Struggling with communication

SunshineSundress · 2022-12-11T12:36:01+00:00

we’ve been dating a couple weeks now

I use the stfu method

No. This is wrong. STFU is for when you are in a long term relationship, and you do it to stop yourself from picking unnecessary fights over inconsequential things when you are in a bad mood or to not say something you know you’re gonna regret later because you are certain you chose an stand-up man that you’ve vetted carefully for already.

It is NOT for women who have just started dating their boyfriends, and who should still be vetting RUTHLESSLY for compatibility and whether or not he has the character required to be someone who you can trust to LEAD you. That’s not something to be given away willy nilly.

A lot of women here will tell you that all red pill men are toxic, or bad, or just not suitable for RPW to date. I don’t necessarily think that is true and have seen a few endorsed TRP men in satisfying and healthy LTRs, but I AM sure that not ALL red pill men are going to be good captains just by virtue of knowing what the red pill is. Especially the ones who don’t know rule #1 about fight club: don’t talk about fight club, (particularly with someone you just started dating 🤦‍♀️), and especially those who don’t understand how to translate those red pill male-centric viewpoints into something that is digestible and persuasive for women.

He reads like a noob because he can’t stop parroting what some podcaster has told him. This doesn’t mean that the red pill is gonna make him into a bad guy, or that he doesn’t have the potential to be a good captain in the future, but it does mean that he is still too early in his TRP journey to fully grasp how to talk to, deal with, and handle women, and there will be A LOT of growing pains. Is it worth it? The early days are when your relationship should be its easiest, because everyone is on their best behavior. If you are ALREADY struggling with communication, what do you think will come down the line?

Also, even though it’s easy to pass this situation off as completely his fault, take the time to examine your questionable beliefs as well.

I want to feel cared for and loved. And I want my emotions and the way he makes me feel to matter. I’m hoping that he learns to treat me like the precious goods that I am.

You are allowed to want whatever you want, but at the end of the day, no one owes you anything. Even I cringed when I read this, and I want the exact same things as you do, like any other woman! The thing is, it doesn’t matter to anybody else what you want, or how precious you regard yourself as. Your job in the dating market is to inspire a man to want to do those things for you, and to do things that make him view you as precious. You do this by bringing to the table what almost all men look for in women.

If a consistent problem in your dating life is that no man wants to take care of you, or that no man treasures you, then there is only one common denominator: you. If this is the case (and I’m not saying it is, but it was for me when I started my red pill journey), then you’re in luck. The side bar and wiki is an entire encyclopedia of girl game and is a wonderful guide to inspiring men. I used it, turned my love life around, and have been with the man of my dreams for years now thanks to it. But the first thing I had to do was address my own warped expectations and views, and learn what to bring to the table.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2022-12-11T16:50:18+00:00

Two weeks in is way too early to struggle with this stuff. But it's also too early (imo) to say stuff like

I told him I'm a feminine woman and as a woman he's pursuing he has to talk to me differently than anyone else in the world.

He doesn't HAVE to. You want him to. Of course you want to feel loved, precious, cared for, but these things develop over time, and not because they get demanded.

Do you like him and the way he treats you? You sound contemptuous (and yes, he sounds absolutely insufferable). Don't stay with him in hope he will change.

At the same time, take a hard look on your expectations and what you bring to the table. No one owes you super-duper-special treatment just because you're not like a "modern woman". You sound a bit like "I'm feminine, so I am ENTITLED to this and that" - no. Femininity is YOUR tool to get what you want, not someone else's burden and obligation.

You can't DEMAND love and care - that's a good way to kill them before they even have a chance to grow. You can only inspire and nurture them.

Careless_Junket_6224 · 2022-12-11T17:19:58+00:00

That’s a ridiculously short amount of time to already be dealing with lack of communication. You are in the honey moon period and your bf is being a dick to you, why are you tolerating it?

Jenneapolis · 2022-12-11T18:52:21+00:00

2 weeks? How many dates do you even have with someone at 2 weeks, maybe 2 or 3 with some texting? You sound too deep into someone you don’t know yet. Vet, vet, vet!!

free_breakfast_ · 2022-12-11T20:15:58+00:00

He knows that women are emotional, and has said things that hurt my feelings. He told me tonight he doesn't care about my feelings. I think he's seen so much content of men like Andrew Tate being overly masculine and short when talking to women that he's adapted it to how he talks to me.

Do you feel this red pill content is hurting men to a point that they lack empathy towards women?

So Andrew Tate is a random minor celebrity who likely has read much of The Red Pill from what I can tell by watching a few of his original youtube videos. I highly doubt he's an endorsed poster and if he is, it's likely under a pseudonym.

Andrew teaches what /u/Whisper, one of the TRP and core RPW founder, calls indifference game (vs control game).

Indifference is the key element of most of the game we teach here on TRP, and Chad serves as a good exemplar of it. But indifference game is not the only type of game, this is where Chad gets in trouble, because indifference game is the only kind of game Chad has.

