So, I ended up having a crush on a co-worker of mine. A group of people went for drinks after work and I noticed he was among them so I tagged along. We didn’t really talk to each other much while everyone else was around but at the end of the night it was just the two of us, and the sexual tension in the air was invigorating. He invited me back to his place, but I deflected by saying he’d have to take me out to dinner sometime. (He said “Yeah I don’t do that,” which I wanted to take as a challenge.)

Only a few days later, his grandma had a health crisis (/ended up passing away) and he had to leave town. The night he came back he texted me and said he really needed company. I brought some food, snacks and beer and when I got there, he was outside smoking and his eyes were puffy, so I pulled him into a hug and let him talk about the experience, but I didn’t really have much to say in response, having never lost a loved one really.. I just listened until finally he had nothing left to say, and we sat in silence for a bit, and he invited me inside. I wanted to spend more time with him and make sure he was OK so I said sure and followed him in. He proceeded to press me against the wall in an intense kiss, I was seeing stars afterwards.. but immediately felt kind of odd, like maybe a first kiss being right after such a heavy/sad kind of moment is a bad thing. Still, I was feeling like a dizzy schoolgirl and so when he led me to his bed, I just followed without question. We snuggled and talked a little more about “normal” things, and then he kissed me again, and I just didn’t have a protest left in me when things escalated. I stayed the night, and in the morning we traded off massages, and then he walked me to my car.

This was all about four months ago, give or take. Since then, I have more or less become an affectionate “friend with benefits,” I guess. I’m not proud of it, but he is incredibly attractive and I thought there was no harm in indulging since the “barrier” had already been broken. I like snuggling and talking and watching cartoons, and yes, having sex with him.. it’s like a “girlfriend” fantasy playing out but I still haven’t gotten confirmation that we are exclusive, or gotten him to go out on a real date, or anything like that. I guess I got caught up in the “feeling” of being his girlfriend without actually being it, and now I’m hooked on the idea of it but uncertain that it will ever be something he would be interested in, especially given the way things have already been.

Not sure how to navigate this one— cut my losses and try again elsewhere, or find some way to push for exclusivity?