Trust in relationships

lSquaredD1 · 2018-06-27T07:19:21+00:00

Do you trust your partner?

I do now.

Did you always trust them?

Initially, I didn't. But, as I've written here before, he went above and beyond any reasonable expectation by taking me to London for the Olympics in 2012 as our 3^rd date and not leaving me when I found a lump on my breast a few days after the closing ceremony.

How do you work on trusting your partner more? What are some things you do to help you when you're feeling uncertain/insecure/worried? Are there areas where you feel more or less trust? For people who (perhaps rightfully) don't trust their partner in a certain area, how do you deal with that?

I have a diary of my cancer treatment in which I wrote that he checked out every cancer book at the local library, scheduled coffee with top European doctors and would take my file to show them, etc. When I feel that I don't trust him (and sometimes I have my doubts), I review the diary, and it reassures me that he didn't leave me at my worst.

stacysmom40 · 2018-06-27T13:14:20+00:00

I do trust my husband.

I have always trusted him to the extent that I was capable. (I was raised with some very negative messages about men. I also had a few scoundrels in my immediate family who reinforced those messages. I’m damaged from that but I do my best to keep my husband separated in my mind.)

We are both very open with our devices and accounts. I could log on to his email or social media right now and read anything I could find. I can log in to his bank account or credit card account and see where he is spending every dollar. He could do the same for me. This is born of laziness, convenience, and lack of concern - not because we lack trust. I can’t recall “snooping” on him since very early in our relationship. We also have Life360. We got it for my daughter so I could track her phone and he signed up as a way to avoid having to text me “on my way home” every day so I could time dinner accordingly.

So, to rewind a moment, I did snoop early in our relationship. The guy I was serious with prior to my husband was a liar. I’m not saying he lied to me. Probably he did. Probably he also cheated. I never caught him red handed. There was always a shadow of a doubt. I do know that he lied to everyone else. I watched him lie to people about nonsense for no reason. It was clearly pathological.

That relationship, on top of my upbringing, left me a bit neurotic. I snooped early. Found nothing of consequence. Admitted to the snooping, apologized and explained myself. He responded by giving me full access to his phone whenever I was feeling uncomfortable. He said he had nothing to hide and if I needed to see it to believe it, that was fine with him. That moment was when the last scrap of concern I had about him disappeared. I trust him completely. I’m not sure if I ever asked to see his phone after that day.

shecantstayaway · 2018-06-27T12:01:43+00:00

This is something I'm currently working on. I trusted my ex-husband endlessly, I really wanted to believe that he lived his life in a way that was thoughtful and respectful of me. But every few years he would find some woman on a school or business trip and have a "relationship" with them - as far as I know it would only be e-mails and texting after the trip was over, I believe him that nothing physical ever happened, but the betrayal was real. Over the course of our 9 year marriage I can count 4 women he was emotionally involved with, often he took his unhappiness and dissatisfaction with our marriage to them, like they would feel sorry for him or something. The most hurtful part was that he also didn't trust me and often accused me of indiscretions, even though I was always 100% faithful to him in every way. We were absolutely "bound together by love and fear" as you said.

Anyway, trust is a struggle with my new boyfriend. I have a hard time because I was incredibly hurt over and over by my ex. The cell phone and computer is a "trigger" (I hate that word but for lack of a better one....) for me because that's how I found out that my husband was involved with other people. I see my new BF on his phone sometimes and I have to remind myself to give him the benefit of a doubt and remind myself of the facts: my new SO he hasn't done anything to make me distrust him, as far as I know he's been honest and trustworthy to me, so I have no reason not to trust him. I can't guard my heart so much that I miss out on connection and intimacy with a new person. It's a challenge, and I'm learning how to get comfortable with it.

girlwithabike · 2018-06-27T17:43:51+00:00

Trust may be the difference between an RP relationship/marriage and a BP one (IMO). At heart, I think that people who worry about equality in relationships fear trusting their partner. The feminist idea of wanting but not needing a man also contributes to this lack of trust. Because why trust him if you can trust yourself?

And there are always stories to back up why you shouldn't trust another person so it's very easy to justify.

Or maybe I'm just projecting.

Do you trust your partner?

Yes

Did you always trust them?

Yes and no. I always followed him and ultimately deferred to his judgement. I often did it with some kicking and screaming (metaphoric not literal) and only after thinking through everything to make sure it made sense to me. Then I did what he wanted anyway. I thought this was to protect myself and I was always a little worried that he was going to find some reason to leave. That worry kept me from fully committing to the relationship for a long time.

How do you work on trusting your partner more?

Now I just do. It's not work. Marriage certainly helps. RP makes a huge difference. I wish I had advice here but I think it's maybe just a choice. I know he's smart and I know he'll take responsibility for our stuff if things go badly. I don't envy him that position, so I can argue but if I don't want to be in charge (which I don't) then I just need to trust him to be and that's sort of all there is too it.

What are some things you do to help you when you're feeling uncertain/insecure/worried?

In this order: be sullen for a day, hash it out with my bff, talk to my husband.

Title	Trust in relationships
Author	KittenLoves_
Upvotes	22
Comments	15
Date	June 27, 2018 7:08 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8u7jd9/trust_in_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/trust-in-relationships.67420 https://theredarchive.com/post/67420

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