[FR] I just got cold approached.

prodigyx · 2015-05-13T17:46:15+00:00

this is how girls feel when you're cold approaching

This is how girls feel when a not attractive guy is approaching them. You weren't attracted to this guy, hence the cringe. If this was a HB7, you would have been receptive.

_whistler · 2015-05-13T21:59:40+00:00

This is great, and I don't think the other commenters up to now are giving you enough credit here. This is very valuable information, for one reason: it highlights the concept of sexual availability.

You were not sexually available to any male - being a straight man, but it's similar enough to a non-DTF girl that it works - at the time of Ostensibly Gay Guy's approach.
Due to OGG's body language and verbal communication, you put yourself into the frame of warding off a sales pitch.
Because of your social conditioning (be polite), you opted first for Agree Now, Ignore Later, and when that didn't work you pulled Excuses, all to avoid emotional discomfort both in the present and in the future.

We all should be able to recognize interactions we've had that felt creepy or awkward. While it's true that men and women experience feelings differently due to differences in body and brain chemistry, that doesn't rule out some amount of common ground. If you're able to take this into consideration when evaluating scenarios like this, you'll be more mindful of every social interaction, and this can only help you in the long run.

Thanks for sharing this.

TopTRP · 2015-05-13T17:14:14+00:00

If this is how girls feel when you're cold approaching

I see what you're trying to get at but it's apples to oranges.

The guy has an SMV of 0 to you, so you placed him in an entirely separate category "trying to sell me something" which dictates the entire encounter and your feelings on it.

If you were a girl, you wouldn't have entered into that state. Women are used to being cold approached, it's not odd or random for them, they know straight away that the guy is trying to sell them something (his cock).

Also it's amusing that you say this:

I've been stopping and talking to people lately to get more used to speaking to strangers

And yet you find it so strange and offputting that some guy is doing the same exact thing to you.

[deleted] · 2015-05-14T00:00:13+00:00

I'd just like to share some personal advice that has been positive in my life.

I have been approached by a lot of gay men. I think it's important to clear the air especially if you will see the person often. In my experience gay men have always been straight forward and at times when they're not I just ask, "No offense man... but are you hitting on me?" ::smile:: I have never really been worried about being assaulted for asking that kind of question because it's always been quite obvious to begin with. A few things can happen:

1- They respond, "Yes..."::wink wink::

2- They respond, "Nah, man!" WTF lol

3- Or they get offended.

If their response is "3" they can go fuck themselves. For the record, I've never had a #3. If the responses are 1 or 2 you both can move on with the conversation. I pretty much have made friends with all the gay guys who have come on to me. Once, I was at a club and a gay guy was coming on hard to me. We had a good chat and got to know each other a bit. I told him I'm sorry I'm not gay but if I were I'd bang you out! He lol'ed then called over his friend (a woman), told us to have fun, and left.

We had fun.

edited

rpscrote · 2015-05-13T17:00:00+00:00

"you look like a cool guy"

the cringe... oh god the cringe

MyReddit4 · 2015-05-13T17:41:56+00:00

The reason you felt weird is because it was a gay guy trying to pick you up LOL You're not buying what he's selling.

Gay guys approach me every once in a while, always direct, and I simply smile, thank them for the complement, and move on with my life.

When someone approaches you (or you do an approach) it's always good to throw out "I've only got a moment to chat, but..." at some point. Much of the awkwardness, whether strangers or potential plates, comes from not giving a firm sense of where the interaction is going and when it's going to conclude.

-Universe- · 2015-05-14T02:59:15+00:00

Post a pic of your haircut.

[deleted] · 2015-05-14T03:39:26+00:00

Wait, are you saying those youtube videos with guys going "Diddly doo, I thought you looked marvelous. May I by any chance stick my willy in you fanny" not real?

cock_pussy_up · 2015-05-13T19:44:35+00:00

Bad analogy. Heterosexual men are sexually attracted to 0% of the male population. So it doesn't matter if a man is built, good looking, confident, good game, bad game, ugly, nervous, fat, skinny, "dabbod", old, young, or whatever. If you're not a homosexual, you don't want to fuck him.

Whereas women all fuck select men. So you can either try to approach some of them and get rejected sometimes, or you can avoid them altogether and just jack off to porn all day.

BrunoOh · 2015-05-13T18:35:45+00:00

In the same boat (Yes, being half naked in the locker room with the guy that approached me earlier was awkward as fuck). For the next time, a great way to turn them down gently is to mention the gym (as you did) and then mention how the girls have been noticing your gains lately.

Thing is OP, you're wrong. It's not really that he said boring or weird stuff. It's just that you're not attracted to him. It's why, other than to desensitize yourself, there's not really a point to cold approaches. It's much better to spend time improving yourself and wait for the IOI's.

juanqunt · 2015-05-13T20:38:15+00:00

Not in your situation, so i don't know if you were actually approached. It's normal for guys to talk and socialize at the gym though. Maybe he's just an introvert or trying to sell you some "supplements".

vengefully_yours · 2015-05-14T06:39:59+00:00

Learn sales, fuck, join Amway for a while and do the shit, you get good at cold appraches and rejection. My day game went up considerably, and I had good game before. Decent soap is a bonus, if you're religious they are huge into that too. The MLM stuff isn't the good part, learning to talk to people is the useful take away. They concentrate on building relationships with people, because it makes it easier to sell them stuff, but you can sell yourself.

