Does anyone else in here come from a poisonous family?

drrrrrr · 2014-09-28T07:16:46+00:00

There's two type of people. Type 1 uses the pain and trauma in the childhood, whatever it might be, as massive psychological fuel to push all the way through to the other end of the spectrum.

Type 2 distracts themselves with little excuses and seeks to numb the pain, rather than AMPLIFY it and be forced to deal with it. Gaming, over-eating, TV, spending money and time supplicating to women, trolling online dating for hours on end in a quest for pussy, and basically looking for all these little virtual worlds where they can hide confronting the wounds of their childhood.

Yes, this is largely psychological bullshit that has no backing, but I'll be damned if I haven't seen this dynamic at work with nearly anyone who comes from any type of troubled past. Bro-science or not, take it for what you will, but I think you either learn to accept the fucked-up absurdity and bullshit that you were raised in, and use it to motivate you to stunt all of their faces and raise BETTER kids in the long run... or you wind up passing on a similar wound to your kids, intentionally or not.

Some abused kids will turn out to be high functioning sociopaths like Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck - using their emotional stuntedness to be a pussy-slaying, money-making machine because that is all that is real to them. Others will be depressed and suicidal, and the weakest of the lot will pass on the cycle and abuse their own kids.

Obviously this is a more serious situation than what you're describing, but it's a fitting parallel.

I point you towards David Deida's first chapter of Way of the Superior Man - "Live as if Your Father was Dead". It will change your life. Beyond that, make the choice to not run from the poison in your background, but use it to become massively motivated.

From ages 1-18, you are forgiven. You were not a spineless beta male by birth, you were made that way. From 18-onwards, IT'S ON YOU. It's all your fault from here on out, no one made you any which way. Harsh, but that's how it is in society; you are a man now and you are a product of your own choices, and society, courts, fellow men, and fellow women, aka everyone but your mamma, will treat you as such.

Do not look to complain about it. View it as a strength, a blessing that you are going to be forced to go through hardship, because one day this will all enable you to hopefully be the alpha capable of raising masculine sons where your parents failed.

chainlinks · 2014-09-28T10:34:30+00:00

My mother the drunk and my father the gambler, just such a constant feeling of dread and fear when i was in that house hold, their addictions grating on each other and the fighting.

My mum was a bitch when she was sober and a weird argumentative pedophile when drunk, just the way she would talk to my friends ( talking 8 - 12 year olds ) and be all touchy while speaking like those harpys from that absolutely fabulous show, one time when i was showering she came in opened up the curtain and grabbed my cock claiming there was a rash on it or some shit, and then the time when i was 10 and caught her slashing her wrists wide open when i went downstairs for a drink, gaslighting me at age 8 into believing no one was at the house when i caught her sitting on the lap of some stranger she brought home from the pub. Giving me my first hit of weed when i was 15 which i still smoke to this day, told me to buy a drink bottle at school to make a bong, after the divorce she got a new boy freind and had another child which within 2 years was taken by CPS, I stopped talking to her after that.

My father through out the time of the marridge, i lived in fear of, he seemed to busy stewing, being pissed of at kids that were never planned, i was born before they got married. Most notable things my dad was knock the shit out of my mom, sell my stuff to get more money to gamble with one time even pawning in a game console that a friend lent me, we found out it was missing when he came around one night wanting it back. Anyway after the divorce within a year or 2 he has his new step family and was far more concerned with their well being and turning my house in hotel for her extended family and he was the weak beta who accommodated them on every whim.

So i just got kicked back and forward between my mother and father and their spiteful SO's who where always looking for some reason to get rid of me, but not your junkie daughter who gets a lawyer paid for her to get out of shit, and the daughter that just pops out kids to drug dealers and lives on welfare, i think she is up to 6 kids now

At 21 i just moved away from the area, held jobs, completed education and never looked back and seldom see or speak to them.

NewRoots · 2014-09-28T05:12:58+00:00

/r/raisedbynarcissists.

