Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 03/14/2016

fhigurethisout · 2016-03-14T22:24:16+00:00

here’s some self-reflection over lunch break..

Good:

taking vitamin stack daily and eating really well
physical activity and gym 6 out of 7 days of the week
no anxiety still, no caffeine
studied and focused for longer periods, up to five or six hours
my partner is coming back tomorrow from India. So, so so so so so excited. cooking dinner for him with his mom tonight and I’ll pick him up tomorrow afternoon. :)
I had a camping/hiking trip on the weekend with my girl friends and was really well prepared. managed to do some strenuous climbing with my boyfriend’s massive backpack (probably weighed 30+ lbs with everything in it). i also experienced a deep, sincere appreciation for my boyfriend who usually comes with me and makes camping so much smoother. it was so hard setting up everything and packing everything without him. i managed, but wow, I noticed how much he does on our camping trips and I am so so so grateful.
stayed off reddit and distracting websites. feeling in control of the amount of time i spend on social media (hardly ever went on!)
more mom drama BUT i did not get involved and successfully kept my emotions out of it. trying to be supportive of sister who is getting dragged into it

Not good:

i’m noticing that i’m a control freak in friendships still. I was too know-it-all over the weekend with our camping trip, since i’ve done it a few times and it was their first time. i kept correcting them in something that might have been an annoying way. of course, some of it was necessary (no food in your tent in canada…bad recipe with bears around)…but other times i was just unnecessarily correcting. I think i correlate my identity too much with ‘knowing’ stuff cause i do a lot of research, but i gotta learn to shut up.
Said yes to too many commitments, so i’m definitely short on time and have had zero time for self-care.
i am judging my friends too much!! they’re lovely girls. they have a different view of the world. they’re feminists still though and i let it affect my mood sometimes. they don’t disagree with me when i talk about men’s rights, but some of the things they say can just be outrageous. It’s so so so hard not to judge my best friends at times and I really want to work on letting this feeling go. they're not the worst type of feminists you could find, they don't sleep around, they're generally good girls...they just have the wrong idea and that is none of my business.
became a little sour on the way up the hill, my backpack was super heavy. trying to have the mental willpower to stay positive during those sort of situations (there are worse problems in the world than carrying a heavy backpack up a mountain lol)
already whining that I have to do a lot of organizing for my friend's baby shower :s the girls are turning it into this super extravagant affair that is gonna be hard on my budget too. But I CHOSE to help, jeez, complaining about it is stupid. I just have to deal with it and get through a day at a time and enjoy what I can

in general:

less judgement towards my girlfriends. less “know-it-all” talking. appreciate what good friends they’ve been in the past and let that guide my behaviour around them…don’t let the feminist brainwashing bother you, this is the way the world is and you can’t control that
keep staying off reddit/distracting sites and be diligent with assignments
give boyfriend a warm welcome home and genuinely express your appreciation somehow. seriously this man is amazing and I missed him so much when I was camping

fhigurethisout · 2016-03-15T13:45:14+00:00

good

This week I spent it practicing giving love freely and appreciation just as freely. I had no idea the impact it could make to just say "thank you" and "I appreciate all you do for me" can make on a person. I said it to my SO, my yoga instructor, my sponsor, my daughter, and even to my officemate. It really made their day.

I also am still practicing saying 'yes' to everything and it makes for some interesting opportunities in my life. I really like being positive with a lot of situations so this has taken it to another level.

So I did something I never do. I apologized to someone that I never apologize to. She wasn't right and I didn't do it for any one particular reason than to just take the high road. That was so hard for me.

Finally, I have settled into a routine. It allows for flexibility but it is structured enough to keep me sane.

