A broken man looking for red pill guidance

BigTeaSpoon · 2017-01-04T22:14:30+00:00

Moving to be with her and changing your whole life isn't/wasn't the answer. Put yourself first. Continue working out. Enjoy or learn new hobbies. Do and learn things that improve yourself. Going through this breakup will improve yourself through the experience you've gained. Don't look at past relationships as a failure. They were not. They served a purpose and learn from them and move on. If she is entirely dedicated to you, she'll be back. But, don't wait around for it. Do you.

UndergoThoreau · 2017-01-04T22:44:10+00:00

As far as what you could have done differently, I would say this would stem from a lack of constant increase (perhaps a decrease) in the perception of your SMV on her part. Seems to me you invested heavily in her emotionally and she saw that (all the reminders you have of her are leading me to believe this). The more sexual competition for you, the more of an attraction she will have to you.If you had kept the image of having other options open (which I assume is what attracted her to you in the first place) with perhaps some female friends (you admitted to not having many friends ie less social options), then there might have been an attraction strong enough to prevent her from moving away.

However I would not be surprised if this still would not have been the case because this is the nature of women (hypergamy). They have an evolutionary capability to be able to let go of psychology trauma in a way that trumps men, due to a past history of women (being the prime psychological nurturers) having to cope with the loss of children or relationships in the event that they are taken from them. You and I don't have this capability to this degree which is why you are having more trouble that her letting go. She most likely saw this level of comfort you took in her and the lack of competition she had to face, effectively kicking in the drive to assert her independence.

One-itis is not something women look past. As more emotionally sensitive, they can smell it miles off. I would recommend looking at this as from a learning perspective and realizing that you must maintain the frame of mind allowing you to see yourself as the prize to her rather than the other way around.

The key is to know that although you and her had a "special" relationship, there are millions of women out there who you could have had equally satisfying relationships. There are a lot of bad ones but at the same time there are a LOT of good ones. Know that you had the ability to attract her, just like you will have the ability to attract an equally and attractive/special woman and use that knowledge and frame of mind to pluck out the pussy of your choosing.. I advise spinning some plates to increase your confidence and expand your selective framework.

Save the whiskey for when you make friends. Use your gym to work out so you can hike up that shit pile. And sidebar your ass off until you see the pussy mountain beyond that pile of shit.

Mistakes aren't what makes you grow. That comes from learning from those mistakes and using it to better your life.

Happy Hunting

BluepillProfessor · 2017-01-04T23:53:59+00:00

decided to move 6 hours away to become a flight attendant.

Holy shit, that's not a Red Flag. That is a women telling you as directly as she possibly can that she has lost attraction and it is over.

It became a long distance relationship

No it didn't. First, there is no such thing as a "long distance relationship" and second, she broke up with you when she moved away and never bothered to tell you. Someday you will laugh your ass off about how stupid and ridiculous you were in being unable to see it. Trust me. Been there, done that.

instinctive reaction is to hold on to any memories or anything that reminds me of her.

More than 30 years ago I had a therapist ask my pathetic crying ass if I had a picture of her. Then he told me I needed to get rid of everything that reminds me of her. It is basic cognitive-behavioral advice. Make the break. Give all of 'her' pics and whatever else to your parents for safe keeping. Again, someday you will go through those old photographs, studying the faces with an objective point of view. Not only did the memory not haunt me, I laughed my ass off when I went through that box and recall saying several times out loud (while sighing with exasperation at how ridiculous I was): "You are such a fucking dumb ass."

I'm quickly repulsed by the idea of other women.

Give it 6 months.

What should I have done differently?

Spun the 21 y/o as a plate in the same way she almost certainly spun you.

Where the fuck do I go from here?

Forward. You already know the direction. Grieving is a legitimate and well characterized process. There are well characterized steps in the grieving process that take a fairly standardized amount of time to get through.

In the mean time, study PUA. You are damn near your peak SMV as your female cohorts slam into the wall which means you can bang the bored soccer moms during the day and chase young-uns at night.

Congratulations!

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-01-04T22:45:58+00:00

I'm 32 years old and I was in a LTR for almost 3 years with a 21 year old.

Nice work. SO you started nailing her when she was 18 or 19 and you were 29-30? That's.My.Boy!

Then it hit me; she's not coming back...I couldn't possibly make her my priority knowing full well it would not be reciprocated, after all she did choose a job over me.

Pretty much.

But now I'm left wondering if there was anything I could've done to prevent this from happening.

