Dealing with bitching

Archwinger · 2013-11-25T20:29:59+00:00

First off, do whatever you have to do to learn to keep your anger in check. If a woman has the power to make you angry (or to affect your emotional state in any way, or to influence your behavior in any way), she has power over you. That's weakness. Likewise, if she sees anything else affect your emotional state or behavior, that's weakness, too. You have to always be in control of yourself, and at least create the perception of being in control of your circumstances.

If you really can't find anything witty to say, just go with the basic shutdown. Calmly tell the woman that you don't appreciate her complaining while you're driving, and tell her that if it happens again, she can get her ass out and call a cab. When she immediately starts bitching louder, shut her up and tell her that it's just plain unsafe to bitch at and distract someone operating a motor vehicle, and you don't plan on getting killed just so she can feel good expressing herself. Also, don't invite her along the next few times you go somewhere. Bring another girl instead, and when the bitch complains, laugh it off and tell her that at least the other girl doesn't bitch when you're driving.

jeebusthecat · 2013-11-25T20:50:03+00:00

Ever watch Malcolm in the Middle? My mom is basically 80% Lois. A serial nagger who can work herself up over anything. Throughout my (BP) childhood, I tried to reason logically with her, calm her down, appease her, basically walk on eggshells. Of course that never worked. Unfortunately I only began to figure this out shortly before I moved out on my own, but what worked was not taking her seriously and disengaging.

Nagging is easy. Just say something stupid: "can't take out the trash, reading about lobsters." If it's something she can easily do, tell you're busy. Once said, stop talking.

IMHO, women are reactive: if you're mad at something and express your feelings, you will upset them and induce bitching; if they're mad and you react badly, they will get even madder. Golden rule: never argue.

Of course this is hard to do in a car. Next time she's bitching, give her a look of absolute disgust and say nothing the rest of the ride. If she's really screaming (which is dangerous for a driver), pull over. When you get home, tell her if she's going to be unpleasant, she can take the bus next time.

The only time in my entire life I got my mother to apologize to me for her bitching was using a similar tactic shortly before I moved out: she was criticizing my career choice and said some incredibly hurtful things. I gave her the "fuck you, who do you think you are?" look and walked out the door. I ignored her subsequent calls and came home a few hours later to a sincere apologize to which I replied "fine" and left.

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2013-11-25T22:15:51+00:00

First of all you have to have a good frame. You have to actually be smart. Sure you make minuscule mistakes from time to time, but you are right the majority of the time.

You know where you're going and how to navigate there, and you know how to park.

Your message should be "I'm right, I don't give a shit about what you're saying". Many ways to show that. You can agree and amplify:

While arriving to a shopping mall: "Why do you always park so far from the front?"

"Last time I ran over a squirrel. I try and stay away from the scene of the crime" and follow up with whatever you want like "I'm having a cupcake for dessert tonight, I'm trying to figure out if I should take the one from sweets store or have the one in my car". (the one in my car implies the girl)

You can just straight up escalate. Ignore what she's saying, say that you need to whisper something in her ear, then attack her neck with your lips.

Your response doesn't really matter. There are a million ways you can respond. It's your message that matters. Right now your message is "I'm a frustrated boy because women are being women.". Change it.

This is what girls refer to when they say "he just gets it". You understand the reality and you plow through the bullshit to satisfy both her and yourself.

bankruptedcasino · 2013-11-25T21:07:35+00:00

Agree and amplify.

Your navigation sucks.

Yup! Sucks so bad Christopher Columbus threw me off the Mayflower!

Why do you always park so far from the front?

How else am I going to show the rest of the crowd my new Crocs? (bonus points if you have hidden a pair of Crocs in your car and put them on for the first time in front of your boo as you're saying this)

Why are you always doing [X, or Y, or Z]?

Because I want to annoy you. [Alternative:] Because I don't want to get you pregnant.

Don't take a woman's nagging seriously. It's like a dog whimpering in his crate. What does the dog want? Attention. What do you give a dog when you yell at him for whining in his crate? Attention. What happens next? More whining.

When a member of my harem starts nagging at me about stuff, I ignore it. 9 times out of 10 it's a shit test. The vast majority of shit tests can be passed if you agree and amplify.

If nagging persists, it's time for a convo. I usually start it off with, "What's gone up your skirt this week? You're being annoying." They can tell me then what's bothering them or not. If they don't and the nagging continues, I'll just drop them off at their house, ask them to leave mine, or stop texting/calling for a few days. That usually gets the message across.

bsutansalt · 2013-11-25T23:28:37+00:00

It's best to think of this as a form of disrespectful shit test. Most shit tests can be handled by using one of the following:

Agree & amplify (to absurdity)
Change the subject
Ignore
Pressure flip
Nuclear option

For the kind of testing you're experienced, I'm going to formalize a 6th option, which is to call her on the disrespect and nip it in the bud. It's basically a modified version of #4. You simply need to be firm and treat her like a father would to their child who's being disrespectful. You don't get angry, you just call her on the behavior and let her know clearly that you won't stand for it. IN a way this is almost a type of pressure flip. You're taking her negative energy and sliding past it and putting the onus on her to react by changing her approach to the topic.

Her: Nag nag nag.
You: That is disrespectful and I will not tolerate it. This conversation is over.