Bad

I realize that I still can't let go that I have this one friend who I need to cut out of my life. She is just so negative all the time and when I talk to her I get so aggravated and she just doesn't want to get any better. I feel bad cutting her out of my life because it almost feels like I'm being selfish. She was the only person who was there for me when I was miserable but really was that only because misery loves company? We both spent a lot of time bitching and whining about how men suck and since I've changed my views on a whole bunch of things I just don't feel like I can connect with her anymore. I think I need to think about this more.

fhigurethisout · 2016-03-14T23:23:50+00:00

The Good:

SO is about to make some big financial decisions and I just keep assuring him that I trust him to do whatever is right for our family
I've managed to include steamed vegetables with our lunch everyday for over a week

The Bad:

SO is having conflict with a family member right now, and I need to remind myself more often that he doesn't like to be touched when stressed out or mad. This is hard because we are typically very touchy

The Ugly:

My grandma passed away. The world lost a wonderful RPW woman :(

llaym · 2016-03-15T09:45:23+00:00

The good

I'm starting to really grasp that I - and only I - have the sole responsibility for my own happiness and that I have to prioritise my self care every day and cannot depend on SO for my happiness and good mood
I'm doing a lot more activities with the kids and as a bonus have deeper conversations with them
Reading The Surrended wife

The bad

I'm having trouble accepting/not getting annoyed by some of my SO's acquired alpha behaviour. I try to focus on all the good consequences that him finding RP has had. But I'm really struggling with certain of these behaviours. I hope studying TSW extensively will help.
Workout continues to be once a week, my goal is three times pr week.
We might have the opportunity to buy the house we are leasing (a dream come true for me) but we need to initiate contact with the owner and I'm sooo impatient. I need to trust SO that he will lead and do his best but it's hard not ask about the proces/plan.

Edit: layout

LaPrimaVera · 2016-03-15T12:22:26+00:00

My work has been crazy lately as my responsibilities have increased. Thankfully I have a wonderful friend at work who is helping me out until my boss gets back and we can reassess the more menial tasks that are taking up sooo much of my time.
My man has seen the amount of stress work has been causing me and has picked up a lot of the slack at home - I am absolutely greatful for this but I can't help feeling guilty when I come home and my jobs around the house have been taken care of.

My goals for the week; I am trying to accept that I cannot do it all and have to take help that is offered to me. So I am focusing on being able to graciously accept help. I also figure this is the perfect time to look at super quick and easy healthy meals, so I'm giving the slow cooker and one pan meal recipes I've saved on pintrest a workout.

ragnarockette · 2016-03-15T18:34:11+00:00

THE GOOD

I've stopped unloading all my dieting/weight loss problems onto my fiance. He doesn't need to know that I just gave in and ate three hershey's kisses, or that I don't feel like working out or that I gained 0.2 pounds. Ultimately my fitness journey is about me. Major revelation: As long as I look good and am healthy, he doesn't care!

THE BAD

Work is crazy because we have a big event all week and so I won't be home much, can't cook dinner, etc. I hope he enjoys the time to decompress.

THE UGLY

I'm paranoid that I might be pregnant. We use 2 forms of BC, so its unlikely but I worry still. We are NOT ready for that.

fhigurethisout · 2016-03-17T08:51:59+00:00

Reprise and reflection on my concrete actions for the past week:

Do not question SO's decisions (STFU): I've noticed that my 'bossy' reactions to him are definitely highly related to my own mood. I tend to be more questioning when I am a) not practicing enough self-care, b) stressed out, have too much work
Keep up the clean-it-right-away mentality: I am slowly integrating this and making it a 'mental' habit
Practice yoga and go for a run at least three times each: I have a training plan and try to do yoga on non-running days. The yoga part, I need to pay more attention to
Better portion control foodwise: I've been making progress there and am fairly excited about weight loss and my increasing fitness level. My confidence has risen and it feels great

Bad:

In the evening, I am always so tired. Whenever I sit down, I seem to lose all of my energy. It isn't very attractive. I've noticed, though, that if I use the momentum (cooking, cleaning afterwards, chatting, working out, etc. etc.) I can remain active longer
I want to be a better listener. Especially when I have a lot on my mind, I tend to focus inward

Ugly:

SO and I had a major disagreement that wasn't solved until the next day because I kept feeding my own fears and refused to look at things from his perspective. All's well now, but I should learn to be more empathic, grateful and accepting of the love I'm given. (He knows how to handle me in these situations so well, bless him)

Concrete actions: remain active during the evening (clean-it-right-away! more yoga!); practice more self-care, take my time to relax from a busy day and ease into the evening; practice being a better listener, not only towards my SO but also towards colleagues; appreciate the good, don't focus on the bad

Littleknownfacts · 2016-03-14T22:57:03+00:00

The Good:

I took a month off from posting here because I found myself getting to emotional about the topics and not being on "the right" side. So I took some time off to stfu and observe. I think it really helped me to watch what mods and the endorsed women were saying without having to insert my opinion. But I'm glad to be back to participating.