It's neat that RP is becoming slightly more mainstream, but only the sensationalized parts of it are being emphasized while the other elements that the original founders included and wrote about are being lost in the translation or is simply being not included.

Rollo Tomasi, Whisper, Ian Ironwood, and many other manosphere writers all had long term relationships of some sort that were happy and sustaining. I highly doubt that they're lacking in the empathetic skill sets that healthy and fulfilling relationships require.

Some-Air9775 · 2022-12-11T13:24:50+00:00

This is the issue with learning things online. Knowledge is not wisdom. He sounds like he needs to mature. It is not helpful to weaponize the information to get people to behave how you want them to. *It doesn’t work like that. A lot of people do this. To me, it’s simple. If you don’t like how he talks to you and he doesn’t see the issue he’s not going to change because you want him to… maybe he isn’t the one for you.

*edit

SplenduhP0py · 2022-12-11T14:45:36+00:00

You are not wrong and he sounds very lost so he is grasping to what he has read. Emotions are valid along with logic.

To be honest I don’t have helpful information on how you should proceed, but I don’t think you should put up with it, especially so early in the relationship. Stfu method is like keeping quiet about the dishes he forgot to rinse knowing that he been stressed recently, not about what your talking about.

charlene19 · 2022-12-11T12:25:46+00:00

It sounds like he’s being disrespectful. If he’s making you feel bad or unsafe to openly share, even when he claims that he wants you to, he is gaslighting. If you choose to ignore it, you will permit this behaviour. I personally wouldn’t waste any more time with this person.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-11T12:04:50+00:00

Title: Struggling with communication

Full text: I've been struggling to communicate with my very masculine bf. We're the same age (27) and we've been dating a couple weeks now.

He uses regurgitated redpill podcast content as responses to my questions. He knows that women are emotional, and has said things that hurt my feelings. He told me tonight he doesn't care about my feelings. He debates with me like I'm a man or a "modern woman". I think he's seen so much content of men like Andrew Tate being overly masculine and short when talking to women that he's adapted it to how he talks to me.

I told him I'm a feminine woman and as a woman he's pursuing he has to talk to me differently than anyone else in the world. I want to feel cared for and loved. And I want my emotions and the way he makes me feel to matter.

I use the stfu method because I can sort through most of my emotions alone, but he told me to tell him if there's any problem I have. Yet in doing so I'm met with so much rationale and lack of empathy.

I'm hoping that he learns to treat me like the precious goods that I am.

Am I wrong at all in this situation? Do you feel this red pill content is hurting men to a point that they lack empathy towards women?

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sunglasses90 · 2022-12-11T17:04:01+00:00

You’re not wrong, and yeah it definitely can lead to lack of empathy for women. Just like redpill women is meant to teach you things about the other gender and how their brains work and give you tools to navigate relationships in a productive way redpill men content should do the same thing for a guy. However, people can get lost in it and go extreme causing them to totally lose sight of their goal. It’s easy for men to just blame women for all of their problems just like it’s easy for feminists to blame men for all of their problems.

It’s sounds like he’s somewhat unhealthy right now and not ready to be a man yet. Maybe this is a phase he needs to go through and maybe he’ll learn from it and come out fine, BUT you don’t have to put up with any behavior or talk that causes you distress. Especially not this early in the relationship. Remember your worth and what you want in a man.

If it were me I’d give it a little more time to see if I could direct him to the right path. But I’m not wasting a year on this guy if he’s going to continue to treat you like a man or dumb feminist or whatever.

“I’m not going to debate with you. That’s not what I’m here for. Remember a relationship is a unified front. It shouldn’t be you v. Him.”

If he’s not interested in contributing to the relationship then he’s not the guy for you.

CountTheBees · 2022-12-11T20:44:57+00:00

he told me to tell him if there's any problem I have. Yet in doing so I'm met with so much rationale and lack of empathy.

Show, don't tell. Be vulnerable in the moment rather than logical afterwards. Show him how his actions impact you as soon as something happens.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2022-12-11T21:02:18+00:00

Serious question to the other commenters here, not OP - Who is advising STFU to redpill women? The explanations for the purpose of STFU that I always hear are explicitly for men. In contrast, it doesn't seem to fit well in a feminine toolbox. Men don't respond to silence the way women do.

Are people saying STFU when they mean "not nagging", ie, there's a different definition of "STFU for women" vs. "STFU for men"? Or is someone advising STFU, in the same sense men are advised it, to women?

jtucker69 · 2022-12-11T22:18:10+00:00

> I told him I'm a feminine woman and as a woman he's pursuing he has to talk to me differently than anyone else in the world.

> I'm hoping that he learns to treat me like the precious goods that I am.

> He debates with me like I'm a man or a "modern woman".

This is pretty funny, thanks for the laugh OP. Sounds like you want a doormat who will cater to your "precious" needs

Title	Struggling with communication
Author	AlarmingArtichoke296
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	December 11, 2022 12:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/zipeyo/struggling_with_communication/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/struggling-with-communication.1144328 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144328

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