The thing is, once you learn to sell some soap or some shit, you get good at reading people, talking to them comfortably, and it all translates directly to getting laid or just making new friends. Don't sell them anything, but you can get them to like you after you learn what to do.

Doesn't have to be Amway or anything like it, but learning sales will improve your day game.

[deleted] · 2015-05-14T07:43:14+00:00

i have told many a gay dude they are being creepy like a desperate straight guy always pisses them off which is why i say it

onepill_twopill · 2015-05-14T07:51:39+00:00

I got approached by a girl ages and ages ago, when I first started going to uni. I was honestly more suprised than anything, so I just went into an automatic reaction and locked up. This happened once more later on, and I still locked up, but less so. I think that if it just kept happening, I would just get used to being approached, like any girl would be, and be less creeped out

TekkomanKingz · 2015-05-14T09:29:05+00:00

If a guy is over the age of 25 or so he should be able to tell if you're gay or not. So to me I don't even engage with them if I won't have to deal with them daily - And if I do I will make it clear for the beginning I love pussy in a joking manner.

If they are persistent that is when I begin to get pissed off and threaten to contact authorities for sexual harassment. If he escalates things physically handle him like you would a straight man trying to violate your personal space and effects. If a quick right to the jaw doesn't settle things (after trying to walk away and having multiple people see you are trying to leave the situation for testimony purposes) then feel free to brawl but make sure not to hurl out any derogatory insults less you want to be charged with a hate crime.

RXRob · 2015-05-14T09:43:42+00:00

The reason for the interaction needs to be established immediately. When I was a salesman my only opener was "Hi I'm Rob. I'm here from the RNIB. Do you know what RNIB stands for?"

You need to announce what the frame is and eliminate confusion before you can pull the other person in.

CryptoManbeard · 2015-05-14T17:34:56+00:00

This is awesome. I'm thinking about it this way:

This guy is talking to you, he asks if you want to hang out and play chess (assume you like that). You're unsure if he's gay and trying to get in your pants or just trying to hang out. You assume, since he hasn't overtly flirted with you, that he just wants to play Chess, so you agree.

You go play chess, you're having a good time, nothing weird. A few hours later you're leaving and he tries to kiss you goodbye. Eewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

"I'm sorry but I don't like you like that, I just thought you wanted to be friends. We can still play Chess if you want though."

You just friend-zoned a gay guy.

Now imagine it's a hot woman. She asks you to play chess. If she just wants to be friends, you have the same kind of fun playing chess. But if after the game she goes for the kiss and tries to grab your junk, you're immediately down to take her back to the bedroom.

This is the same difference in how a woman will act with an unattractive vs attractive man.

If nothing else, she'll appreciate the decisiveness in intentions, even if she isn't interested. Just like you'd want to know if a guy who asked to hang out was really just trying to be gay with you.

thredditsowaway · 2015-05-13T21:52:40+00:00

Cold approaching is great for training confidence and conversational skills but it's terribly awkward. You inherently lose SMV points when you do it because you're signalling that you have to go out of your way to meet girls, while simultaneously making her feel like hot shit and possibly "out of your league" since you went through all that trouble to talk to her. It's not hopeless, just inefficient, and I think that's because it's UNNATURAL. I know this opinion is controversial.

Stuff that I'm trying instead: find a legit excuse to talk to a cute girl, wait for an IOI, strike up conversations with people you're sort of "stuck" beside (public transit, etc), flirting with employees of places you're buying from (store, bar, restaurant, etc). That last one is often frowned upon but I think it can work if you're very smooth and natural about it... I've gotten a few numbers (8s and 9s) this way but I'm afraid to really, really try it as a strategy because... well, me being a pussy.

Essentially, it has to appear NATURAL. Anything that is a deviation from your normal life is inherently UNNATURAL. There's a bit of a conflict here because you basically have to wait for opportunities to come up passively. The solution, if you're lacking opportunities, is really to modify your normal life (just go outside ffs) to expose you to more opportunities for these "passive" cold approaches, and maximize your SMV and "normal guy factor" so that it it's perceived as a "natural progression" when you end the conversation by asking for her number for the purpose of hanging out sometime soon.

seattleron · 2015-05-13T19:53:02+00:00

Perfect representation of how women feel around betas. If it was a chick with a fat ass and a pretty face, you'd have been doing a FR on how the one goo dthing about feminism is women being more aggressive.

nomad-oz · 2015-05-14T07:10:25+00:00

OP. You should develop this into a funny anecdote and use in in your repetoire when you approach.

I know how you feel I had this guy approcach me....

