Tips for first time daters?

aster0idB612 · 2016-09-15T22:55:17+00:00

I would've told my 19 year old self "There are a lot more men interested in you thank you think.". Seriously though, I used to be so insecure and tried so hard to impress them. If I had a bit more confidence I would've been able to be a lot more stress free. As far as dressing for a date - I would dress up, but I think my main takeaway is you don't have to look 100% perfect. Being comfortable is a lot more important.

Best dates I've had were ones where it felt like I was hanging out with a friend. So treat it that way. You're doing something fun with a friend, but here is romantic potential.

As far as how to react when guys try to escalate things, what do you want? Are you interested in them?

rproller · 2016-09-16T00:57:35+00:00

I've noticed that guys I've dated in the past liked it when I've made comments like, "Oh I've never done/been/eaten <activity/place/food> before!" It gives them a chance to "show you the ropes" and take the lead. It sets the tone for the kind of relationship you want to foster--he leads, you follow.

When my SO took me on our first date, he asked me what food I had never tried before--probably for this reason! (In case you're wondering, it was Korean BBQ. He did all the meat-flipping and fed me the particularly delicious bits :) )

VigilantRedRooster · 2016-09-15T23:23:37+00:00

Here are some tips I gave someone with a similar question. I have an article on this topic in the planning stages. Also check out the three-part vetting men article in the sidebar.

with regards to strategies to meet, socialize on date #1, #2, etc

It's always a good idea to meet online dating prospects early, in a brief, noncommittal way, at a VERY public and safe place. This saves investing weeks or more, only to have a record scratch moment when you meet. A smoothie or ice cream place is good. Plan to only meet for 15min, and mayyyybe let it stretch up to an hour if you really hit it off, but do cut it short and plan an official first date.

The first few dates should be conducive to getting to know each other, where you can talk and interact; avoid 100% immersive things like the movies. Plan to meet, remain, and part in public until you know him well enough to decide you want to be in private with him.

Low or no cost early dates are a smart plan for both parties. Park, nature center, walking trail, entertainment district etc. Meals are nice, usually on the 2nd and later date. Going dutch is something some people like to do. Splitting every transaction can be annoying and burdensome, I like an alternating system. One buys smoothies, other drives, first pays parking, other admission, first buys lunch, other refreshments, first dinner, other drinks etc.

topics I should talk about/ask him about/avoid all together

Family, work/school, goals and plans for the future, light current event topics are all standard. Avoid vapid topics like celebrities, heavy things like disasters, conspiracy theories etc; tread carefully as always around religion and politics.

What ideal qualities to look for that show that he is likely to wait for sex, and possibly marriage and ultimately have kids?

Look at how he treats others, especially those "beneath" him such as servers, clerks etc; see how congruent this is with his self-descriptions to you. If your goals are sex only in a committed relationship, marriage, and kids, these should be mentioned upfront in a dating profile; in any case VERY early in the getting to know process. (There's a big difference between communicating reasonably but upfront that you are a marriage-minded woman, and making the guy think you want to pick out bridesmaid dresses on the first date.)

Does his employment/unemployment and income matter? Should I ask about his previous relationships, marriage, kids

Absolutely, yes, yes, and yes. All of this is legitimate information that people seeking a long-term mate need to know. The key is to do it in an environment of mutual self-disclosure, not in a quiz-show fashion with you doing all of the asking.

"I've never been married or had kids, how about you?"

if he's had a criminal record? Granted, some people will lie... so should I do a background check done prior to date #1?

Slow down, turbo. Maybe by the second date you should know if you want to go further enough to warrant deeper digging. I always practice google-fu on candidates. You'd be surprised what the county inmate records spew out; not to mention how many people have the same first and last name so be careful how you interpret any particular nugget if intel.

What yellow and red flags to be aware of and avoid, and how to date safely, and the dynamics of the dating process.

ALWAYS meet in a public place. My friend met a guy from POF once, he parked next to her and rolled down his window and in a creepy Hannibal Lecter voice said, "Hello Clarise!" causing her to start the car and leave. Unfortunately, red flags aren't always this obvious. If there is a difference between his words and body language, the body language is usually truthful; frequent incongruence is a red flag. Insecurity, angry about or not over ex, demanding, overbearing, secretive, tempramental, disrespectful to you and others are solid red. Yellow flags might include punctuality, eye contact, lack of future orientation.

GrowlingBears · 2016-09-15T23:18:58+00:00

You're going to be awkward no matter what, everyone is. Try to not escalate awkwardness into anxiety thereby creating a problem that the man will try and solve. This is bad. This kills the date.

Rommel0502 · 2016-09-16T04:46:02+00:00

My best advice to any young women beginning dating -

N only goes in one direction, and once achieved, no amount of praying or wishing will ever change that. Further, as your N goes up, your SMV goes the other direction in almost lockstep.

Long story short - you give yourself to a man, you'd better make damn sure he's worth it, because in one way or another he will be a part of your worth for the rest of your life.

Boygzilla · 2016-09-15T23:36:38+00:00

Just know you'll most likely date many people before you find "the one", so do your best not to treat any person you do date as anything special. Sounds callus, but it's true. With that in mind, treat every date as an opportunity to have fun, get to know someone, get to know yourself. Go in without expectations and just aim to enjoy yourself. It'll help you before, during, and after the date.

One more thing I'll add: as a guy, I can say an awkward, inexperienced isn't the end of the world. Guys are much more forgiving in that respect. When I was learning out to date, being a nervous, anxious guy was almost unilaterally a turn off to the girl.

nonthaki · 2016-09-16T13:01:41+00:00

If you were unable to find an alpha guy, Dont fish for any other guy you can get and keep that guy emotionally invested . Be honest with what you are looking for and tell the guy what you want . Most of the times , this will weed out the guys you dont want . If you find a guy worth a relationship , maybe you need to look past the 1st or 2nd initial dates of testing and weeding though .

Also , always remember , you are not Queen Elizabeth . Don't have that mentality where you play it cool , and wait for the guy to come do everything and make you feel confident for you to start reciprocating in the relationship . Do this , and You will end up like some of the girls here and in 2XChromosomes .

And Remember , you are 19 . You r not going to die if you dont find a guy at this age .

MajorLeagueMagick · 2016-09-16T14:50:37+00:00

Some people here already gave really good advice, so I'll just add an example of someone you don't want to date twice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfR1TwosYQg

M_riane · 2016-09-16T22:08:33+00:00

Advice to my 19 year old self: 'Don't be scared of guys. They're just people. You can never go wrong with being friendly. Don't underestimate the effect you have on guys. If a guy shows interest, he's interested. Your shyness can be interpreted as standoffishness so act more open. You're not as ugly as you think. Get a better haircut asap. Don't be so serious. Enjoy yourself.'

Title	Tips for first time daters?
Author	pinkdrawings
Upvotes	14
Comments	16
Date	September 15, 2016 10:32 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/52ytv7/tips_for_first_time_daters/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/tips-for-first-time-daters.86479 https://theredarchive.com/post/86479

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