Spinsterhood?

blondie_brownie · 2015-10-16T02:45:08+00:00

Out of curiosity, why did you post here if you've already made up your mind to be a spinster? All I'm reading is that you've tried everything, you're not to blame for the failing relationship, and you're not going to try anything else. You say you're not looking for validation, but you're also not listening to anyone's advice. The women here aren't interested in spinster-sisterhood.

fhigurethisout · 2015-10-16T01:12:53+00:00

If relationships were easy, the majority of the population would be happily married.

Go ahead and leave. He deserves a woman who truly loves him if he's this great man you are describing. Soon after you break up with him, you will realize how much you took his love for granted.

Edit: I took a peak at your posting history--it sounds like you don't respect him. You criticize and him for playing video games, not working out, not having many friends, etc. You even say he has "no real stress" (even though he has a well paying job? does this not come with stress?). He sounds unmotivated in general and, apologies, but i am suspecting you and your attitude may be a factor in that. Why not support and encourage him (not nag)? Go on a gym date with him? build him up like a girlfriend would, not a mother? You sound like a mom whining about your son in your other posts, and that is playing a huge factor in your dead bedroom.

TLDR: You criticize and don't respect who he is, you act like his mom, you take him for granted, you don't support him or even believe he's stressed out. This is why you have a dead bedroom, and this is why you are getting close to branch-swinging to the next guy who swoops you off your feet. It's quite possible he doesn't even feel desired by you, nor desire towards you if you are acting mommy-like.

here is some good reading for girl game by Ian Ironwood anyway, might lend insight: http://theredpillroom.blogspot.ca/2012/07/girl-game-gfe.html

& please check out "The Surrendered Wife" if you haven't yet.

TempestTcup · 2015-10-16T02:20:29+00:00

What you don't understand is that at 28 your youth is almost over, and your SMV/MMV is only going to get lower, I think that he can tell how little you respect him, and subconsciously he doesn't want to encourage your attitude towards him. He is biding his time.

You say in your other post that you could get laid a lot, and it's true, but how well do you think you could do as far as a relationship?

Maybe give it the old college try and seduce him non-sexually by initiating long kisses, cuddling, and even massaging his neck when he seems stressed. It seems to me that he has withdrawn from you because he can tell how much you lack respect for him and his contribution to the relationship.

He is withdrawing into video games because you aren't really that into him and you are reserved towards loving him instead of being more vulnerable and loving.

Give yourself more fully to him and maybe he will reciprocate.

Edited to say that you are contemplating spinsterhood because it would be sooooo easy and you wouldn't have to consider anyone's feelings except your own and all of your cats. Spinsterhood is a recipe for insanity: I know a lot of them.

RPhchon · 2015-10-16T21:00:52+00:00

Listen. I think this issue is more than you putting on heels and being nicer. About five years back I had an ex who was perfect. Cute, funny, kind, hugely successful, wonderful in every way. He wanted to marry me and give me a family. If I kept the house picked up and the clothes clean, I would have wanted for nothing my entire life. I broke up with him because I wasn't attracted to him. It was hard for me to accept or even recognize, because he was handsome and we had great sex. Everything was great on paper. I feel so bad for him. Luckily, he's now with someone who thinks he is really sexy, not just a great catch. And I'm with someone who is just as cute, just as ambitious, just as kind and funny, and who I am deeply and primally attracted to. Don't saddle this guy with an ambivalent bride. No matter how much you try to humble yourself, trust him, see his side, defer to him...if you don't truly want him I don't see this being a success.

As far as spinsterhood, go for it. Can't see why you'd want to live without men, but maybe that's just me.

closetrpw · 2015-10-16T15:15:20+00:00

Better to be single than with a guy you don't respect. If you're not sexually attracted to him, then what's the point? Comfort? Friendship? I think you're preventing him from finding someone who will love him the way he wants to be loved, and you're only prolonging you finding someone you are able to love sincerely and genuinely.

littleteafox · 2015-10-16T16:20:30+00:00

I agree with the ladies here suggesting you end the relationship. It sounds like you aren't in the right place for a relationship.. you need to work on yourself. I don't believe anyone can't "truly love someone", you just haven't discovered it within yourself, or found the right person for you, or haven't found the right you for that person. Regardless of SMV, 28 isn't ancient or too old to find the right partner.

schermiz · 2015-10-16T06:31:35+00:00

i think you shouldnt be comparing between life alone and life with him. the grass is always greener on the other side. :)

why not take a step back and think of how life would be without him.