Honestly, it's a gift if you accept the challenges.

I can sense a person who was raised by a narcissist in an instant, a trend I have noticed in that the males tend to congregate together like this here at TRP. Daughters of narcissistic parents tend to emanate toward that sub I've posted.

I was neglected from a young age (emotionally, I was still fed), raised myself practically whilst using this persona to keep me covered.

Never had a Dad, was told he was evil and abusive etc.

Emasculating mother to the most extreme degree. Abusive, emotionally draining. Shaming. Horrible.

Got involved in drugs and generally got really fucked up in HS, as a form of rebellion.

Turned 18, planned my escape.

Set things straight as best I could, which involved police... punching my mother, complete house breakdown. But it settled the family.

And now I'm on my own, I'm never going back unless it's healthy for me.

1st year uni, now. 19 years, almost 20.

I was actually going to post this, because I saw so many guys here all growing up in these toxic households. Really makes me feel like home. The only thing I noticed was that no one here was actually talking about the unsaid thing, the elephant in the room -- the fact that many of us grew up in toxic places. And thus, we come together now that we can, and better ourselves. Creating supportive structures that we never had.

[deleted] · 2014-09-28T13:25:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

caliboo · 2014-09-28T21:21:38+00:00

Yeah, this happens. There's a sub reddit called "raisedbynarcissicts" (I might have spelled that incorrectly, but look it up.)

My parents financially drained me when I was of working age, didn't care whether or not I went to school when I was a kid, and beat me to nearly an inch of my life several times. All while claiming to be the best Christian family to ever exist, living in shithole apartments and houses, always feuding with neighbors, etc.

I was never allowed to date or have friends over, they didn't have any friends (and still don't), father has never worked a day in his life, they've never met any girl I've dated (or wanted to), I lost my v-card in my mid-20's (after cutting ties with them.)

Never got any good advice from them about friendships, relationships, women, dating, sex, etc.

I'm in my 30's now, I'd cut ties and go no contact with them but they're the only family I've got; I'm very close to doing it though.

95wave · 2014-09-28T03:43:16+00:00

my family was not as bad, my parents divorced and my mother didn't divorce rape my father, they actually managed to agree on split custody (which I am quite thankful for). My mother was a horrible parent, she was always at work and tried to be male (high status accounting job, rarely around) even though she was one of the most beta women I knew. My father, while quite manly (in my opinion) tended to ignore me while I was a useless gamma twat, he probably felt I was a failure or some other shit. The red pill has helped me bond with my father more in the last 6 months than in the last twenty years of my life, and for that I am grateful. My brother is a little twit who seems to slightly less gamma than I was. He is smart enough to see that women are not what western culture say they are. He managed

on a side note, my aunt was a bit of a unicorn, but not in a typical way. She sacrificed her time on me to help me through high school and into college. Lord knows I didn't have the motivation before that. Honestly, she's the only women I think I can actually trust, 20 years knowing her and she has one of the best grasps on logic and reasoning that I've ever seen in any female. (She is an unmarried alpha women, and a successful divorce lawyer, to give some more insight). Honestly, maybe she wants to feel that I am her child, and honestly, I think she was a far better mother than my biological one was.

Icecoffee965 · 2014-09-28T04:27:28+00:00

My mom was schizophrenic... AKA batshit crazy for more than half of her married life.

She would throw plates (literally), smash shit, go on screaming rampages, tape up the walls with tinfoil, and lock herself in a room for half the day.

I can't blame her since it was a mental illness... when your brain is telling you there are demons everywhere, you can do jack shit.

My dad, I respect as a person. He took care of my mom until he found meds for her (we couldn't get meds in USA since the health care system here would bankrupt him), provided shelter for us.

For that, he will always be a highly venerable person, as he was loyal and stayed true to us in the darkest times.

As a role model however, FUCK NO. I remember when my mom was in her "sane phase," she would tell me my dad would constantly call her (10 times a day), begging her to go on dates.