Your SMV wasn't high enough to make her choose you over the job.

I'm wondering if there was anything I could've done (other than moving my entire life to follow her) to weather the storm and hold on to to this sinking ship.

By definition, you never want to hold on to a sinking ship, because you sink with it and drown.

It never gets easier and it is absolutely crushing.

Actually, it gets waaaay fucking easier. You're wondering "could I have done anything differently" because your pussy supply moved to another city and you have one-itis, or at least your dick has one-itis for her vag.

You need to work on Abundance Mentality and DGAF. The best thing to do is GFTOW and then keeps 2-3 plates going. When you have a chick flake on you, being able to put your dick into another girl on the regular takes a lot of the sting out.

This girl, she is special, truly the closest thing I had ever considered a unicorn.

No. No she is NOT.

My instinctive reaction is to hold on to any memories or anything that reminds me of her.

Ribbons from her hair, souvenirs of days together, the ring she used to wear, page from an old love letter....TRACES OF LOVE! LONG AGO! THAT DIDN'T WORK Out right...Traces of LURRRVE!

Srsly. Get a grip.

I want to text her and ask her if there is anything I could've done differently, but I know that's exactly what I'm not supposed to do.

Yep. And she's going to say "Moved here to be with me."

But she is such a special being to me. Serious case of ONEitis. 3 years ago I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again. How disgusted are you right now?

I'm a bit sympathetic. It's you who should be disgusted

So I'm asking you, the people who've shaped many of my beliefs and taught me so much already: how do I move on?

Sidebar, Lift, GFTOW.

What should I have done differently?

Nothing. She valued her career over you. You were right not to follow her.

Where the fuck do I go from here?

Lick your wounds, then go out and game girls. There was nothing "special" about this "unicorn". There are more just like her, you just have to go out and find them.

This is a real problem. A woman can go get laid any night she wants. Maybe not the guy that she wants, particularly, but if she wants dick in her vag, then it's going to happen. For most men, there are Pussy Acquisition Costs. When you commit, you give away your power. I had a girl flake on me recently, but my DGAF is strong, because I have other girls. She vanished, and I didn't chase her down. Now guess who is back, trying to worm her way back into my good graces? Exactly.

You are still looking at the world through blue tinted glasses. The type of "storybook love" that kids are brought up on does not exist outside of fairy tales and Hollywood films. Women do not love men the way men want to be loved. Regroup, think it through, do what needs to be done and order shall return.

jaggedlittleredpill · 2017-01-05T04:37:24+00:00

This might be unpopular advice but perhaps you should go full beta and chase after her. Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way and there's no time like the present. At this point, you've got nothing to lose but your pride.

Edit: Watch this video. It helped me when I was in the same place you are.

https://youtu.be/rycjaCG8NQE

RedEyesBlueShades · 2017-01-05T01:56:23+00:00

r-asktrp

Now that this is out of the way... We always look for what could have been done differently so the end results would be different. If not for this time, at least for next time we'll learn, or so the story goes. In reality sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent things.

Before I continue, this is NOT to say that we should not learn from and think about our experiences. We should. But sometimes there really isn't much to learn.

Leaving aside the fact that you sound like an absolute pussy, but you know that and you knew this would be the response, my 2 $c. This girl is young, and young girls are just curious. I'm playing along your claim that she's almost a (khmmm) unicorn... so not necessarily curious about dick, just curious in general about "the world". They all are... some more, some less. And since she moved away to be a flight attendant, she is very likely on the "more" side. She also nudged you to join her... which suggests that she was not looking for miles of dick to ride. She'd simply dump your sorry ass in this case, very easily since you are 6hrs away.

If I'm guessing this right, your question about what could you have done is a bit like asking "How can I kill her fascination with the world?" The answer is simple, you cannot. There's nothing to learn here, painful as it may be to accept. Her curiosity would trump even the highest SMV dude on the planet.

This is for you to figure out. Just understand that some things are out of our control. TRP says "hoes gonna ho", which really falls in the same category - No matter how high your SMV, a ho will cheat. If she always wanted to see the world, there's absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent it.

What you don't wanna do: Text/call her about "what you could have done differently", because you're not a supplicating pussy. It's seriously cringeworthy.

Things to do: Find 3 plates to spin. But first go hit the gym again tonight and exhaust yourself. If gym is not enough, go for a 5m run on top. Tomorrow repeat.

Time to move on.