The Bad:

I took some time off from my exercise routine due to a cold. And I'm having a difficult time ramping things up. It's amazing to see how much endurance I've lost in only two weeks. But I'm fighting for it.

Just before I took my break from RPW I noticed that I started doing that not-so-innocent second guessing my SO. It would be "are you sure you don't wanna do this instead?" Or "are you sure that [insert what I want to do] isn't better?" Of course he's damn sure! I'm just trying to get him to do what I want without being pushy, but I'm being manipulative instead. I've been making an active effort to to simply state whatever my preference is, "I'd like this", and then stfu. It's been working pretty well so far.

Nothing too ugly this time around!

springchicken28 · 2016-03-16T05:23:04+00:00

Good:

Biting my tongue a lot more efficiently when it comes to disagreeing with my husband for no reason

Had an enjoyable long weekend away with my husband and kids without any fighting or blow ups (a big improvement on our last holiday)

Bad:

Need to get back to the gym after far too many days vegging out and making excuses
Need to get back on my low carb, low sugar eating so that I feel happy and energetic again
Need to get cracking on a few self help books I want to download to start bettering myself further and working on a few mental health issues that make it harder for me to be an excellent and "on top of everything" wife
Need to add another hobby or two to my list

The Ugly:

None that I can think of :-)

[deleted] · 2016-03-16T06:29:25+00:00

Okay, time for some honesty!

The good:

Some great STFU-ing.
Lots of cooking for huscat!
We found a church that seems nice
was a lot more careful with my words after some incidents (see below)
Bought bicycles for riding!

The bad/ugly: (there is a lot of this, excuse the wall of text!):

I made a really mean comment to huscat. It was thoughtless and intended as a joke, even though I know he dislikes being teased about a couple of things, and I hurt his feelings/broke his trust in me/was disrespectful. He mentioned how surprised he was that I'd say something like that, and that it was unacceptable. I apologised, but it'll take time to earn back his trust in me to be supportive and respectful in all things. I'm still not sure what prompted me to make it - it was regarding a change to his workout routine, so maybe I'm feeling a bit of dread? Especially as I failed at good eating/exercise last week. Hard to tell, but if that's it, I need to channel that feeling into self-improvement rather than being threatened and disrespectful.
I got angry with huscat after a social situation. We were having dinner with a friend of mine and her husband (he hadn't met either of them) and, before dinner, I asked if he would like to go to drinks after dinner, of if he'd prefer to go home after dinner. (He dislikes when I ask him on-the-fly, so usually he decides beforehand). He said no to drinks, but then, while we were out and about, changed his mind and decided he wanted to go for drinks, but didn't say anything to that effect. When we got home, he mentioned being disappointed that we didn't get drinks after dinner. I got SO frustrated - he was the one who told me that he didn't want drinks, but I didn't close off the option or anything - there were lots of opportunities for him to say "let's get a drink", but apparently he was waiting for me to say something as they're a couple I know and he does not. He had forgotten that he'd told me he didn't want to get drinks. I was too vocal in my frustration/disappointment - not disrespectful like the last incident, but still, frustrated and a little rude. In retrospect, it was a simple mistake, and not a big deal - we're arranging another outing with that couple soon. I made a bigger deal of it than it needed to be, and it was a conflict (albeit a small one, as I was trying to STFU) that was not necessary.
Two days of really bad eating. I was exhausted and let myself slack off. Ruined my deficit for the week even. I'm back on the horse now, and trying to be less all-or-nothing in my thinking - two days isn't great, but I've been successfully losing weight since October.