Note: Agree & amplify is usually the preferred method for this sort of shit test because it's fun and non-reactionary. You'll get better mileage out of it as well as it's less likely to blow up in your face/have a negative outcome than the other methods.

For those who aren't aware of #5, what I call the "nuclear option", this is when you destroy their self-worth with the notion you do not see them in a sexual way. In other words you're nuking their ego/self-esteem from orbit. I reserve this option for women who are on the offensive and trying to be a bitch for whatever reason.

Lastly, on a meta level, passing shit-tests is all about frame control.

TheeRyanGrey · 2013-11-25T21:12:15+00:00

I'd rather give examples then tell you theories. This is what I had to deal with yesterday:

Girl: I found this great taco place. It makes a fish taco with avocados and salsa and then wraps it in a flour tortilla.

Me: Oh so a double decker fish taco. sounds bomb.

Girl: No, that makes it sound gross.

Me:Does it make it taste gross?

Girl:No but that's not the point and you're ruining it for me so stop.

A couple years ago I would've gotten mad and flew off the handle at this level of retardation. But now the things women do just amuse me. I remember they're all 12 years old emotional and so I treat em like their daddys did.

Me: silence

5 minutes later Her: So I think I'm going to wear this tonight what do you think

Me:Sorry you're on conversation timeout. Try again in 24 hours.

Her:Are you joking?

Her:So seriously what do you think about my outfit?

Her: Are you fucking kidding me i won't be talked to like this fuck you.

8 hours later

Her: Am I still in timeout?

Her: I'm sorry for being such a bitch.

In exactly 1 hour I'm going to text her and tell her her timeout has ended. this is how you deal with girls bitching: YOU PUNISH IT. I've known this girl for 6 years now so her punishment is based on that.

2013-11-26T02:36:37+00:00

If you're driving, what works really well for me is to just pull over to the side of the road and quietly but firmly tell her to knock it off. Until she agrees to remain civil don't move the car again. Be prepared to sit there until the end of time. If she starts up again, repeat. It's like training a dog to stop barking.

2013-11-26T05:57:17+00:00

Tell her that she deliberately leaves unpleasant jobs like driving around and navigating to you because she's too lazy or selfish to do them herself, and that you're quite happy to do those jobs, but not if she's going to criticize you for it.

This is one of the worst things I've observed in the behavior of other people. They want to enjoy all the benefits of something and none of the responsibility. It's why women are typically reluctant to suggest a place eat, a movie to watch, an activity, ect ect. but they're always /REALLY/ eager to criticize you when you make those choices and they don't like them.

What these people are trying to do is get their desires serviced while remaining free from any sort of accountability if things don't turn out well and it's the ultimate form of weakness and cowardice.

Exactly_what_I_think · 2013-11-25T20:31:32+00:00

"Go be a bitch some where else."

"Text me when you're off your period."

"I am done with you. Get out."

"You can talk about this with my dick in your mouth."

It's all about maintaining frame. Cut her off early.

"I think I know what the problem is." she pauses "There it's fixed" the slightest peep "AND it's broken."

kratol · 2013-11-25T22:22:06+00:00

Just treat them like parents treat a little kid having a temper tantrum over silly shit. You roll your eyes and console them in a patronizing tone of voice, or you just tell them to get over it without much emotional investment.

I like this way of thinking about it because almost everyone can remember how their parents and other people's parents treat small whiny kids over many years of their lives. If your parents were powder kegs about it, don't copy that.

In general, bitching, whining, etc, just treat them like the little kids they are acting like.

rob_bass · 2013-11-26T02:00:40+00:00

http://youtu.be/olGq3TOs174

You know I've actually tried this on my wife and it worked pretty well. Notice how camron is cool and collected all the while still patronizing her. Even though I can barely make out what she's saying, she says "I'm not calling you next week" but then doubles back and asks "you want me to call you Monday?" "You're right"

FortunateBum · 2013-11-26T18:39:07+00:00

I have tried a lot of things in the past. My go to, now that I'm in my late 30s, is complete silence and pretending like whatever she just said, I didn't hear.

Try it. You will be amazed at how quickly even she seems to forget in about 20 minutes what she was just bitching about. Some women just can't stop bitching and it's as meaningless as exhalation.

jcslzr · 2013-11-26T21:38:39+00:00

i just read something pretty good about rage: dont get angry, the angry person becomes the target

masterrod · 2013-11-25T20:33:11+00:00

Look her directly in the eye while she's doing it...Make zero emotional responses. Once she's done ask her if she has said her piece. If she lets you put your hand on her shoulder or something like that. Ask her if she'd like to continue talking about whatever the hell she's bitching about. Talk to her about it, let her complain, don't try fix to any of the problems. In fact, don't don't even try to get to the root of the problem, but stay engaged.

Make your own assessment, and bring up the conversation again, if necessary, at a calmer time.

Usually, if she's constantly bitching at you, there's something underlying you'l have to find it or leave her. Anger is usually not a primary emotion.

Title	Dealing with bitching
Author	crisblunt
Upvotes	37
Comments	47
Date	November 25, 2013 8:16 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1rfv9c/dealing_with_bitching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/dealing-with-bitching.8240 https://theredarchive.com/post/8240

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