Wiws · 2017-01-05T06:22:18+00:00

Gotta think brother, she was like 19. A decade at that time is a big difference to her. I'm 21, and I know that at this time, all chicks think about is instagram and social status. Whether it be fake or real, you have to show some sort of value. But honestly, set yourself for a higher standard from here on out.

My mom is around your age. Date her.

Edit: that last part was a joke. Not me trying to be a dick. I seriously want her to see someone else.

boomscooter · 2017-01-04T22:17:55+00:00

Sidebar. Get reading it. Should help give you some ideas of where to start.

Bambam22bam · 2017-01-04T23:29:08+00:00

You did the right thing. You practiced self-love by choosing yourself. You should be proud of that. Keep Your head up and get to work.

seaguy87 · 2017-01-05T02:56:34+00:00

I'd like to add a few things to what others have said here. Assuming you dated her since she was about 19, seriously, man, what does a 19-year-old know about what she wants? She was purely riding on the feels without a care in the world about what you really, really wanted and when she got into her early 20s she discovered that there are things she wants to do with her life e.g see the world and get paid doing it as a stewardess. So, really, you were dating one person at 19 and then that person changed, because new options and choices were presented to her. And those choices were more appealing than you. It's as simple as that.

I know you're hurting right now. It's okay to cry and break shit to let it all out, but dude, suicidal thoughts? Please, man. I really want you to grasp this: she may have been so special and unique and fantastic but if she doesn't need nor want you, where's the value in that? She doesn't give a fuck about you. It really sounds like you've built a huge fantasy around this girl where everything she touches turns to gold and she farts rainbows -- that's why the idea of other women grosses you out. She became a stewardess, so I can imagine she's at least quite a looker. Do you also know that stewardesses are very promiscuous? She was probably already fucking other people when she moved, dude. Take heart that you didn't relocate yourself and move your life to another city only to find out that she was cheating on you. Even if she wasn't cheating, how long do you think it took for her to get new dick in her after you broke up? Her lack of remorse, guilt, or desperation over the end of this relationship is very telling -- she was probably already fucking others / couldn't wait to go and fuck others. There were no hard feelings at the end of the relationship? Yeah, right. She was having actually having hard feelings, albeit in her nether regions, if you know what I mean.

You want to ask her what you could've done differently? She's 21, what the fuck does she know? She probably doesn't even know what she wants for herself and she's just winging it, living la vida loca, carefree. Commitment is a fun-killer to her at this point.

Things you did wrong that you could improve on:

You LTR'd someone who wasn't on the same plane of understanding/commitment/maturity as you were. She should have been, at best, a plate.
LTRs are a special privilege only given to someone deserving of it. It ended the moment she decided what she wanted > you.
You were not ready to take the L. You stopped holding her feet to the fire, testing her through the relationship, and making her realise that she could lose you. (Which is supposed to be the point, right, that she should desire you? Well, she doesn't.)
You overinvested on a bad investment. You paid a high price for something so lacking in value that you're having buyer's remorse now. The worst thing you can do now is go full tilt and ruin yourself further over this bad investment. The best thing you can do is learn from this bad choice and make better ones in the future.

Good luck, bro.

jayhawkkid · 2017-01-05T07:26:21+00:00

Dont despair - if you can find one, you can find another. Take the gut punch, invest in yourself, develop yourself, get happy, get healthy, and get OUT THERE AGAIN.

If you are waiting until you FEEL like doing these things it may take years. DO IT and the feelings of wanting to DO IT will return.

evilcatnap · 2017-01-05T09:54:59+00:00

What could you have done differently? Nobody can tell you that man. If you don't even have a hint, we can only guess. The shit you do wrong is the shit you are blind too, otherwise you wouldn't be doing it.

It's obviously not your looks or money, because you landed a 21 year old and with the way hypergamy works, she wouldn't have dated you otherwise.

It goes back to your game. Boundaries, dread, emotional control, and frame.

I know you are in a shitty place right now, but your reaction says a lot about your frame.

Don't deadlift, don't work yourself out until you puke. It might be time to take a break from that shit and look at things like passions, life goal, purpose, self-esteem, and self-validation.

Alcohol and pining after a flame is only taking you down the spiral of doom. Liquor leads to pills, then to drugs, then to heroine, and before you know it you're on deaths row with a rope and a puke stained sweater.

