Age: mine 28, her 23

Preface:

Lived like a frugal hermit by choice doing the odd job here and there for the last 7 years. Have had only 2 dates prior to this one onitis that agreed to the date but rejected me by the end of it, another date a year later invited by a girl that liked me but I did not reciprocate and ended up ghosting her. This might as well be zero experience.

My plan was to get some experience this year and start slow with less attractive girls since I wouldn't care much, however I got baited and to go on a date set up by a older female colleague. She shilled me this lonely-homely girl that's smart and needs male presence in her life, she is often a ball of anxiety as her mother passed away 2 years ago and her father lives abroad. I turned the idea down because I'm busy working up a war chest as right now I am relatively broke. Well I got tricked into the date by her asking me to help out selling her mother's BTC as she might urgently need the money. We set a time and place for a meet in a park so I'd explain the process to her. I'm an idiot who though it would be a brief thing just to meet face to face and maybe decide if I even want to have date later.

First fuck up: didn't know to either handshake or hug because this was supposed to be business or pleasure, she opened with hug I went for the hand, then switched. Awkward, whatever. She's cute, short, huge hips but not overweight, face a bit of a mid: I honest to god prayed I wouldn't like while in transit but she's great. I'm below average height but fit & good looking. We hit it off in conversation, then sat down for the business bit, by the end of this she invited me to the coffee. I realize now that she definitely had different expectations for this meeting but casually roll with it. Talk about her pet dog and cat on the way.

We buy our drinks and go sit outside. After a brief silence she asks me to tell me about myself and jokes how that's a horrible thing to ask. I retort that it's a great question but I wasn't prepared to give an answer, gave a short version of my batman origin story, my professions, education. She shared her bits. She did turn out to be smart and witty, we joke around and probably chat for something like an hour. Her mother was mentioned several times and we managed to talk about her a fair bit but I did steer away the conversation when I noticed a bit of grief in her voice, it was 2 years since her mother passed. We talked a bunch about different branches of our family and life events. She wasn't bored, we both had some mutual fun swapping stories. She is audibly afraid of having too dead air in between talking, but acts as if she's not nervous. Maybe I'm a bit out of her league with looks or just has insecurities. Mentions getting drunk going dancing at a club and pissing off her father about it. Totally missed subtext by me: showing how she's not a prude or a saint.

Got chilly, moved to a sunny park bench, I take the lead on these decisions. She showed off a decently sized tattoo of a flower on her forearm, we had a conversation about that. Fuck up number two: we're sitting close and I had the easiest opportunity to go for skin contact to have a better look at the tattoo, didn't. Not ready, no practice, constant clammy hands - at this point I realized I liked her too much. Her body is my type and her personality was fun, bubbly, but also smart. Fuck up number three, notice cat scratches on her forearm and remark about it, yet another failure to go for skin contact, huge blow to the ego knowing I couldn't go for it.

Got too hot, moved benches. We're still sitting relatively close. She talks about her one time skydiving, first time she uses swear words (haven't used any myself prior) and gets emotional about it. Probably missed subtext again (?) - she's not a 'good girl'. Grand and final fuck up number 4: a very hard to not see couple is feverishly making out and dry humping not too far from our bench, I made an comment on it and realized the awkward position I put myself in, where it obviously screamed (this could be us). Conversation dried up, we've been at it for 1.5-2 hours. I did not want to have a date longer than that because of a prior bad experience where I was on a date almost an entire day. I tell her we should wrap up and ask her if she's going to need help with doing the BTC transfer in person later. She said she'll have to think about it later, but said she has my number. Wanted to walk her to transport but she said she's going the other way to eat, we exchanged a hug and goodbyes but I thought I felt very mild disappointment in her tone. She walked off.

At this point I walk home emotionally shellshocked from having to having to go to a date with a girl, first time in 7 years, actually end up liking her (I really hoped I wouldn't, it would have been so much easier). Upon reflection I realized I told her I live nearby before we met - she DROVE here and has pets at home and had to open the gate remotely for a repair man - she was probably ravenous and didn't eat prior which means she was good to bed: she likely wanted same day lay and I disappointed her, didn't escalate, didn't book the next date thinking I'd get a later opportunity anyway. I was not mentally prepared to have sex nor had condoms ready, didn't plan to move venues to my home. I had fun, but the emotional come-down from this was awful, took me 1.5 days to get my head straight and realize that despite doing well I still screwed up. Might get another chance with her but in my mind this is probably over.