HS-Thompson · 2015-05-14T01:15:04+00:00

Did he have a British accent? I find it inconceivable beyond imagination that this scene could play out in the United Kingdom. My understanding is that frankly no Brit would know any other Brit socially if they hadn't been fortunate enough to have already met under unclear and forgotten circumstances.

oldredder · 2015-05-14T07:47:47+00:00

If this is how girls feel when you're cold approaching then I'm not fucking surprised that people get caught with fake numbers and rejection all the time during daygame, it's actually pretty shitty.

That is exactly how they feel being cold-approached: you gotta make a sense of value & comfort, not just get in her face. Or in this case he's getting in your face with no regard to reading IOIs because you're not into men and he obviously is. I'm around gay men fairly frequently and none ever do this to me because they clearly get no IOIs and they also are probably observant enough to see my eyes like to follow tits in a way no gay man ever would.

A cold approach works because a man is attractive, not scary, is confident, not pushy, is receptive and able to make good conversation that feels relevant & intriguing, both value and comfort must be given and accepted.

Otherwise it's a shit-cold approach and women want none of it. Men don't either.

If a girl cold-approached me and tried to pry personal information out of me I'd be concerned too: that's how you get crazy stalker bitches but no sex. Even with the sex you don't want crazy stalker-bitches. If I don't see the tell-tale personality markers of a sane, stable woman, if I don't see the interesting spark of a girl with a real personality, OR a slut who will be no trouble but very easy, I don't want to talk more. IF she's one of the two then how I proceed depends on if I guessed right: if she's not the type I guessed and I proceed wrong... oops.

Sometimes recoverable... usually not :)

[deleted] · Thu May 14 13:03:09 2015 UTC

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2015-05-14T18:10:25+00:00

If Katy Perry opened me with "you seem like a cool guy" I would also think I was being sold something. SHIT opener.

BlackHeart89 · 2015-05-14T20:17:26+00:00

I had some similar happen to me. Maybe I should make a separate post for it? Meh. Here's my story:

I was a bar playing pool with some friends one night. I go to the bathroom and then as I'm about to leave after washing my hands, this other guy says, "Hey man. How long have you been growing your locs?" On reflex, I answer. Conversation begins with him talking about dread locs. Turns out, we know some chick that does dread locs. So now it seems as though we sort of know each other. Or at least thats how he reacts. "OH! You know ____?! Yeah man! Thats whats up!" Around this point, I start thinking, "why is this motherfucking dragging on conversation so long?" Then he finally hits me with, "Yeah man. If you're ever in atlanta, hit me up. Um, take down my contact. We can get up sometime." I took down his number to quickly end shit then walked out and immediately deleted it. This motherfucker tried to holla at me. Atlanta is apparently full of men on the down-low.

All in all, his approach was good. I continued on talking without thinking much of it until he offered his phone number. He didn't seem nervous or anything at all. Seemed like a regular conversation. I was almost down to exchange numbers until he said, Atlanta. Then it clicked in my head what was going on.

Similarly, I stopped going to a barbershop I would frequent after the guy said, "yeahhh. I like it when you tell me what to do" in response to me telling him how to trim my beard that time. The whole time I was trying to reason that it was innocent. But I couldn't. In fact, I started having flash backs of other shit he had said in the past that I didn't really pay attention to until then. I stopped going after that.

C00l_Guy · 2015-05-14T21:26:43+00:00

Maybe he just wanted some friends or to have a Gym crew?

CowardlyPetrov · 2015-05-14T10:51:48+00:00

You sound like such a pussy. He did literally nothing. You're entitled to your fear of the unknown. But he judging him for the UNKNOWN is retarded and bullshit.

I have been hit on by several gay guys. Honestly, I miss it. For awhile he happened consistently like once a month. Hasn't happened in a couple of years I realize now that I think about it. I am not gay, but it was nice to think in a world of isolation and rejection that someone looks at me and sees a desirable human being. It was never particularly difficult to reject them without being an ass or making trouble for myself.

Whatever, give him a fake number and move on with your life. I've been attacked by people whose intent was actually to kill. Your assessment of the dynamics is retarded.

Edit: not saying you shouldn't work hard to be appealing in your approach. I'm just saying I DON'T empathize with being so fucking anxious.

2uE1LiftBro · 2015-05-14T12:36:17+00:00

Hey man, sorry about your experience. I have never been approached by gays. Not sure why but it's probably because I have an Alpha Male vibe I give off. Like a "free floating fuck you" attitude that can be triggered anytime but at will and under control.

[deleted] · 2015-05-13T18:49:44+00:00

And that's why I ONLY use Tinder to meet girls. They are already on the prowl so meeting them is not a big deal. I will never do cold approaches unless the girl is giving me huge IOIs.

Online dating is like Google, your intent is to date. Cold approach is playing russian roulette. You don't know where she is at and unless you're given lots of IOIs it's not worth it.

Title	[FR] I just got cold approached.
Author	-Petulance
Upvotes	142
Comments	67
Date	May 13, 2015 4:41 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/35ugxf/fr_i_just_got_cold_approached/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/fr-i-just-got-cold-approached.32531 https://theredarchive.com/post/32531

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