Serial Dating Until Proposal

ya-moms-ya-uncle · 2020-01-08T03:40:18+00:00

This idea is often talked about in religious circles and I feel like I used to believe in this. But after some experience I honestly think the girlfriend/boyfriend stage is important as the couple enters into a special and exclusive relationship where they must prioritise each other over a number of factors. I think that this is especially good before marriage because you need to get to know this dynamic before committing to them (possibly for the rest of your life depending on your views of marriage)

lovin44 · 2020-01-08T03:37:19+00:00

Seems unrealistic. If your goal is marriage, being a girlfriend allows a relationship where you form a bond with your potential future husband, and allows a period of time where you’ll struggle, love, and experience life together prior to tying the knot. If you’re just dating around, there is no time for that serious bond to form within a committed, monogamous relationship. Also what man in his right mind would propose to a woman he’s only been dating, without ever having formed a genuine relationship with her?

Kara__El · 2020-01-08T03:51:10+00:00

I'm reading Dracula right now and just finished Little Women. That's how the women in those stories married, but I've yet to hear of anything similar in this century.

If you're not a part of some religious sect, I don't think this is a realistic plan. No one wants to marry anyone who hasn't even committed to exclusivity.

misscleanex · 2020-01-08T05:12:09+00:00

That's discussed more at length in a different subreddit.

I'm not sure about the quality of men this attracts, it's effectively the equivalent of spinning plates.

I'm totally a believer in "serial introductions" until you decide to date a man. That is, going on lots of "first dates" until you find one you want to date seriously. This worked out very well for me.

2020-01-08T07:21:01+00:00

[deleted]

teaandtalk · 2020-01-08T21:56:55+00:00

The exclusive dating period is important for vetting.

MrsChiliad · 2020-01-08T04:06:27+00:00

I’m religious, Roman Catholic, and married. I think a better alternative to that is seeing a committed relationship (girl/ boyfriend stage) as a period of discernment with the person you’re with. A committed relationship is not committing to marriage, but it also should NOT be seen as a permanent stage or as a “goal”. The goal is matrimony; finding the partner you want to spend your life with. The relationship before is for both of you to find out if you’re that person for one another.

To each their own I suppose, but I personally find it cringy to accept to be someone’s “partner” indefinitely. I understand that not everyone is religious, but getting married is much more than that; I don’t think it’s healthy to stay in a stage that is suppose to be temporary, and therefore doesn’t have all the strings attached that marriage does, for an indefinite amount of time.

On the other hand though, getting married without properly discerning is a huge mistake in my opinion, and I have a hard time believing that can be done without committing to each other in some way. That period of time needs to exist. Whether it’ll look like the normal boyfriend/ girlfriend dynamic, or more like a courtship, that is another topic. The important part is that the couple views this fase as what it is: a period of decision about the other person, and not a permanent state.

hattiehalloran · 2020-01-11T03:04:02+00:00

You can only serial date for a proposal when you are part of a small community which has vetted the people you are dating since they became teens - as well as their families. The less you know about a potential partner, the more the people around you need to know about them in order to help enforce commitment and help you make a decision.

Very few people live in strong enough communities where their options are essentially vetted for them and all it comes down to is chemistry. Even small towns no longer count since most small towns do not actually spend enough time with each other at various stages of their lives. Once someone graduates high school, they essentially become anonymous to the community and your community cannot vet them in their independent stage.

Religious and ethnic communities are usually able to do this because the communities interact with these people from birth to death and know every little detail. Your mom's best friend knows that John in the fourth pew might be handsome and traditional, but he's reckless with money and will frustrate the hell out of you for the rest of your life, whereas Dean two pews down is a little plain and quiet but wants exactly what you do and is a hard worker.

The reason small town marriages fail is because people change once they go from dependent to independent and leave the community... which almost everyone does after high school even if they stay in town. Their whole lives revolve around the job they have and their own desires. But they keep dating, and their peers from high school think they are the same person. They aren't and the changes have been hidden and unvetted by the people you share in your lives since very little time is spent with someone who is not immediately related to you is not a close friend.

Title	Serial Dating Until Proposal
Author	biancamuyis
Upvotes	8
Comments	13
Date	January 8, 2020 2:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/elmhw6/serial_dating_until_proposal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/serial-dating-until-proposal.305978 https://theredarchive.com/post/305978

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