When "The Little Things" start slacking.

Logical_Insurance · 2020-02-22T16:48:57+00:00

Next time he does something that you really enjoy and find important, don't hold back on displaying your joy. Will probably come off better than just asking for it, although that isn't unreasonable either.

Maybe he got comfortable not doing it because you got comfortable not outwardly showing how important it was to you.

"It makes me feel SO GOOD when you text me when you wake up, that really made my entire morning, thank you for doing that so often. *big hug*"

akihonj · 2020-02-22T18:02:45+00:00

Why not send them to him, while you've sent it tell him your waiting for his, it might be that he thinks you aren't concerned about it and he's wondering what he's done and when the fireworks are going to kick off, he's waiting for you to start an argument.

These things can be sorted out just by speaking clearly to him, tell him it's important to you, maybe not every morning but most just to let you know he's still thinking of you because it's important to you.

Telling him, and giving him a reason why, maybe you're a bit insecure and that calms you down, maybe you just think it's important, whatever but it can't be fixed if you don't woman up and speak to him about it.

You never know though, it's most likely that he's thinking you've gone off the boil a bit and doesn't know what to do to fix it. He probably doesn't realise that it's all you want.

HB3234 · 2020-02-23T04:01:22+00:00

I noticed in a reply to another user, you wrote that you make every effort to be a doting partner and are not sure how to step it up.

However, when women give and give and give, men tend to think we are content with what they're giving us right now. When we try to give even more in an attempt to inspire back the original vigor from them, they think we are REWARDING them instead of expressing that we have unmet needs.

Is there any chance that, in your haste to be the best-gf-ever, you've taken away all of the "chase"? Without a little bit of space, there is no delicious tension in flirting. There's no urge for him to court and chase you, if he feels he has already "won". This is a challenge some women face during the early stages of marriage, others once the new relationship energy wears off.

You don't have to play petty mind games. But match his effort for a little bit. Get involved with a new hobby. Step back and see if you were being smothering instead of supportive.

baby--bunny · 2020-02-22T23:26:11+00:00

A few things to point out, as others have already given good advice.

You mention wanting to keep the honeymoon phase- which I understand, that was and is super important to me too. At the same time, life together is long, and there will be weeks, even months, where it's just not possible. I try to put in as much effort to my appearance and our household as I did at the start of our relationship. But for the last few months I've been dealing with pregnancy, sciatica, oral surgery, a UTI, so yeah I've been slacking. Sometimes shit happens and you have to accept that the fireworks and romance of the relationship are not a priority, and you just need a supportive partner. I would just gently bring it up, but also work on accepting that your expectations are just not practical for everyday life.

Also I get the pain of wanting people to do things because they want to versus because you told them too. But I realized men just don't think of some things. Like it would never occur to my man to buy me flowers, nobody in his house did stuff like that, he would just never think of it. I told him a few years ago how much I love flowers and how happy and special they make me feel. Now I get flowers for Valentine's Day and just randomly when I'm feeling down. It's not that he WANTS to buy flowers. He could care less about flowers. But he wants to make me happy, and he never knew that made me happy, now he does. Plus I don't think the things dudes do early relationship are because they WANT to ... I think they are just trying to impress us / get laid lol.

Narrow_Power · 2020-02-22T20:50:27+00:00

A man's perspective

Ask him (in a concerned tone) if of late he has been pre occupied with too much work or something that's taking up mental real estate.

If he replies no, then inform him that you need a pick me up like most ppl need coffee to keep you going through the day in the form of GM GN texts.

There needs to be equal reciprocity from your side too. When he texts or speaks your love language you need to respond with his ASAP be it hugs kisses you get the point so his brain is wired to receive his preferred reward when he texts you.

This requires 2-3 weeks of consistency That's it.

BeeRoyalty · 2020-02-22T22:43:07+00:00

I used to fret over the difference between attention/affection/gifts given by my husband because he was inspired verses the same given to me because I had asked for it. When I realized his impulse to give something I had asked for was just as precious as his impulse to give all on his own everything changed.

We are blessed to have partners willing to give us what we need. That impulse is charming, believe me, it comes from his affection. When he texts you after you ask him to it’s because he loves you just as much as when he did it spontaneously.

I don’t think you even need to worry how you mention it. You’re articulate, kind, compassionate, I’m sure you will phrase it well. You mentioned you have good communication, trust it.

Tiger_Widow · 2020-02-23T07:37:56+00:00

I am a believer in working to keep a "honeymoon period" flourishing throughout the relationship no matter the age of it.

I feel this is where your frustrations stem from.

It would be good to ask yourself why you feel wanting when your SO doesn't express thoughtfulness in the manner and ways you want (within the context of deeper needs being met).

Given what you have explained, and please don't take this the wrong way, it seems that there is a level of insecurity (abandonment?) that you're projecting on to your SO that is causing you to emphasize trivial expressions of commitment, over the more substanced indicators of LTR material. Without being rude, I dont think it's him.

I've been with my partner for 13 years and, you remind me of things I went through a long time ago.

In my experience, making relationships work requires adaptation from what you were before to what you become when coupled with another. Which can be argued is quite an arduous process involving lots of introspection and honest communication, both with the self and each other.

It is normal for what I would call the, fluffy, early stage, expressions to subside once the relationship moves from the "yes I want you" phase in to the "ok how do we tackle the world as a team" phase. And there's a different kind of love in that. A deeper kind of love and commitment, which isnt as fluffy but entirely more stable and functional.

I feel as though you're, for whatever reason, hung up on the "yes I want you" phase, while he is naturally drifting in to the "let's do this" phase. The honeymoon does end, and that's healthy.

Look within. Communicate, and orientate yourself about where you truly are, and what he means to you and your future. You already have the answer, the trick is finding it. It takes work, but I promise that it ends well.

Leeleechirps · 2020-02-23T04:28:10+00:00

You mentioned you were feeling quite lonely, that is what stood out to me the most. What has changed in your life lately ? Perhaps instead of needing more from him, you may need more time with getting in touch with your relationship with loneliness. I guarantee that If you do this, you will know exactly what you need to communicate to your husband, if anything.

StrawberryCake88 · 2020-02-22T20:53:33+00:00

He sounds tired. Did he change jobs?

Title	When "The Little Things" start slacking.
Author	Theyogithatcould
Upvotes	46
Comments	16
Date	February 22, 2020 4:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/f7uyn9/when_the_little_things_start_slacking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/when-the-little-things-start-slacking.339487 https://theredarchive.com/post/339487

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