When my dad "proposed," he literally begged her to marry...as in crying and inducing pity.

During the honeymoon, my dad because he missed his mommy. I mean, what the fuck!?

When my mom was not going off the walls, she would always tell me she married my dad because she felt bad for him... even nowadays, when my dad tries to hug here, she almost never embraces him back.

She would tell me many times how if my dad did not impregnate her, she would be long gone.

She would constantly make fun of my dad being a woman, and he almost never objected (even though he should have stood his ground).

Furthermore, I've never seen my dad stand up to my mom when she gets angry about irrelevant crap, like the way my dad eats. When my mom hits him, he just takes it like a docile dog.

During the times he does fight, he does the same thing as her: insult her back, AKA FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE (which just worsens the whole situation), instead of staying calm, treating her like a child.

Thank the lucky stars due to the turbulent household I;'ve discovered TRP, but at times I wonder how much more outgoing, social, and confident I'd be if I didn't live midst such violence.

exit_sandman · 2014-09-28T07:16:46+00:00

A friend of mine comes from such a family and was more or less molded into being a doormat by his psychopathic domineering tyrannic mother, exploited and finally ruined by her before he cut contact. But then again, his devil-may-care younger brother (who was more uppity) get away with being a total good-for-nothing.

kojimaAlright · 2014-09-28T12:54:07+00:00

My father walked out before I turned one and I've seen him probably 10 times in my life. (Mostly coincidence from visiting my sick grandfather and going to his funeral) I have no contact with him. I don't really know what he's like but you can bet my mother doesn't speak too nicely of him. She used to compare this manufactured description of him to me to manipulate me into doing what she wants. My current step dad is my mothers beta bucks. He works all week, brings in most of the cash, does most of the chores, whilst my mother sits on her ass watching TV shows where people buy holiday homes or some shit. (Mother already rode the cock carousel and I remember most of the men. I've had bonding issues with my step dad because over time I learned to not bond with someone my mother is going to swap out in a couple of months).

My mother had my sister at 16, me at 17 and was heavily feminist whilst I was growing up. As was one of my aunts. Me and my cousin (Also RedPilled) used to deconstruct their fallacious arguments even when we were kids. But it all really kicked off when after being raised to believe men and women are exactly the same our whole lives, my cousin was scolded by my mother, sister and two aunts for defending himself against a girl who was going to attack him with a golf club. Believe it or not, all he did was hit her with a sock that had a shirt inside it. Sounds like a fucking comedy skit, I know. We threw logic at them, they threw words we were too young to "understand" at the time like "patriarchy" at us and it all ended with us leaving frustrated, confused and hopeless. For the longest time we just shut ourselves inside and played video games because we didn't understand the world. It just made no fucking sense. I wouldn't wish being raised by a feminist single mother upon anybody. I was completely feminized to shit for the first 16 years of my life and was never happy.

Me and my cousin are really great friends to this day and we have both been on a quest for self improvement for the past 2 years. He's 20, I'm 19. RedPill has made my life much happier and fulfilled.

Blaw40 · 2014-09-28T18:17:46+00:00

After reading this TRP for a bit and now this post, I have come to conclude that my mom's side of the family (and my mom too) are poisonous. It seems Indian culture dictates all their men be brought up beta. Every time, EVER, in my entire childhood, I tried to do anything new,masculine, exciting, or risky, my mom would say no, don't do that. No encouragement, constantly telling me not to do this and that. Anytime I brought up any new endeavor, instant discouragement. Thank God I have a father, or else I would have been the biggest beta on earth.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-09-29T04:51:30+00:00

My mother is a classic BPD nightmare from an alcoholic father who hit her once (and Lord Have Mercy how she tells that story over and over and over again how her own father almost killed her). She has made it her mission in life to oppose, bitch, whine, complain and belittle any accomplishment of my father- who is in fact very accomplished indeed.