Phew! Those were the biggest things this week, thanks to anyone who got through it! It was an okay week, although those couple of bad things are the ones in the forefront of my mind.

[deleted] · 2016-03-16T13:10:00+00:00

The good: I've been doing a pretty decent job affirming my husband. I had somehow forgotten how much he loves to HEAR that I believe in him. It just takes a few words and makes a world of difference.

The bad: things have felt a little hectic and I have a tendency to start feeling sorry for myself. I am really sttuggling with this -- I've managed not to grumble out loud, but I'm kind of sulking on the inside. Its been rainy and cold, and painters are working in our apartment so I have to keep the kids out all day, and at the same time I have freelance jobs that need to get done...I realize that these are all first world problems but I notice myself really having a pity party on the inside. If anyone has any tips on how to truly overcome self-pity, please let me know!

Also: I haven't gotten as much exercise as usual. The apartment is topsy turvy because of the painters so I haven't had much space -- but that's kind of an excuse. I'm also eating badly because I've been out all day with the kids, so, diner food, and hastily prepared dinners.

PixieDelights · 2016-03-16T18:54:34+00:00

I had a great chat in IRC last week about the delegation of house work around here, and some ladies helped me out. The next day I was working on picking up sticks/limbs in the yard, he had taken the car to the mechanic. He comes home and watches me while chatting with our daughter. They started messing with her butterfly garden kit that had come in and I started feeling peeved that he was messing around and I was picking up the sticks that had fallen all winter. Remembered our chat, realized that her setting up her butterfly garden is more fun/important than some stupid old limbs that need to be picked up and I joined them. I mentioned that it was about time to mow the grass in a "It is already warm enough to have to do this?" way. Next day while I was at my mom's he called to let me know it was all mowed. Our lawn guy quit last year, so this is our first year mowing our own lawn so we had decided it would be a family out door endeavor so it was sweet of him to do it on his own.

So I was feeling good, the funk I had last week was lifted. I had a nice weekend at my mom's, came home late Saturday night and Sunday went well. The mechanic did not attach the strike plate on the car properly so it tore off when my husband picked it up, but just a little snag, we already had a car rented so we can keep it longer. Monday, they had the part in plus the part to fix the AC, they didn't charge us for the strike plate and knocked 100 bucks off the AC fix to cover having to rent a car.

Then Tuesday, everything went to hell... Work exploded and will just say that it was like herding cats. The battery in the car died and had to replace it. Luckily we still had the rental to take care of that, but it was suppose to be returned at noon and I couldn't help with that b/c of work and extending it another day was going to cost as much as the first 3 days we rented it.

I did not handle any of it gracefully. It was ugly. We had a conversation later and when he said something about not knowing what to do I truthfully told him that he was great, he was fine. It was all me, I did not react well that it is on me and I deeply apologize for it. I did catch myself once i had started and told him I didn't want to argue I needed to step back and be alone for a bit, but by then it was already too late. I really need to work on handling my emotions better on shit like that.

RPRev · 2016-03-16T19:54:20+00:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything here, but I have been reading everything!

The good:

My sex drive has come back full swing since having my baby. Before it was non existent, I was having trouble getting myself "in the mood" and I'm not a great "faker". As bad as that sounds, it's the truth.

I've downloaded an awesome workout app that gives you random workouts that are really easy to do in your own home. Butt, legs, arms, pilates, cardio, stretches, core, abs, and full body.

I've started coaching again and am really enjoying myself.

Bad:

I still don't enjoy cooking that much. I do basic meals, like pasta, chicken, roast, potatoes... but I just don't enjoy myself. I don't know what it is about me and cooking, but I've never felt a love for it.

My skin is SO DRY. I live in a very dry part of the globe, and it just sucks the moisture out of your skin.

My nails look like total crap because I keep putting off going to the nail salon, and I suck at painting them myself.

Title	Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 03/14/2016
Author	fhigurethisout
Upvotes	11
Comments	20
Date	March 14, 2016 9:54 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4afbzm/weekly_selfreflection_thread_03142016/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/weekly-self-reflection-thread-03142016.86060 https://theredarchive.com/post/86060

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