NotADirtySecret · 2015-10-16T17:48:22+00:00

I'm 28 already, and so I doubt I could find another guy who loved me who I could love back.

I'm 40 and still looking for "the one." I've had one other "one" and I have no doubt I can find another one. Don't give up on yourself.

Having said that, I am also OK with being single; it's not that big of a deal.

augustbeam · 2015-10-16T01:58:51+00:00

You've already given up, so why are you here? You know what we're going to say, and if by some chance you don't, read the sidebar. You aren't a misanthrope, you're lazy and ungrateful and dreaming of some perfect man. Well sweetheart, that man doesn't exist, and if he did, why would he want someone who so freely complains and nags? This sub is about tough love and it's high time you do some honest self-reflecting and start correcting your own behavior instead of pointing out his flaws.

PhantomDream09 · 2015-10-16T02:37:35+00:00

Break up with him - he deserves to find someone that will actually love him and treat him well.

ninja_femshep · 2015-10-17T01:50:46+00:00

I'm 29, and I just met the love of my life about 10 months ago. It's certainly never too late to find a captain, but the pool is going to get smaller and smaller as time flies. Do you want to be a spinster? It's really up to you.

fixedzero · 2015-10-18T23:25:16+00:00

You're 28, not 80. It might be harder to find a husband in a year or two, but it's clearly not impossible. Plus, RPW attitudes can be brought into any relationship, regardless of how old either partner is. You're in an unhappy relationship with someone that you don't seem to love or respect. He doesn't deserve someone who is ambivalent.

You're allowed to break up and try again if you're that incompatible. It'll be harder than it was five years ago, but it's not impossible and it'll certainly be less exhausting than obsessing about being alone for the next 60 years.

cxj · 2015-10-18T02:29:53+00:00

It sounds to me like you both need the red pill. He needs it to become a better captain and you need it to become a better first mate. Unfortunately, it looks like you are both too comfortable to change, but the pain and suffering of a breakup might give you the will to fight for self improvement.

28 is no young maiden but its not too late imo. If youre willing to date like 35 to 40, you might find a late bloomer looking to settle down. The top 20 of your age is likely dating 22 year olds tho.

Popsicle666 · 2015-10-24T00:16:42+00:00

From what I've read about your man, he seems to be very selfish and needs to grow up. If, as you say, you're not nagging him, doing all the housework, giving him regular 'enthusiastic' blowjobs, and he shows no desire to reciprocate even after you telling him that you're not fulfilled, or offering to sexily coax him into the bedroom; he's not doing his part.

He's stressing about last years taxes still? Can't sleep? Working at all hours of the night? Is always stressed? Poor time management seems to be a common theme here. People who work from home need to be disciplined, work out a regular routine, and get out of the house a bit. He can't work from a library or cafe some days to have a change of scenery?

Low libido is from lack of exercise; research it. Sleep disorders are notoriously caused by computers; research that, because it seems like he is awfully fond of screen time. There's not much you can do if he isn't willing to straighten himself out. It sounds like you're a sweet SO who's been exhausting herself trying to fix something that is beyond your control.

I've foolishly submitted to a man that was clueless; instead of maturing and appreciating me, he became like a spoiled child. I sense the same is happening with you. TRP sub would tear him apart for being so negligent of his body, and his personal and professional life.

Title	Spinsterhood?
Author	ItsOnlyAFleshWound00
Upvotes	21
Comments	40
Date	October 16, 2015 12:34 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3oxg08/spinsterhood/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/spinsterhood.85681 https://theredarchive.com/post/85681

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