My father was absent, obsessed with work so that he could avoid coming home. He left us in the care of this Borderline Personality woman who filled us with Blue Pill lies. "Be yourself. Don't be aggressive with girls. Be nice. Always be a gentleman. When you are least expecting it the right girl will come along. JUST BE YOURSELF." Masculinity and aggression is bad. The boys are "hyperkinetic." Oh you don't have to be any more confident that you are. You have plenty of confidence. Dominate? Why that is just weird.

Devvils · 2014-09-28T10:53:26+00:00

That's narcissistic bahaviour. I often post at /r/raisedbynarcissists & you are welcome to look at the stories there. Bottom line is you can't change these sort of people & you need to put yourself first.

Have a look at this.

[deleted] · 2014-09-28T14:17:53+00:00

I think to light the anger you first need to recognize that you got gypped in life concerning your parents, that you are set back a decent distance in development, then that anger can be channeled into going that distance.

You probably are set back in life OP, and it may take time to do the 180 you need to get going and that is ok. We tend to call it monk mode here. Stop dwelling on external indicators of success for a bit and start meditating on what you want from life, what you need to do to get going in that direction, and a solid plan of implementation and execution of these strategies. Hold yourself supremely accountable for at most 5 goals. I would recommend a regimen of fitness and nutrition to be one of these top priorities. The next should be to find a centeredness for your mind, a frame of unreactiveness toward external factors.

In my life, I was raised a fatty. I did not grow up the cocky funny kid girls liked because I was fat and virtually invisible to them. The topic of sex and relationships was rarely discussed in my home. Apart from attempting to incur moral character in me (a dubious quality at best) and the drive to do what I want with my life, my father took a major backseat in educating me. I've had it better than most. I had both parental figures in my life who loved and cared about me, and that's all I an ask for. Regardless, I recognized the weaknesses in my upbringing, and now it lies solely on me to make up for it.

DarkSayed · 2014-09-28T17:15:35+00:00

I am very fortunate to come from a traditional family. My mother and my sisters are as much Red Pill as I am. They have no time for bullshit, especially when it comes to screening out potential partners for my younger brothers (they are very protective).

People who say TRPers are misogynists need to take a deeper look. I not only like, but admire the female members of my family, and admire women who are like them.

Sir_Bagel · 2014-09-28T21:39:24+00:00

My Father is a massive blue pill'er. He settles for mediocrity and puts his wife before himself on everything. He also puts me before himself in everything.

I got pretty tired of being the deciding factor in pretty much everything we do, from going out to eat to where we wanted to go on vacation. Basically putting me in a position to be a spoiled brat. Our family's sense of being honest and only taking what you need stopped me from crossing that line.

My Mother is always content with whatever she has. This comes from a background of not having a lot of money, and she works hard for everything. She is extremely passive and often has no opinion on matters.

My brother is a cave-sulking neckbeard with maybe 10 friends. Not that he can grow enough facial hair to have a beard, but he rarely takes care of his appearance and hardly makes an effort to make new friends. He goes to a university in another city and has never had a girl in his room, let alone to fuck.

My family has essentially taught me to be a submissive hard worker and treat ladies like gold, but they encourage me to ask and work for what I want. So I was stuck in a middle ground of trying to pursue what I wanted with all my heart and letting people go before me.

I've tried to surround myself with alphas in my life for as long as I remember, but I only managed to get the tier below alpha as the true alphas would quickly identify me as beta. I was extremely confused why they wouldn't accept me as one of their own even though I expressed interest and friendliness towards them.

When I discovered the RP, lots of things became clear. To this day I'm still learning how to compose myself but I've realized what is really important and how to truly get the things I want in life. It has become a habit of mine to settle for mediocrity and damn if it's not a hard habit to kick.

For what it's worth, that's my story. I hope you or someone can relate.

cntthnko1 · 2014-09-28T11:12:43+00:00

Ignorant, for sure, poisonous, relatively...

They just werent ready to be parents (as 99% of people who have kids arent) and i dont blame them entirely, its just the nature of existence. All that exists is natural and that realization is really when i woke up.

