media... TV/Movies/Books.. anything. Even examples in the negative you turned positive, like "Ok that.. I DON'T want"