Take this time to realign yourself with the good shit. Eat healthy, volounteer, work on business, go for a trip somewhere, try some new shit. Damn dude, life is a hell of a lot bigger than some sloppy ass 21 year old pussy.

definitelynotaclone · 2017-01-05T13:24:27+00:00

Have you had other LTRs in the past? I always like to think about how little I think about anything I ever did with previous LTRs, and how much I felt like I would never forget it, just when the relationship died. Think about that. In a year this will all be wasted emotions. Maybe that helps a little.

Andgelyo · 2017-01-07T00:44:47+00:00

Every man on this sub reddit has been broken before.

Lucius-Cincinnatus · 2017-01-05T02:45:31+00:00

I'm 32 years old and I was in a LTR for almost 3 years with a 21 year old.>

Good shit bro.

You did it once. Do it again.

Go find yourself another young hottie. You'll be back on your feet before you know it.

Good luck comrade.

logger1234 · 2017-01-04T23:58:19+00:00

sounds like dude needs some abundance mentality and some OI. Sure, go to the gym, but I'd suggest a bar as well. Get some friends, invite people from work to do stuff.

Unabummer80 · 2017-01-05T01:40:48+00:00

You made the right decision. I moved to be with my ex and it was a big fuck up. About 2 years of fun, fllowed by 2 of hardship winding up with her dumping me and me being stranded. That was 4 years of hard investment in her, which has equalled 4 years of not very much personal development for me.

ecosci · 2017-01-05T02:24:21+00:00

You have oneitis right now get rid of it she meet someone else to move with women are whores and follow chad anywhere dont be stunned its always about another guy.

[deleted] · 2017-01-05T03:14:19+00:00

You keep getting older. They keep staying the same age.

This girl, she is special, truly the closest thing I had ever considered a unicorn. I think my judgement is sound in believing she is truly once-in-a-lifetime unique in many regards.

If she was so fucking special, she wouldn't have been AWALT as fuck with moving away for a shitty job.

Good luck man.

Captain_Sorbo · 2017-01-05T03:15:07+00:00

All ships eventually sink. Ask yourself : will I sail again? Live on to plunder vast amounts of booty? Roam new never before crossed waters? Ride the peaks of the waves of life? Or allow yourself to go down with the ship?

GeorgeBushIV · 2017-01-05T04:18:07+00:00

take it day by day brother. lots of great advice here

maxescapist · 2017-01-05T18:52:50+00:00

You didn't do anything wrong, it's just the way women are when they've got plenty of options. Lots of people here will tell you what you should've done differently, but you did nothing wrong, you shouldn't go against what feels right for you. Until you experience what you've experienced and you'll change the way you deal with women, for you know their true nature. Now when you meet someone new, you won't invest like you did before. And if she leaves? You were prepared. Don't become a narcissist asshole because of some technique to avoid this pain, become it unconsciously through the experiences you had. That's how the mind works, redpill is in all of us, we were just taught to do treat women like princesses and see what happened?

Arie_R · 2017-01-04T23:11:01+00:00

She's much younger than you are so it makes total sense she prioritised her education. I'm going to assume she could only do the course there or this is the best school?

I'm a woman and ten years ago I was much less mature than I am now. Life experiences differ but generally I think there's a massive difference for men and women between when they are 20 and 30. It's a totally different life phase. At 20, you're finding yourself, getting into higher education, moving around. Especially for women, at 30, they finished education, have a career and are often in an LTR and will soon start trying for a baby or already have one. Men mature a bit later but it sounds like you and her are in different life phases. Were you going to marry her and provide for her? Because if she couldn't do her course where you are, she'd have to learn another trade and/or depend on you, which she might not want. Why did you not consider moving to her city? It's totally normal for her to create a life in her new city. Did you expect her to call you every evening and not make any friends there? She's young and started a course, in a new city. She'll make tons of new acquaintances and friends, get a favourite take out, favourite coffee place etc. Why do you need to be angry? She chose to follow her dream/make herself employable and you were not willing to move for her, or make the long distance work. Are you sure she wasn't going to move back after finishing her course? Did you discuss this before she moved? Why are you not willing to move with her but expect her to stay for you?

I think she's just in a different phase of her life right now. Allow yourself to hurt, but in the end you pulled the plug. You may have done the right thing for you both. Take good care of yourself and figure out what you want in a future partner. I'd look for someone closer to your age who's finished higher education/job training.

Title	A broken man looking for red pill guidance
Author	SterlingMace
Upvotes	18
Comments	30
Date	January 4, 2017 9:41 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5m20tv/a_broken_man_looking_for_red_pill_guidance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/a-broken-man-looking-for-red-pill-guidance.39671 https://theredarchive.com/post/39671

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