TLDR: two cars travelling through a dangerous road, the driver in car A kept frame, although he was nervous, and the women in car said car remained relaxed, driver of car B is in full panic mode, and couldn’t keep frame, the women there got very anxious, making what was a bad situation even worse.

I’m travelling in Europe with my wife and other friend couples, and recently I could empirically see how frame affect women near us.

I decided to go to a restaurant over a mountain that is very well evaluated on Tripadvisor, I knew that the road to go there was somewhat dangerous, but I didn’t know that it was THAT dangerous. I mean, for 20 miles driving near wind towers on top of mountains, no guardrails whatsoever, just the abyss below, cars in both directions in a very narrow road, a small mistake and we would be done.

Knowing TRP, I knew that I had to keep frame, otherwise panic would spread in the car and the situation would be even worse. My heart was racing of course, I was sweating, but I had my sunglasses on (anxious eyes hidden), I’m chewing gum (chewing gum is like smoking and using sunglasses, it instantaneously gives you a “I don’t give fuck/I’ve got this/cool” aura, I also put a relaxing bossa nova/jazz playlist on spotify to play on the car’s stereos, every now and then I would also make trivial comments like “Look, a cow over there!”, “Haha, that bird doesn’t want to get out of the way!”. Soon, the three women in the car were taking pictures of the scenery, small talking among them, commenting about the nature, totally oblivious to the abyss below us and the danger we were in.

Now cut to car 2 behind me, beta without any frame driving:

For all journey complaining on the dangers of the road, complaining about me for choosing said restaurant, saying that their lives were in danger and that they could die at any curve now. At some point, he just stops his car, signals me to stop my car too, steps out of his card and basically has a panic attack and says that he can’t go on!

The women in my car, who were relaxed and even enjoying the ride, starts feeling anxious too, one of them even has a panic attack after realizing the gravity of the situation. I basically go toward him, and scream in his face that I was sorry that we were in such bad situation, but that he needed to get himself together and that we would be capable of easily getting out of there, that we were driving very slowly and carefully, and that very soon we would be out of there, and that we would return from a different, safer route, but that we needed him sane to accomplish that, and that we all counted on him.

So, he agrees with me, gets himself together and goes to his car, I reenter my car and the women there are all showing panic signs in their faces now thanks to the beta’s tantrum, but soft music starts playing again, I’m looking calm, and soon the women got relaxed again. When we arrived at the restaurant, the women in his car looked exhausted, one of them even said that she spent the whole ride praying. Later, I asked the women in my car if they felt any fear, and they all said that they actually didn’t, and that it was a cool trip.

Lessons learned: — Women are very sensitive to how we feel! They really mirror our feelings; — use sunglasses and chew gum to hide your fear and anxiety, crack some jokes and make some light-hearted comments too to improve the mood around you; — suffer in silence, your mind and body can take it.