BloodRoseTRP · 2014-09-28T11:14:54+00:00

This sentiment is echoed in No More Mr Nice Guy. If you haven't read it yet, do so at your earliest convenience. If you're too lazy, get the audio book.

Prattler26 · 2014-09-28T12:57:10+00:00

Most (95%+) people grow up in dysfunctional families. Yours seems to have been straight up abusive.

It's important to understand and process the damage that was done to you as a child. It's the only way break the chains and live a happy life. It's not shameful to have suffered damage, it was not your fault, you couldn't do anything about it as a child.

You're on the correct path! It will be very difficult and painful processing childhood trauma! Good luck!

Resources that'll help you out: https://freedomainradio.com/ - massive archive of podcasts, many of which deal with abuse in childhood https://freedomainradio.com/free/ - free books from Stefan Molyneux. Check out "On Truth: The Tyranny of Illusion" and "Real-Time Relationships: The Logic of Love"

Check out books and podcasts from Daniel Mackler, Alice Miller, Lloyd deMause.

Therapist worth your money: http://www.selfarcheology.com/

edmproducerXX · 2014-09-28T14:08:33+00:00

Finally ! It's not just me ! I know it feels shit . My parents (happen to be indian) are constantly limiting my experiences. They believe that experiencing anything apart from education ruins a child. Hence this pretty much makes sense for my limited experience in my social and dating life.

But I ageee that with TC that going for type 1 response is usually the best way to go.

Locastor · 2014-09-28T16:58:21+00:00

/r/raisedbynarcissists is a good sub

db1000c · 2014-09-28T17:25:15+00:00

I come from probably the exact opposite of upbringings. Great parents who were very loving and nurturing - the sky's the limit kind of thing. By and large a happy family. I was a free kid in a structured world. I think that's a fair way to be raised and I've always thought of my parents as reasonable people.

But I have had my issues with the blue pill and grew up in that mindset sadly. I've come the believe that it really is more cultural/environmental rather than anything our parents do or don't do. We're surrounded by this shit everywhere - on the radio, on the TV, in films and in music. The ideology that we're expected to swallow without asking any questions is saturated into our world through every available channel.

The only relevance that upbringing has on any of this stuff is that it might give you more first hand experience as to how fucked the world can be and how going your own way is the only guarantee of happiness and fulfilment.

What we fight against here is a multi-pronged attack that's by and large out of our family's hands. Arm yourself in the knowledge that almost everything your mind will consume is coming from the BP standpoint, trying to wire your brain into thinking this is the most desirable path in life. The pain and disillusion you may have suffered from your upbringing will help you in this, but never lay blame. Blame is a pillar of BP thinking. You must be above it. Something can be someone's fault, but never attribute your failures to anyone else. Just as your successes will come from your own endeavour, your failures are yours too.

leftajar · 2014-09-28T18:18:40+00:00

/r/raisedbynarcissists

[deleted] · 2014-09-30T05:54:01+00:00

Blue pill father. He was never a strong male leader and was always depressed, quiet, and self-absorbed. Never disciplined me, never pushed me to be more manly or successful, even though he was an attorney and made decent money. It's clear looking back that my parents never expected much from me or were just too soft to set any boundaries. At the time I thought I was lucky when I saw my friends' parents kick their asses (figuratively speaking) and demand excellence from them, while I was able to coast on mediocre grades and play video games constantly. That can really set you back.

CallMeMak · 2014-09-28T03:44:52+00:00

Are you me? I agree with you but I'm not sure this is the best subreddit for this

damflite · 2014-09-28T12:25:12+00:00

Thought about it, typed it up but didn't post it.
empathy

Title	Does anyone else in here come from a poisonous family?
Author	argunta
Upvotes	54
Comments	61
Date	September 28, 2014 3:35 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2ho5lz/does_anyone_else_in_here_come_from_a_poisonous/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/does-anyone-else-in-here-come-from-a-poisonous.21925 https://theredarchive.com/post/21925

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